Shall we have a worst pun thread?

[cornflakegirl]

It's his surname.

Plus the joke is about a million years old, so take it up with the person that wrote it

(Just done a quick google - apparently the normal spelling is Gervais. Which makes sense. I've never actually seen it written down, so just went with the way I thought it was spelled when I was 10... )

 

[riaz]

Thanks for reviving that one, Emma. I've been wracking my brains trying to remember that. It used to be very popular in my day. Do you remember the puns on Cadbury's whole nut chocolate?

 

[Andrew Fergus]

Says the Scottish farmer to the trespassing Rolling Stones fan : "Hey McLeod, get off of my ewe!"

 

[riaz]

Mr and Mrs Skunk had two baby skunks, and called them In and Out. As they grew older, the, now no longer, babies used to go out to play. In, being more adventurous, used to wander off far afield, while Out was more of a homebody and usually stayed in or near the house.

One evening, Mrs Skunk called them in to dinner, but only Out came in, while In stayed out. After calling a few times to no avail, Mrs Skunk got impatient and sent Out out to fetch In in. In went out and very shortly came in, with Out trailing in behind In.

Mrs Skunk was surprised at the speed with which Out had found In and asked "How did you get In so quickly?"

"Simple," replied Out, "Instinct."

 

[cornflakegirl]

Ah, the old ones are the best, Riaz! (No idea on the Cadbury thing - I wait with bated breath!)

 

[riaz]

Ah, the old ones are the best, Riaz! (No idea on the Cadbury thing - I wait with bated breath!)

By special request:

US Cavalry troop was being hassled by a band of Apaches and was running hard. Their faster horses gave them a bit of a lead, so when they saw a disused railway station, they decided to shelter there.

Unfortunately, the station roof was thatched, and wary of flaming arrows, the Captain wanted some way of protecting the roofs. Some soldiers came upon barrels of out of date chocolate, and came up with the brilliant idea of using the chocolate to cover the roof, as the sun would melt it and the chocolate would be as good as tar for fireproofing.

While the soldiers were laying chocolate out on the roofs, a couple of Apache scouts found them and observed the activities silently, before going back to report to the Chief.

"And what is the cavalry doing?" asked the Chief.

The scouts replied,
(All together now)

"Huts, old railway huts, cavalry take them and they cover them with chocolate!"

 

[cornflakegirl]

I may not be target audience for that one - I just had to google to find out what the line was supposed to be!

 

[Jonmo1]

Did you find it Emma? Cuz I don't get it either...

 

[cornflakegirl]

"Nuts, whole hazlenuts. Cadbury's take them and they cover them in chocolate."

I think you maybe had to be living in the UK in the 70s to get it...

(Actually - do any of you Yanks get the Fairy Liquid one either?)

 

[Expiry]

"Nuts, whole hazlenuts. Cadbury's take them and they cover them in chocolate."

I think you maybe had to be living in the UK in the 70s to get it...

(Actually - do any of you Yanks get the Fairy Liquid one either?)

Steady, you're going to be starting a 'Do you remember this advert?' discussion if you're not careful and if anyone says 'do the shake and vac', I'm off.