Homemade jokes

[Expiry]

Come on then. What about jokes you've made up yourself. Let's see how these compare to the ones on the 'favourites' thread:

Here's some I made earlier:



A waste disposal man turns up at a hospital and says to the Doctor "I've come to take away all of your used catheter bags."

The Doctor replies, "Are you taking the p***?"

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An engaged couple are shopping for their wedding cake and start having an arguement in the shop:

The bride-to-be, quite upset, says "But, I only want one layer on our wedding cake"

Her fiance insists, "Look, I want 3 layers, and that's the end of it, so get used to the idea!"

The shop owner turns to his assistant and says "I can see this is going to end in tiers".

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A man goes to a shop to buy a ramp. Whilst admiring one on display, the salesman says "This one's £100, sir". "Hmmm. It's pretty steep".

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[snowblizz]

I no longer remember if this is something I've made up or heard somewhere...

The Pessimist: It just can't get any worse than this...
The Optimist: Yes it can!

 

[Patience]

As a child I reduced my mother to fits of giggles and my dad to shock by very innocently (yeah right) saying:

"Mum - why do men have more hair on their legs than women? Is it because they haven't fully evoloved from gorillas yet?"

I guess we had just been doing evoloution in school (and probably didn't go quite enough into exactly WHAT we all evolved from (as it certainly wasn't gorillas.)) Nevertheless my mother enjoyed it.

 

[MorganO]

I have 2:

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Why was the pet rock so hungry? Beacause he was stoned.

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Aboard the Titanic, just before it hit the iceberg, one of the builders of the ship was boasting to the passengers, "This ship is so seaworthy that even God couldn't sink her!" Up in heaven upon overhearing this, God starting laughing so hard that he overturned the iced tea on his side table and and ice cube fell out...

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Owen

 

[Expiry]

Here's one I made up during Wimbledon. This is the most contrived tennis joke ever, I'm sure:

Roger Federer and the Williams sisters were on a camping trip in the Outback. It was just after the Australian open (probably). Anyway, they got lost and ended up stranded for weeks and weeks. Food supplies soon ran out and Venus, being the slightest of them all, didn't last very long and she died of hunger

Serena was starving to death, literally, but there was nothing that she could eat, except her dead sister.

So Roger Federer.

 

[Richard Schollar]

Oh God that's so bad!!!! It made me laugh though

 

[MorganO]

So Roger Federer.

Good stuff! Expiry, do you do Stand-up comedy?!?

 

[Patience]

That is so wrong!

 

[Domski]

Please, nobody consider giving up their day job!!!

Dom

 

[snowblizz]

Please, nobody consider giving up their day job!!!

Dom

Are we allowed to consider getting one?