Homemade jokes

[caringsharingbristolbilly]

I came up with one a while ago about Shakespeare not being allowed in the pub because he was bard. But then someone told me that was an old one, so on that.

Then I came up with this one:

George Michael had just bought a new car with a lovely cream leather interior. One day he was late for a gig and hadn't eaten, so he quickly wolfed down half a chocolate bar and left it on the seat. When he got back to the car after the gig, the chocolate had melted and ruined the leather completely. It was a careless Wispa.

 

[Domski]

Advert in the paper today:

"Leading ******* manufacturer seeks joke writer for seasonal work*

Contact with samples of work:

F U Nnyhaha
******* World
23 Chortle Street
York

04964 784 224

*Mr Excel board members need not apply"

 

[milesUK]

In the UK regulators of various utilities, etc begin with OF (e.g. OFWAT Office of Water Regulation) This got me thinking of a few OFTHEWALL Regulators:
Rugby & Football - OFSIDE

Golf Equipment Suppliers - OFPUTTING

Paint & Dye Manufacturers - OFCOLOUR

Ready to Wear Clothing Retailers - OFTHEPEG

There must be more.

 

[steve case]

If something happens, like a spill at a party, and someone says to me, "Oh I'm so sorry!" <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o>
<o></o>
I tell them, "Oh don't worry about it. I'm sure our lawyers can handle it in the morning."<o></o>

Always gets a laugh (-:
.
.
.
.
.

 

[treesloth]

In the "Make like a..." genre...

"I'm going to make like the French Revolution and head off"

In the "historical Yo Mama" category...

"Yo mama so old AND big that when she went swimming in the ocean, Columbus tried to claim her for Spain"

/rimshot
//tip your waitress...

 

[arkusM]

"I'm going to make like the French Revolution and head off"
QUOTE]

nice...

 

[RobMatthews]

i prefer "Make like a baby, and head out..." Or at least i used to. Haven't used that in maybe 10 years.

 

[Patience]

"I'm going to make like the French Revolution and head off"

Buahaha. I am totally going to pinch that for myself.

 

[hoffey]

Did you hear about the circus fire?

It was intense...

 

[Oorang]

Fender bender? That was more like a fender blender!