WHY!

[erik.van.geit]

Hi,

just my two euros ...

1. you might consider uploading your AVATAR
(and of course subscribe to DRAFT at the same time :wink: )
2. it might be good to ask admin to change your nickname

both are not the "real things" you should do in fact, but are a reflection of what you think about yourself

you were made a nice person from the beginning
some facts can destroy parts of this "good girl"
your responsability is to ... (fill in yourself, else I would be preaching)

kind regards,
Erik

 

[blondiechick]

I dated one guy... and I had to break up with him, because I felt as if he did destory me. He made me go through **** that I didn't approve. I was stupid, and young. This was 3 years ago when I was in high school. I still feel like **** and even though those 3 years have passed. It was the first guy I ever dated, and I thought I had to do what he wanted to do. From then on, I was like HOLD ON. What the hell is wrong with me, why did I let this *** pressure and push me into things that were childish and stupid.

I don't think highly of myself, because then I would have an ego. I can't stand people with egos. They think they are tough ****, and I am like you have no idea how stupid you are looking. So I am basically on the ground, meaning... I know what I can do and what I can't do, as in getting places.

As for the avatar! ALl I can say is that I am ugly. I don't like putting pictures of myself on the internet, because I am not pretty in any way.

 

[Pyromantic]

ALl I can say is that I am ugly.

If I had 50p everytime a pretty girl said that, Bill gates would only wish he had it half as good as me!!

To be honest, it sounds like you're suffering with a little bit of low-self esteem. Don't beat yourself up about everything, you needn't worry so much. I method I found to help me through the day when I felt so horribly single was to try and forget about the issue completely. Weirdly the opposite sex and always sense the desperation and run a mile. As soon as I stopped caring about the opposite sex and focusing on my career and met loads of really nice people.

 

[Richard Schollar]

I don't like putting pictures of myself on the internet, because I am not pretty in any way.

It certainly didn't stop Truby, so you'd be in good company


Love ya really, Greg! :wink:

 

[Joe4]

Here is an interesting observation I have made...

I have lived in Washington, DC and have friends/family that live in New York City and Boston. In now live in a small city in Western New York (I returned to the place where I went to college).

Most of my family and friends in the big city had a harder time starting "serious" relationships with people. Sure, there is a bigger pool of people, but many seemed to be completely career driven, or there for the night life action (and hence not looking to settle down anytime soon). About half of these people got married in their 30's, while the other half are still single.

On the other hand, most of my friends who live in the smaller cities/towns found their spouse and got married in their twenties.

So whenever my families/friends in the big city complain about not finding any decent people, I tell them if they are impatient, then move out of the big cities!

Just one man's observations...

 

[Greg Truby]

Blondie,

One finds shelf after shelf of books in the bookstore dedicated to this subject. But, in all honesty, this thread really does contain some good advice. Per Joe (jm14) and drafter, maybe you do need to look in other places. Doug's idea of attending an Excel Users' conference really is not all that bad of an idea. You're going to meet geeks and/or financial types. Probably college educated and probably gainfully employed.

Erik's advice of posting your picture is not that bad either. If you ain't the prettiest little girl to ever step on the dance floor, so be it. Get comfortable with your self image. Do what you can to improve it -- education is a great help for that. But the garden would be empty if only the prettiest flower were there and the forest quiet if only the best-singing songbird sung. Like Scholler says - bein' uglier'n south end of a north-bound mule never stopped me.

You say you go to the gym. That is terrific! Keep that up! It makes you feel better (endorphins) and it makes you feel better about yourself. And if you did get short-suited in the looks department, better to at least have a decent bod, right? Especially as you move on into your twenties and then thirties [and eventually your forties] you'll be glad you kept in shape.

As for ego: your comments do reveal your youth. As you get older you realize that the "big dogs" are pretty laid back. By and large it's the little dogs that yap a lot. Same holds true with guys: generally speaking excessive ego is an overcompensation for a dude feeling inadequate about himself in some area (not always, some guys really do think they're God's Gift to Women - but you can usually see them coming from a ways off).

