Things I’ve Learned About The Good Old U S of A From Watching Films And Telly

[xlHammer]

Everything I know about the US I've gleaned from the large or small screen;

<TABLE style="WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=578 border=0 x:str><COLGROUP><COL style="WIDTH: 434pt; mso-width-source: userset; mso-width-alt: 21138" width=578><TBODY><TR style="HEIGHT: 25.5pt" height=34><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 25.5pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=34>1. There is a company in the US called Acme which can supply absolutely anything, in particular gadgets for the pursuit and capture of mice, rabbits and roadrunners.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=17>2. Anyone of any significance will have the digits 555 in their phone number.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=17>3. There is a creature called a ‘varmint’, it can pick cotton.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 25.5pt" height=34><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 25.5pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=34>4. Local sheriffs are permitted to be massively overweight, virtually incomprehensible and have the shooting prowess of Stevie Wonder.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=17>5. Outrunning a pursuing police car exonerates you from the crime in question.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 25.5pt" height=34><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 25.5pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=34>6. Chelsea, Everton, Charlton and Inverness Caledonian Thistle are football teams in the UK, in America they are first names.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=17>7. It is not possible to become a lifeguard in the US without having breast implants.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=17>8. No matter where you live in the US it is possible to drive to Las Vegas for the weekend.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 25.5pt" height=34><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 25.5pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=34>9. Murphy’s Law (US Version): If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong over the Thanksgiving holiday.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 25.5pt" height=34><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 25.5pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=34>10. Everybody has at least one acquaintance that is afraid of flying resulting in either a long distance train/car journey or the deployment of a doctored glass of milk.</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

and finally;

<TABLE style="WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=578 border=0 x:str><COLGROUP><COL style="WIDTH: 434pt; mso-width-source: userset; mso-width-alt: 21138" width=578><TBODY><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=17>11. The President of the US is always decent, honest, noble and brave.

Would anybody care to offer any further observations? Perhaps some of our american cousins can offer their views of the UK?

</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

 

[yytsunamiyy]

As a result of 11)
As the president is the commander in chief all his / her military subordinates are decent, honest, noble and brave too - and can not fail to win - ever!

Maybe not specific to the US, but neithertheless:
- If you are captured and locked up in a garage / cellar you may escape by constructing a tank from nothing but a pen, the shreds of the tape used to tie you up and a conveniently located lawnmower
- If chased by a murderous maniac it is wise to run as fast as you can - no matter where, as long as it is as far away from your friends as possible. Your escape route should ideally be dark and form a circle, giving the chasing maniac the sporting opportunity to wait for you around a corner

 

[Thorin]

Maybe the one in number 7 is for additional buoyancy !

 

[kgkev]

no matter how many pullets are fired at a US soldier / cop they will all miss other than 1 which will be a non fatal wound to the left arm meaning the gun hand is free to shoot very accuratly.

American guns don't require reloading as often as anyone elses and if they do american trousers (pants???) have big enough pockets to carry boxes and boxes of ammo.

American police spend all day in doughnuts shops.

Stores in america make a habit of storing new, clean & empty cardboard boxes in back allies. They pile them high in some cases and often make little walls out of them.

only clean waste is allowed in dumpsters. Who knows who might jump in one.

 

[Joe4]

These are pretty funny. How about a a few more:

- If you hear a strange sound or think someone is in your house, it is better to split up investigate by yourself rather than stick together or call the police (the basis of about every horror movie)

- There are no stupid criminals, all criminals are masterminds

- If you hold your handgun sidewise while shooting, it is more accurate

- Beautiful supermodel women are attracted to to overweight, unattractive, oafish men as long as they have a sense of humor (most sitcoms)

- All women who work in law enforcement are drop-dead gorgeous

 

[riaz]

White man speak with forked tongue. must be speaking in Hisspaniol.

 

[Greg Truby]

no matter how many pullets are fired at a US soldier / cop...

I don't care who ya are, that's a funny typo right there...

American guns don't require reloading as often as anyone elses

Actually, I too thought we had the only 50-shots-in-clip pistols until I saw a Hong Kong action flick. The feller I saw was gettin' a couple hundred outta each pistol without reloadin'.

American police spend all day in doughnuts shops.

Almost... in today's America the doughnut shop has been replaced by the convenience store. And this one is true. Convenience stores are a frequent target for armed robbery. So they gladly offer officers free coffee (I don't know if the doughnuts are free) so that cops will stop by frequently. Helps keep the robbers on their toes if they never know when a patrol car will roll up in search of java and pastries.

 

[kgkev]

I don't care who ya are, that's a funny typo right there...

I have no idea where the P came from - not like its even near the B.

 

[Patience]

- If you hold your handgun sidewise while shooting, it is more accurate

Which is of course the exact opposite of truth. I am told it is nigh on impossible to hit a barn door like this.


Anyway here is me addition...

- High school kids in America are generally all gorgeous (unless they are token geeks (who after a make over look utterly gorgeous)) and look about 10 years older than UK school kids of comparable age.

 

[yytsunamiyy]

...and look about 10 years older than UK school kids of comparable age.

...you can be beautifull, intelligent or funny, pick two.