Shall we have a worst pun thread?

[cornflakegirl]

Why did the cat slide off the roof? Its mu wasn't big enough.

 

[SydneyGeek]

A pun should...

Strike while the irony is hot
Go straight for the jocular vein

Denis

 

[Peter_SSs]

Residents came into the centre of our town this morning and found all the shops raised about a metre off the ground. Police say they suspect shop-lifters.

 

[Peter_SSs]

There were four Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the other two slept together on a hippopotamus skin. All four became pregnant, and each had a baby boy.

This goes to prove that the sons of the squaws on the hippopotamus equals the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

When I heard that one many years ago, there were just 3 squaws, one on each skin. The one the hippopotamus had twins while the other two had singles (not necessarily boys) and the result was:
"The squaw on the hippopotamus equals the sum of the squaws on the other two hides"

 

[Marbles]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/scot_div_1/2875957.stm

 

[absquatulation]

Something my dad told me long ago, that his dad told him longer ago. Not sure it qualifies as a pun, but I think it is great.



More of a warning to kids about the use of punctuation than a pun, but great nonetheless.

George where Fred had had had had had had had had had had had the teacher's approval




The sentence with eleven “Hads” in it is a report on the written work of a student called George, telling him that Fred's written work had had the teacher's approval.


George, where Fred had had “Had had”, had had “Had”. “Had had” had had the teacher's approval.



Obvious really!!!

 

[riaz]

George, where Fred had had “Had had”, had had “Had”. “Had had” had had the teacher's approval.

Obvious really!!!

Whereupon George cried in anguish "I've been had!"

 

[riaz]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Flack.

So, he says, "Ms. Flack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says "$30,000." The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain pig, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink pig. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says,

"It's a knick knack, Patti Flack.
Give the frog a loan.
His old man's a Rolling Stone."

 

[cornflakegirl]

There are two blokes working in a restaurant, Jerface the chef, and Hans the dishwasher. Jerface is trying to prepare a squid, but he can't bring himself to kill it. Hans watches with interest, as Jerface isn't normally a wimp. Finally, Hans goes across and offers to do the deed for Jerface. He picks up the cleaver and prepares to chop the squid, but the pale green squid is lying there, looking at him imploringly, a tear trickling down to the fine layer of fuzz above its mouth. Hans crumples and rushes from the room.

Which just goes to show that Hans that do dishes are as soft as Jerface with mild green hairy lip squid.

 

[Expiry]

There are two blokes working in a restaurant, Jerface the chef, and Hans the dishwasher. Jerface is trying to prepare a squid, but he can't bring himself to kill it. Hans watches with interest, as Jerface isn't normally a wimp. Finally, Hans goes across and offers to do the deed for Jerface. He picks up the cleaver and prepares to chop the squid, but the pale green squid is lying there, looking at him imploringly, a tear trickling down to the fine layer of fuzz above its mouth. Hans crumples and rushes from the room.

Which just goes to show that Hans that do dishes are as soft as Jerface with mild green hairy lip squid.

Is Jerface a real name? I'm not sure it is and therefore, I'm not sure that this works as a pun.

A pun is a play on words. I don't think you can invent your own words, in order to make the punchline work.