Alternative Excel Dictionary

[xlHammer]

The real meaning of some excel functions;


<TABLE style="WIDTH: 319pt; BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=425 border=0 x:str><COLGROUP><COL style="WIDTH: 80pt; mso-width-source: userset; mso-width-alt: 3913" width=107><COL style="WIDTH: 239pt; mso-width-source: userset; mso-width-alt: 11629" width=318><TBODY><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 80pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=107 height=17>BIN2OCT</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 239pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=318>Your dustbin will only be emptied twice this month</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>COMBIN</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">A type of hair gel</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>CORREL</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">Put the wagons in a circle</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>DAVERAGE</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">Like road rage only aimed at one specific bloke</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>DOLLARDE</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">A South African idiot</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>DURATION</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">The time it takes to put a condom on</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>FISHERINV</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">He who releases his catch back into the river</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>GEOMEAN</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">To be harmful to the planet</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>HYPERLINK</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">A link that's had too much coke and sweets</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>IMARGUMENT</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">That row that has been brewing is now imminent</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>IMCONJUGATE</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">The making-up after the row is imminent</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>IMSIN</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">The making-up is about to get naughty</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>IMPRODUCT</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">Should have used that condom</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>ISPMT</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">Catch-all excuse</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>MINVERSE</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">A very small poem</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>OCT2BIN</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">This month you're allowed two bins</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>PPMT</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">The lull before the storm</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>SQRTPI</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">Pie, in aerosol form</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>TTEST</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">The trial period before going completely tee-total</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=17>YIELDMAT</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent">To give up on a beer sodden coaster</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>


Sorry, I was a bit bored. Any other offers?

 

[RichardS]

COUPDAYS Tumultuous times

 

[Beezkneez]

NETWORKDAYS A good time to go fishing.

 

[Domski]

A few fairly poor offerings

NETWORKDAYS - Time spent with people you don't know pretending your current job's far more important than it is
COMBIN - looking for something on the beach
AMORDEGRC - A murdering Greek (as said by Max from Hart to Hart)
AREAS - Who says I've got a hairy ***!!!
BAHTTEXT - Jamaican cricket scores
COMPLEX - I told you, I haven't got a hairy ***!!!
DAVERAGE - Jamaican average
DCOUNT - Jamaican Dracula
DEGREES - Jamaican WD40
DPRODUCT - Aye!!!!
DSTDEV - Impure product
DSUM - DPRICE of DPRODUCT
DWARP - DHEAD after too much of DPRODUCT

I'm going to stop now, they're getting worse.

Dom

 

[gingerafro]

ACOSH - Using this will protect a cell by giving anyone who alters it a slap on the back of the head
RATE - This function will tell you how good your spreadsheet is
ADDRESS - Can get you the location of the nice girl in Sales
CHAR - Will deliver a nice cup of tea on demand

I think this could me more of a wish list....

 

[xlHammer]

AMORDEGRC - A murdering Greek (as said by Max from Hart to Hart)

That's got to be my favourite one so far.

 

[xlHammer]

Surprised you missed this one though Dom,

<TABLE style="WIDTH: 204pt; BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=272 border=0 x:str><COLGROUP><COL style="WIDTH: 63pt; mso-width-source: userset; mso-width-alt: 3072" width=84><COL style="WIDTH: 141pt; mso-width-source: userset; mso-width-alt: 6875" width=188><TBODY><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 63pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=84 height=17>TBILLPRICE</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 141pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=188>- T' cost of t'meal in Yorkshire</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

 

[Domski]

Surprised you missed this one though Dom,

<TABLE style="WIDTH: 204pt; BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=272 border=0 x:str><COLGROUP><COL style="WIDTH: 63pt; mso-width-source: userset; mso-width-alt: 3072" width=84><COL style="WIDTH: 141pt; mso-width-source: userset; mso-width-alt: 6875" width=188><TBODY><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl22 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 63pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=84 height=17>TBILLPRICE</TD><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 141pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=188>- T' cost of t'meal in Yorkshire</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

Nice!!!

Equally:

TTEST - a Yorkshireman trying to add the bill up
WEIBULL - a Geordie realising someone's lying to them

Dom

 

[caringsharingbristolbilly]

My slightly useless contribution:

ACCRINT - "...Stanley? Who are they?" (for those who remember the advert)
ADDRESS - Because it's bad form to go to the ball naked.
AMORLINC - The Excel dating service.
ASIN - #DIV/0! for Catholics.
AVEDEV - How to greet members of the IT department.
BESSELK - Because not all elks are created equal.
BIN2HEX - The use of office furniture in witchcraft.
CHITEST - Superlative meaning "the worst".
CHOOSE - The opening monologue of Trainspotting.
COLUMNS - Was never as good as Tetris.
CONFIDENCE - Switches off auto-save.
COS - A key ingredient in a Caesar salad.
COUPDAYBS - I thought overthrowing the government was meant to be fun, but it isn't.
COUPNUM - I thought I'd be excited, but actually I'm feeling quite "meh".
COUPPCD - Still, the music's been great.
COVAR - Crap, it's the police! With guns! Hide!
CUBEKPIMEMBER - A Polish cucumber.
CUBEMEMBER - I've seen that film, trust me you don't want to be one of these...
CUBERANKEDMEMBER - And that teacher character in the film really needed a shower.
CUMPRINC - I think I'll skip this one...
DAYS360 - Before the PS3 came out.
DURATION - The speech at a Jamaican ceremony.
EOMONTH - Those glorious four weeks I spent in the 3D cinema at EuroDisney in the 90s.
FDIST - A Jamaican really doesn't like the Earl Grey I made him.
FVSCHEDULE - Apart from Dave, there's nothing worth watching on free-to-air in the UK.
HYPERLINK - A cheat for Legend Of Zelda.
HYPGEOMDIST - Don't be ridiculous, it's not *that* far...
IMREAL - The Pinnocchio Function.
JIS - See CUMPRINC.
KURT - Never mind...
LOGEST - Anticipation of the pain quotient of the first bowel movement of the day following a vindaloo the night before.
LOG10 - Actual pain rating.
LOOKUP - ...and ask god why he let you eat that curry.
MAX - Yep, this is probably the most painful...
MAXA - Nope, it's more painful than that, even.
MEDIAN - Yep, I'm definitely not going for another hot one next time.
MODE - Or I'll just have some Ice Cream with it.
MULTINOMIAL - How curries always seem to have slightly different names in every curry house.
NORMSDIST - Some street kids have been a little mean about that chap.
ODDFPRICE - Nothing ends in .99 now VAT's been changed.
OFFSET - The alien shouldn't have DIST the mafia.
PEARSON - Setting fire to vegetables.
RANDBETWEEN - When you get squashed between two attractive ladies on the tube.
ROMAN - No he's not, he's a very naughty boy. (Yes, yes, I know that's not right, but I'm tired)
SQL.REQUEST- "Here, boy - I have peanuts..."
STANDARDIZE - When you don't need glasses.
SUMX2MY2 - Text message.
ZTEST - I'm just resting my eyes.