Things NOT to say to a Cop...

[Smitty]

From a frantic phone call from my wife a few minutes ago:

No sir, I don't seem to have my registration or proof of insurance.

Driver's License, sure.

"Is this your address?"

No sir, we haven't lived there for three years...

Did you pull me over for speeding?

"No you were doing 44 in a 45, I pulled you over for 'following too close', that's my thing." (Motorcycle cop, so it's somehwat understandable...)

The following too close part comes in because the idiot (I mean driver) in front of my wife slammed on the brakes because he saw some other idiot (I mean driver) pulled over by another cop, and she aparrently didn't slow down fast enough for the Cop's liking. (In California a traffic ticket is a very big thing...it seems that everyone needs to slow down and watch...I see it as an opportunity to speed up, as the ****er is busy )

So what NOT to say:

"Congratulations, you caught me on a fluke...If I'd slowed down any faster, the baby would have flown through the window!"

Yada yada yada, don't do it again, etc...TICKET.

Tell me that her face is not etched into that Cop's mind!

Oh yeah, court on this one! Where I can have people ask me if I'm a lawyer, because I'm the only one (other than lawyers) smart enough to actually waer a suit and be presentable before the court. :wink:

Smitty

 

[whiteghost]

Years ago, when I lived in Scotland, I got caught speeding (48 mph in a 40mph area) Fair enough, I was driving faster than the limit, but way these guys tried to anything else wrong with my car a bit more than my temper, which has it's own agenda, could take.
Finding nothing else wrong they charged me with the offence and told me I had the right to remain silent, (unfortunately my temper wasn't paying attention to that part) so I said, "You know, I apllied to join the Police once... passed all the tests and interviews...." {I knew one of them was going to ask, they can never resist} "So why did you not join?"

"The Chief Constable found out that my mother and father were married to each other when I was born"

now that is what not to say to a policeman

 

[Andrew Fergus]

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer gets out of his car, walks up to the speedster and says, "I clocked you at 130 km (that's about 81mph) per hour sir." The driver says, "Gee officer, I had it on cruise control at 100 - perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting his wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and says "Can you please keep quiet, just for this once?" The wife smiles demurely and says "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "**** it! Can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah well, you see officer, I had it on but I took it off when you pulled me over, so that I could get my licence out of my back pocket." At which point his wife interrupts "Now dear, you know very well you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT UP?" The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way Ma'am?" She replied "Only when he's been drinking".

 

[Felix Atagong]

I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE WITH THAT STOLEN CAR!

 

[Joe4]

A police officer pulls over a car that was speeding on the New York State Thruway. As he approaches the car, he notices it is occupied by three nuns. The officer asks the driver if she knows how fast she was driving.

"Yes, sir" she replies. "I was doing the stated speed limit, 90 MPH".

The officer explains to her that the green signs indicate the route number, not the speed limit. She was driving on route 90.

Embarassed, she apologized profusely.

Feeling generous, the officer decides to let them go with only a warning. As he is about to walk away, he notices that the nun in the back seat seems quite distraught. He asks is she is all right.

The nun in the passenger seat replies, "She'll be all right. We just got off route 190."