Stupid Product Labels

[Scott Huish]

Couple of favorites:

On a Presto log:
WARNING: May cause fire.

Ya think?


On just about every box of those miniature Christmas lights:
CAUTION: For indoor or outdoor use only.

Um, what else is there?

 

[HalfAce]

When I go to the States I am always puzzled by these 'stupid' warnings on all kind of things.

Actually it's not hard to understand at all.
It's all evolved from the movement started 35 or 40 years ago by Ralph Nader.
What we've ended up with is a system designed around protecting the stupid.
..."yup, he drank a mixture of bleach & gasoline and then lit a smoke. - died of natural causes."
When they're that stupid it's only natural that they die young. Nature's way of culling the gene pool. That's how we rose to the top of the intelligence ladder above all the other critters in the first place.
Now… we protect the stupid. As a result they’re living long enough to breed at ever increasing rates and are taking over.

On the other hand, I gotta say one of my favorite signs is a billboard I saw along side the freeway last time we were “down in the states” that said: “Illiterate? Call 1-800-478-6481”

 

[Smitty]

Hahahah.

We had a lady who used to work here who was constantly hurting herself...Once she came in with a burn mark on her neck and it was a doozie. When asked what happend she said that she was ironing her shirt before work. OK, so how'd you burn yourself? "I was wearing it".

She came in with a nasty burn on her thigh one day too...

Then there was the day she had a cold with a bad sore throat...Hmmmm...must be bad germs. Yup, you guess it friends and neighbors, she gargled with bleach!

Of course, she was a natural blonde!

That is who stupid product labels were invented for, but seriously, did we ever need Ralph "Needless" Nader to protect us from blondes? I doubt it. The gene pool does a great job of filtering itself out all by itself. It is one pool that doesn't need a lifeguard.

Smitty

 

[Oaktree]

HOTPEPPER:

Maybe the Presto Log folks just don't have 100% confidence in their product. It'd be like Taco Bell saying "may contain real meat", you know---just to cover their bases.

I guess the Christmas Light companies rule out "underwater" and "in the afterlife"

 

[Smitty]

CAUTION: For indoor or outdoor use only.

Um, what else is there?

I tried explaining to my wife that they're really not meant to light the garage attic, especially strung along the rafters...

Yes, she is a natural blonde.

Smitty

 

[Andrew Fergus]

On just about every box of those miniature Christmas lights:
CAUTION: For indoor or outdoor use only.

Um, what else is there?

Mrs A93 asks, how about internal use?

 

[MarkAndrews]

Lucozade - "Warning, Not suitable for replacing the fluids lost during diarrhoea" - r words to that effect

Polo Mints - "May Cause a laxative effect"

Lilt - "May Cause a laxative effect"

 

[Scott Huish]

Mrs A93 asks, how about internal use?

I think that depends on whether she's indoors or outdoors.