Well, howdy, folks! As to what I've been up to, I reckon perhaps I could share a few excerpts from my journal from the past couple of years.
August 14th – Day 87 of trying to teach basic Excel formula skills to the Wopkaimin people of Papua New Guinea. I cannot help but think that the process would be much farther along if their villages had electricity. I am beginning to feel like trying to teach Excel skills to a people that have never seen a computer may be an exercise in futility.
December 23rd – Finished modifications to the Add-In for Santa just in time. Added new logic to help optimize the reindeer diet for the intense energy requirements of their next couple of days. Still working on the updates to the payroll module for the elves’ union.
February 14th – Hmmm, turns out the wife does NOT think using Aaron Blood’s vector macros to draw hearts and arrows on a worksheet is “super romantic”.
October 26th – Turned down request for proposal by one Mr. Linus Van Pelt. The guy wanted a “Great Pumpkin Tracking Application”. Did however submit a proposal to his sister, one Dr. Lucy Van Pelt, for a patient tracking application for her psychiatry practice.
March 17th – Finished the changes to the gold futures tracking workbook for the Leprechauns’ Guild. Still working on improving algorithms for forecasting fire rainbows. Based on Harry Potter lore, I’ve declined their offer for payment in Leprechaun gold.
April 8th – Disappointed in results for macros to locate hidden Easter eggs. Turns out it’s much more efficient to simply utilize the innate skillsets of a pack of small children.
November 25th – Apparently doing a regression analysis to graph the relationship between the number of servings of turkey, stuffing and mashed taters and the number of notches one must loosen one’s belt is considered “fiddley-fartin’ about with that blasted Excel nonsense”. And “grabbing a towel and drying the roasting pan” is considered “much more productive”. Sometimes genius is simply not appreciated.
Thank you for making me feel loved and missed. I shall endeavor to drop by with greater frequency!
