7 Surefire Ways to Guarantee Business Failure

[arkusM]

Again a bouncer

Also, the baby you have in your avatar, I guess he is your kid and he looks absolutely adorable just like Jon's daughter

Rory, I never realized it and I thought about it as his signature (at a glance)

Yup that is my boy. He is 10 months old.
People say that he looks just like a mini version of me, so in a way I am holding onto my youth!! LOL.
(=W= means whatever!!)
http://www.netlingo.com/acronyms.php : here is a list of these sort of things. Also google Leet or 1337. Leet/1337 is an emerging language used buy Teens(+/-) to communicate electronically under the radar.

Cheers!

 

[arkusM]

OK, with all that's been going on recently, having left a Fortune 500 company to go to a Fortune <0 company, I decided to write a bit about it.

I hope you find it amusing and look forward to being able to add to it:

7 Surefire Ways to Guarantee Business Failure

Very funny Smitty...
You have a lot of time on your hands!!
Good luck to you (based on the past few posts in the lounge)

Cheers.

M

 

[schielrn]

The most cheapest of labour, you get it in China and nowhere else in the world.

Yes, our company has now began the outsourcing to China and sort of eliminating the middle man.

Whereas, funny to me at least, we outsource some A/P work to Krakow, Poland and then in turn they outsource, our outsourced work to China we come to find out, so now I guess they realize they can cut out the middle man here.

 

[barry houdini]

Just for kicks, get them to pretend that they are actually local

Didn't one call centre, working on behalf of a UK company, allegedly "train" its staff in English "culture", speech etc. by getting them to watch "Eastenders" ["I believe it's a popular BBC "soap opera", M'lud"]

 

[Smitty]

I had a poster some time ago send me a call center scheduling workbook he needed some help with; the names were all anglican, like Barry, Bob, Sue, Fred, etc. We chatted a bit and I found out he was acutally in Mumbai, and the US parent forced the outsourced Indian employees to take "American" names...

We both had a bit of a laugh over how ridiculous that was...

 

[Stormseed]

I had a poster some time ago send me a call center scheduling workbook he needed some help with; the names were all anglican, like Barry, Bob, Sue, Fred, etc. We chatted a bit and I found out he was acutally in Mumbai, and the US parent forced the outsourced Indian employees to take "American" names...

We both had a bit of a laugh over how ridiculous that was...

That is very true. Around 7 years back I used to work for DELL in a call center here in Mumbai. I was in the DELL CCOD Department (DELL Intraday MIS) and I did not take calls but I have seen all of the people in MSN Technical Support who used to take calls in the same call center. All of them had *screen names* (American Names) and none of them had their real actual names while making calls. The trainers in these call centers train employees for American Culture, develop their listening skills, train them on accent, etc. so that they can pretend to be a local whilst talking to an American.

 

[snowblizz]

Stormseed,
Snowblizz noted the TPB is "*The Pointyhaired Boss (from the Dilbert comic) "
I have see this shortened to PHB as well... but =W=

Cheers!
Mark

Oooh, that's right. I think I was going for that in fact. I just couldn't figure out how to get that "H" included with 3 letters.
You are probably correct that the usual acronym is indeed PHB. I got too concentrated on the "the" part and forgot there are many more PHB bosses and not just "The One" from the comic.

I thought the 7 ways were hilarious. My favourite remains how its "revenue" that is nr 1, not profit. Revenue, while being a necessary precursor to profit doesn't necessarily equate to bottom-line profit. At least focusing obsessively on profit might keep you afloat long enough to realise the error of your ways.

 

[Norie]

Some of the worst/funniest call centre experiences I've had have involved so-called 'native' English speakers.

I can understand somebody in Mumbai not being able to pronounce my name - first and last but somebody based in Glasgow.

Mind you it can be useful - once you've realised their problem just insist that nobody of that name lives here.

If they try listing other members of the household it's a shame they've all moved out or are on an extended trip.

And there expertise with the phonetic aphabet - J for Jam, C for Cat, R for Rodeo etc

One of the first jobs I ever had was in a call centre in the early 90s - seemed like everybody had a degree and that's the only thing they could get.

 

[Smitty]

I thought the 7 ways were hilarious. My favourite remains how its "revenue" that is nr 1, not profit. Revenue, while being a necessary precursor to profit doesn't necessarily equate to bottom-line profit. At least focusing obsessively on profit might keep you afloat long enough to realise the error of your ways.

I'll need to add to that part then; Profit completely eluded me.

My boss and I once inherited a region that was purported to be in great shape for the upcoming year with a major customer promised to spend another 3 million+ dollars. In reviewing the financials I find out that the previous VP had been paid a $70k bonus, and the region had actually lost $700k, but was well over its revenue goals. Seems that the $3 million the customer spent actually cost $3.5 million to produce...

 

[arkusM]

I'll need to add to that part then; Profit completely eluded me.

My boss and I once inherited a region that was purported to be in great shape for the upcoming year with a major customer promised to spend another 3 million+ dollars. In reviewing the financials I find out that the previous VP had been paid a $70k bonus, and the region had actually lost $700k, but was well over its revenue goals. Seems that the $3 million the customer spent actually cost $3.5 million to produce...

Your sig is so appropriate in light of the above post!!