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defecate and urinate simultaneously. "Great! Another pair of underwear lost", he thought. "Hey boss...
mind if I go home a little early?" He pleaded. "In a few hours" his boss replied.
But I have an emergency he said
His boss begins to retort, "like the time Harley-riding Oompa..." -- but Hans Blix & Donny Rumsfield burst into the room; take one deep whiff and proclaim
"wEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION! "
A considerable amount of time and effort goes into the search. BD refuses to let HB & Co on his property! Even though he knows that the WoMaD are there HB is forced to report that there is no evidence that they actually exist. They leave the room..
... only to discover "We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto!" At which point there was an ear-piercing scream, which could only mean ...
that the Shamrock-shake-besotted Oompa Loompas had sent a raiding party into Munchkin Land. The head of the MM (Munchkin Militia) quickly...
stepped to the left, stepping on a small natterjack toad that had been sleeping nearby......
....causing Emperor Mini Me to exclaim, "Let's do the time warp again!" Suddenly every person young and old, short and tall began to.....
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...count backwards in integer time from TODAY() to Zero... this was gonna take some time thought Mini-Me...
.. but he never finished the though as he was walking across the road he was hit by a passing car; he was never seen by the driver. He was rushed to the hospital, but never made it. The Doctor said ...
"If only the emperor had known that you don't give a pickle to a lemur to show it you're friendly; you use pickles for wombats. To show a lemur you're friendly you..."
tickle the underside of its...
... little pink uvula.
but the doctor being too embarrassed to continue (and too embarrassed to ask what that was), he thought better of it, and decided to
Quit to save the munchkins from the raiding Harley riding oompa-lompas, by arming them with squirty ketchup bottles from th local greasy spoon.
... which was a well-known eatery on the shady-side of the tracks, know for its endless servings of spam, spam, and - oh by the way - more spam. Hence the origin of the munchkin phrase ...
Just follow that yellow brick... road. We're off to eat the dinner, the wonderful dinner of Spam.
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If ever a yummy dinner there was, Spam's the most wonderful dinner there is!" The Munchkin Militia had broken into song (bad habit of theirs). The rousing chorus was interrupted as the leader of the Oompa Loompa raiders
who said: "I spam, therefore I am."
Well, nobody ever accused the Oompa Loompa of deep thinking, although - it's a little known fact - they are the very best in the world at ...
ping pong. Surprisingly enough, they are just tall enough to stand a full head above the table, and giving them an advantage to see the ball more readily. But the problem is ...
lip splinters.
Which helps explain the bizarre Oompa Loompa mating ritual of ...
..."tipping the spam". But the less said about that the better, because...
that leads to tipping others things, like the outhouse, and of course...
cow tipping. Speaking of cows...
... the "tipping the cow" ritual has long been considered a customary type of 'rite of passage' for the Oompa's. Also, as part of this passage, it is necessary to ...
to become one with the cow, by spending 7 days living as a cow within the herd....
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and what between hungry calves looking for dinner and ardent bulls, being "a cow in the herd" ain't as easy as you might think; yet it was still better than the Munchkins' rite of passage which involved...
reciting the bloodless oath backwards in Latin while drinking from a yard glass, all the while bungy-jumping from...
However once you have achieved cow-oneness you are granted certain cow-powers, among them the ability to...
... create lots of methane, which always comes in handy wen you're ...
.. in thick bovine traffic, clearing the path without much effort. But the downside is ..
the PETA members who are picketing us for contributing to the greenhouse effect.
Now I know you're thinking "Where did I put that...
spatula? I had it when I was making flapjacks this morning; when our camp was attacked by...
... a herd of pygmy unicorns, who are always in a snit having spent all their lives being mistaken for thumbtacks.
posterior?! Why there was a time when we got RESPECT. But now people just look at us and say...
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"Ha, Ha, Ha! You've got to be kidding!!!" On the other hand that is better than the little yellow ...
... letters in the snow, written by the very clever [ and tri-dexterous ] rabbits whith which we started this story!
Ahh yes, the rabbits .... One named dementia, he had just began to tell the story of
the terrible two headed dog boy from canada. It all started deep in the heart of toronto...
while I was walking down Young street, near the CN tower....
reminiscing about the good old days when the Argonauts...
... were getting the living *crap* beat outta them by my old high-school friend Condredge Holloway, who once told me that it got so cold in Edmonton one time they almost froze their ...
... tongues to their poutine. It was such a horrific day in Canadian history. Many remember, but most try to forget. But that's not quite as bad as ...
the time Holloway woke up one day only to relalize that a trecherous band of one eyed
fans from Regina - home of the "mighty" Roughriders - were waiting to ...
JJ - I remember Mr. Holloway!
