Clean humor.

[Scott Huish]

How many golf balls could fit inside a commercial airplane?[/QUOTE]

Zero. Commercials are on TV.

 

[Cindy Ellis]

How many software engineers does it take to replace a light bulb?

 

[taurean]

Nope, the right answer has already been guessed. 1, after that it is not empty. Even if you dumped in a whole bunch at once, after the very first one hit, it still would not be empty anymore.

Repairman's formula can be repaired:
=POWER(9.99E+307,0)

How many software engineers does it take to replace a light bulb?

This seems to be multiple choice question: See here
<dl><dt>How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

1. None. "We'll document it in the manual."
2. None. It's a hardware problem.
3. One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.
4. Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
5. Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.
6. Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the project, one technical writer to correct the spelling and grammar of the one who documented it, one light bulb librarian, a sales-force of at least five to drum up enough users who want to turn the light on, 274 users to burn out the new bulb, at which point we go to tender for another light bulb change,...
7. Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.
8. Wait! Maybe the bulb isn't broken. Let's try it again.
9. It's hard to say. Each time we separate the bulb into its modules to do unit testing, it stops working.
10. The change is 90% complete.
11. We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point trying to maintain it. We're going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait two months?
12. Only one, but she's not available. She's the only programmer we have who can get the <insert name="" here=""> software ready to ship to customers, and that's higher priority, you know.</insert>
13. Of course, as everyone knows, just five years ago all it took was a bunch of kids in a garage in Palo Alto to change a light bulb.

</dt></dl>

 

[Cindy Ellis]

<dl><dt>How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

1. ...
2. None. It's a hardware problem.
3. ...

</dt></dl>

That's the answer I had in mind, but I LOVE the other answers
Along a similar vein,
How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None...we'll fix it in the software
I'm sure there are better answers to that one too.

 

[Joe4]

My sister is an engineer, and the funniest engineer joke I ever heard was:

"You might be an engineer if you ever assumed a horse was a sphere to make the math easier!"

 

[delaneyjm]

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything he runs inside and dumps dirt all over the carpet.

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every bit of it."

She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"

The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"

She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."

 

[Wayne Duncan]

How many teenage girls does it take to change a light bulb?

One: She just holds up the bulb and the entire planet revolves around her.
(PS I raised 3 of 'em!)

 

[meldoc]

THE CARING GRANDFATHER

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson.

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . Easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the Granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the till, the little terror is throwing items out of the trolley, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax bud, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

So impressed, the woman goes outside where the Grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.
She says to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there.

I don't know how you do it. The whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive the child got, you just calmly kept saying that things would be okay.

William is very lucky to have you as his Grandpa."

"Thanks," said the old chap, "but I'm William . . .

the little b*@?$&d's name is Kevin."

 

[taurean]

:
:
How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None...we'll fix it in the software
I'm sure there are better answers to that one too.

Surprisingly there is only one, which you have given. I think the hyperlink in my post is 'clearly invisible' . It will take you to Lightbulb jokes.

As an end user - we just need to pray that software & hardware engineers don't work for the same company!

 

[htmagic]

Cute! A few people are really clever.
That's what I like about this forum.
That and the fact that one can get help with their Excel problems.

OK, to give back to the community, here's a good one I heard today.

There are three types of people in this world:

1. Those that can count
2. Those that can't

Enjoy!

MagicBill