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How many members does it take to change a light bulb?
- Thread starter Andrew Fergus
- Start date
Excel Facts
Why are there 1,048,576 rows in Excel?
The Excel team increased the size of the grid in 2007. There are 2^20 rows and 2^14 columns for a total of 17 billion cells.
Felix Atagong
Active Member
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2003
- Messages
- 359
Don't forget it all depends form the height of the CEILING and the position of the FLOOR as well.
Smitty
Legend
- Joined
- May 15, 2003
- Messages
- 29,536
OK, how about a new twist:
How many students does it take to change a lightbulb at . . .
Princeton: Two. One to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.
Cornell: Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
Columbia: 76. One to change the lightbulb, 50 to protest the lightbulb's right not to change and 25 to hold a counterprotest.
Harvard: One. One to hold the lightbulb. The world revolves around him.
Yale: None. New Haven looks better in the dark.
Stanford: One, dude.
Tufts: Two. One to change the lightbulb and the other to say loudly that he did it as well as an Ivy League student.
Wesleyan: Wesleyan is boycotting General Electric. You know, military-industrial complex and all that.
Massachusetts Institute of Technology: Five. One to design a nuclear-powered lightbulb that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb, two to install it and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch.
Middlebury College: Five. One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
Connecticut College: Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to complain that if they were at a better school, the lightbulb wouldn't go out.
University of Virginia: 13. Ten to form a student committee to vote on whether changing lightbulbs is a violation of the Honor Code, one to change the lightbulb, one to hold the keg he's standing on and another to attribute electricity to Thomas Jefferson.
Santa Clara University: One. But you would never know about it because only Cal and Stanford get publicity for changing their lightbulbs.
Smitty
How many students does it take to change a lightbulb at . . .
Princeton: Two. One to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.
Cornell: Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
Columbia: 76. One to change the lightbulb, 50 to protest the lightbulb's right not to change and 25 to hold a counterprotest.
Harvard: One. One to hold the lightbulb. The world revolves around him.
Yale: None. New Haven looks better in the dark.
Stanford: One, dude.
Tufts: Two. One to change the lightbulb and the other to say loudly that he did it as well as an Ivy League student.
Wesleyan: Wesleyan is boycotting General Electric. You know, military-industrial complex and all that.
Massachusetts Institute of Technology: Five. One to design a nuclear-powered lightbulb that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb, two to install it and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch.
Middlebury College: Five. One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
Connecticut College: Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to complain that if they were at a better school, the lightbulb wouldn't go out.
University of Virginia: 13. Ten to form a student committee to vote on whether changing lightbulbs is a violation of the Honor Code, one to change the lightbulb, one to hold the keg he's standing on and another to attribute electricity to Thomas Jefferson.
Santa Clara University: One. But you would never know about it because only Cal and Stanford get publicity for changing their lightbulbs.
Smitty
Felix Atagong
Active Member
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2003
- Messages
- 359
When enough people at my company have argued long enough that it is outrageous that the lightbulb is broken, I send an urgent mail to the Lightbulb Division Manager (LDM) abroad. He then gives the order to the outsourced Lightbulb Software and Hardware Company (LSHC), who immediately start working on a solution.
About three weeks later we complain thru the LDM that the lightbulb still isn't fixed. Not true replies LSHC three days later. The lightbulb has been replaced 7 days ago.
I go and investigate and find out that the original broken lightbulb has indeed been replaced by a lightbulb of 110V instead of one of 230V. I signal this to the LDM who signals it to the LSHC.
Suddenly, about eight weeks later, the light comes back. We receive a bill of several thousands of Euro for extra maintenance charges as apparently the replacing of a light bulb was not foreseen in the original contract.
About three weeks later we complain thru the LDM that the lightbulb still isn't fixed. Not true replies LSHC three days later. The lightbulb has been replaced 7 days ago.
I go and investigate and find out that the original broken lightbulb has indeed been replaced by a lightbulb of 110V instead of one of 230V. I signal this to the LDM who signals it to the LSHC.
Suddenly, about eight weeks later, the light comes back. We receive a bill of several thousands of Euro for extra maintenance charges as apparently the replacing of a light bulb was not foreseen in the original contract.
Oorang
Well-known Member
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2005
- Messages
- 2,071
At my former company (Huge Mortgage Corporation) we would take at least 4 meetings to determine the standards we should be holding the light bulb vendor to. After deciding the standards by consensus a low level supervisor would make several changes without notifying their superiors then send it out to the vendors. Who would then argue that they are not contractually bound to adhere to those standards as no one thought of entering in service level agreement into the contract, several meeting and several concessions with the vendors later we would agree that while they did have to change the light bulb we could request they meet a certain timeframe, but could not penalize them if they did not.
The vendors would then go to change the light bulb and realize it would cost more than our company would allow and place a bid. We would receive the bid determine that we were not willing to pay that much money for a light bulb and request a second bid. The vendor would then send the exact same contracting company out who would make the exact same bid. We would then review the second bid and have an hour long discussion on whether we really needed the light bulb at all.
A neighbor would then call in to complain that the missing light bulb was a public nuisance and if we did not replace it they would report us to the city. We would then turn over all bids and work orders to the code violation team who would not order the work done because they had received no official code violation.
A code enforcement officer would then call the code violation team saying that because we had failed to comply with his official posting on the house we would now be fined on a daily basis until the light bulb was changed. We would then order the work done on a rush no-bid basis which would cause the contactor to get it done in the normal time frame but at twice the original bid.
After paying all the fines for the light bulb and the fines for everything else the code inspector found when he inspected the property, we would convey the property to the original investor only to have it reconveyed to us because we had not used the HUD required light bulb and the light bulb will need replaced.
The vendors would then go to change the light bulb and realize it would cost more than our company would allow and place a bid. We would receive the bid determine that we were not willing to pay that much money for a light bulb and request a second bid. The vendor would then send the exact same contracting company out who would make the exact same bid. We would then review the second bid and have an hour long discussion on whether we really needed the light bulb at all.
A neighbor would then call in to complain that the missing light bulb was a public nuisance and if we did not replace it they would report us to the city. We would then turn over all bids and work orders to the code violation team who would not order the work done because they had received no official code violation.
A code enforcement officer would then call the code violation team saying that because we had failed to comply with his official posting on the house we would now be fined on a daily basis until the light bulb was changed. We would then order the work done on a rush no-bid basis which would cause the contactor to get it done in the normal time frame but at twice the original bid.
After paying all the fines for the light bulb and the fines for everything else the code inspector found when he inspected the property, we would convey the property to the original investor only to have it reconveyed to us because we had not used the HUD required light bulb and the light bulb will need replaced.