Litrelord's comment of "all men are selfish swine" only misses the mark by a little bit. All men are selfish swine to some degree. Some very selfish, some pretty self-less, but still a little bit selfish. None of us is perfect. You just have to find a guy with a combination of faults that you can live with. And all women are controlling wenches to some degree. Some are clever and subtle about how they try to "fix" their hubbies and some are overbearing shrews where us other guys pity the fool. But I'd estimate +90% of women that have been married ten years are less are actively trying to fix something about their husband. After 10-12 years of marriage they start to finally catch on that some flaws in their husband are just gonna be their burden in life.

So, just take your time and find that feller with a degree of imperfection you can tolerate. Sometimes it might take you a while to figure out which guys are jerks and you need to "cut your line" and cast again. But sooner or later you'll find a decent chap. Just as there are pinheads in the world, there are decent lads out there too.

Well, my morning break is over, time to get back to pumping some numbers in Excel! Hope this helped in some way.

 

[Asala42]

tips:

1) Walk up to a guy at the gym,
2) Say "Hey is it ok if I work in a set?"
3) ???
4) profit! (unless the guy's a jerk)

repeat until you find me

 

[hatman]

Blondie: look at my avatar. Not only am I less attractive than Greg, but I am also a Bigger Geek and a Bigger Freak. The dating scene did not work for me. The dating scene destroyed my self-esteem, because the dating scene focusses on our most shallow attributes.

I married my best friend. She is exactly the opposite of the waifish ideals that are pushed on us by the media. She is beautiful. Her beauty radiates from inside, and anyone who spends 30 seconds with her can see it. I have met many women in my life who are more beautiful than any model, yet would never win a beauty pageant because they do not satisfy the UNHEALTHY and UNREALISTIC ideals that are pushed upon us by the media.

Greg's advice about going to the gym is excellent, but I wish to add a caveat: do not destroy your health or your self-esteem trying to force your body to match an ideal it was probably never meant to fulfill... if you are trying to look like one of the popular teen icons: forget it THAT ISN"T HEALTHY FOR ANYONE. If you think you are ugly because you do not match those ideals, then you are openning yourself to men who are interested in women who are shallow, and they are shallow themselves... they will hurt you because they do not realize there is anything under your exterior... they won't care. The men who are worth dating will shy away from you if you are focussed on your own surface attributes.

My advice is to be yourself. Be honest with yourself so others can see your honesty. Cultivate your inner beauty, and allow it to enhance your outer beauty. Don't look for a date: look for interesting people. Interesting people stay in your life... cherish them, and don't wonder if it will become something more. If the connection is real, it will become something more all on it's own, without any help. And lastly: don't stop giving all. That is what a relationship is all about: give what you wish to receive: everything. When it is right, the other person will freely give back the same. Don't expect them to: allow them to do what they are comfortable doing.

 

[Greg Truby]

Good addendum on the gym thing there, Paul. I was coming at it from the point of view of a guy that used to weigh 220 lbs and through a decade and a half-long program of junk food and lots of TV, a three-packs-a-week smoking habit and too many video games, got up to 365 pounds. Quit smoking 'bout a year and a half ago and since then I've been working very, very hard to get down to a waifish 250 lbs. So I was only thinking of going to the gym in terms of a healthy way to improve one's well-being. Plus I work out at the YMCA where it's mostly a bunch of other old married folks also trying to undo years of bad habits. So I failed to remember that a young woman can get duped into trying to look like the images we see in the media. And, with that, I'll bid you "au revoir" since it's "leg night" for me at the Y - woohoo - I just love squats! (seriously )

 

[Todd Bardoni]

ALl I can say is that I am ugly.

Some guys are into that.

But look, everybody has different tastes. No one, not even Brad Pitt, is attractive to everyone...so don't put yourslef down like that. secondly, nothing is more unattractive than self-deprication. Get yourself an ego..it's ok to feel good about yourself and to believe your attarctive, smart and funny.