Shall we have a worst pun thread?

[riaz]

As I can't resist slotting puns into lounge discussions, I thought it might be a good idea to have a separate thread just for the worst puns you have ever heard.

Any takers? The added bonus is that I will (try to) avoid verbal gymnastics in other threads

 

[Jonmo1]

How about

"Thinking inside the box"

http://www.mrexcel.com/forum/showthread.php?t=349073&page=6

 

[Oaktree]

When I worked in consulting, one of our partners insisted that we document (on the PowerPoint slides) the sample sizes on any chart/table which showed a statistical result.

After all, he reminded everyone, "the n's justify the means".

 

[riaz]

Here's my starter.

Recently, while my wife was away, I raided our pantry and fridge rather than cook, so I depleted stocks rather badly. I had used up the cauliflower, all the eggs, frozen peas and many cans of soup (not all at the same time, I hasten to add). I also noticed that my many forays had loosened the sealing rubber around the fridge door so that needed replacing. Also, just that morning, I noticed that the mouthwash was down to its last few drops and supplies would need replenishing.

Not one to write out a shopping list, I tried to make up a little ditty to remember all that I had to buy, and I went down to the shops, gaily singing

Soup, a cauli, fridge elastic, eggs, pea, halitosis

 

[cornflakegirl]

Riaz, that is very very bad!

 

[riaz]

There are plenty more where that came from. That was unashamedly plagiarised from Denis Norden and Frank Muir's radio show My Word.

Are you contributing?

 

[cornflakegirl]

Nah, I'd have to steal mine from Humphrey Lyttelton, and I might get banned...

 

[DonkeyOte]

Seriously... I thought the Cornflake Girl was a cereal punster.

 

[cornflakegirl]

 

[gingerafro]

this is more of a (very bad) joke my dad told me once.

It was the insect cup final (football/soccer) and the ants are playing the earwigs. The earwigs are losing 3-0 and its halftime. The team manager asks them in the dressing room what is going on and the team captain says that there is no communication between the players. So the manager has an idea – let’s put numbers on the shirts so we know who is who.
So they get some numbers from the kit man and put them on. All the players get their numbers but the number 10 hasn’t got a 1. So he goes out with a zero on his back.
Anyway, he plays an absolute blinder for the next 45 minutes, scores 4 goals without reply and the earwigs win! But the earwig with the zero isn’t happy – he’s scored 4 goals, won the match for his team but none of the crowd are singing his name. But the manager tells him to listen carefully and the crowd are chanting…

“Earwig O, Earwig O, Earwig O!”