Best Headlines of 2004

[Smitty]

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[you think?!]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

 

[The Tamer]

Sir John Pittsbury, tenacious campaigner against the National Hospitals Trust was himself rushed into hospital yesterday with a suspected heart-attack. This morning, doctors say they are pleased with his condition. He's dead.

 

[Smitty]

This morning, doctors say they are pleased with his condition. He's dead.

So much for bedside manner... :wink:

Smitty

 

[Glaswegian]

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred today when a small 2- seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery this afternoon in central Ireland.

Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

 

[NdNoviceHlp]

An actual NEWS quote that has stuck with me from a couple of months ago..
"If a World wide pandemic breaks out, many people could die" Is their any sense wasting your breathe saying this? Dave

 

[caringsharingbristolbilly]

My personal favourite is from a few years back. It was a genuine headline from a British Newspaper.

Iraq's Hidden Arsenal.

Couldn't they have taken West Ham instead?