# Things I’ve Learned About The Good Old U S of A From Watching Films And Telly



## xlHammer (Sep 14, 2008)

Everything I know about the US I've gleaned from the large or small screen;

<TABLE style="WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=578 border=0 x:str><COLGROUP><COL style="WIDTH: 434pt; mso-width-source: userset; mso-width-alt: 21138" width=578><TBODY><TR style="HEIGHT: 25.5pt" height=34><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 25.5pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=34>1. There is a company in the US called Acme which can supply absolutely anything, in particular gadgets for the pursuit and capture of mice, rabbits and roadrunners.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=17>2. Anyone of any significance will have the digits 555 in their phone number.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=17>3. There is a creature called a ‘varmint’, it can pick cotton.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 25.5pt" height=34><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 25.5pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=34>4. Local sheriffs are permitted to be massively overweight, virtually incomprehensible and have the shooting prowess of Stevie Wonder.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=17>5. Outrunning a pursuing police car exonerates you from the crime in question.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 25.5pt" height=34><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 25.5pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=34>6. Chelsea, Everton, Charlton and Inverness Caledonian Thistle are football teams in the UK, in America they are first names.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=17>7. It is not possible to become a lifeguard in the US without having breast implants.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=17>8. No matter where you live in the US it is possible to drive to Las Vegas for the weekend.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 25.5pt" height=34><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 25.5pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=34>9. Murphy’s Law (US Version): If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong over the Thanksgiving holiday.</TD></TR><TR style="HEIGHT: 25.5pt" height=34><TD class=xl24 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 25.5pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=34>10. Everybody has at least one acquaintance that is afraid of flying resulting in either a long distance train/car journey or the deployment of a doctored glass of milk.</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

and finally;

<TABLE style="WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=578 border=0 x:str><COLGROUP><COL style="WIDTH: 434pt; mso-width-source: userset; mso-width-alt: 21138" width=578><TBODY><TR style="HEIGHT: 12.75pt" height=17><TD style="BORDER-RIGHT: #ece9d8; BORDER-TOP: #ece9d8; BORDER-LEFT: #ece9d8; WIDTH: 434pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #ece9d8; HEIGHT: 12.75pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=578 height=17>11. The President of the US is always decent, honest, noble and brave.

Would anybody care to offer any further observations? Perhaps some of our american cousins can offer their views of the UK?

</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>


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## yytsunamiyy (Sep 14, 2008)

As a result of 11)
As the president is the commander in chief all his / her military subordinates are decent, honest, noble and brave too - and can not fail to win - ever!

Maybe not specific to the US, but neithertheless:
- If you are captured and locked up in a garage / cellar you may escape by constructing a tank from nothing but a pen, the shreds of the tape used to tie you up and a conveniently located lawnmower
- If chased by a murderous maniac it is wise to run as fast as you can - no matter where, as long as it is as far away from your friends as possible. Your escape route should ideally be dark and form a circle, giving the chasing maniac the sporting opportunity to wait for you around a corner


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## Thorin (Sep 15, 2008)

Maybe the one in number 7 is for additional buoyancy !


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## kgkev (Sep 15, 2008)

no matter how many pullets are fired at a US soldier / cop they will all miss other than 1 which will be a non fatal wound to the left arm meaning the gun hand is free to shoot very accuratly.

American guns don't require reloading as often as anyone elses and if they do american trousers  (pants???) have big enough pockets to carry boxes and boxes of ammo.

American police spend all day in doughnuts shops.

Stores in america make a habit of storing new, clean & empty cardboard boxes in back allies.  They pile them high in some cases and often make little walls out of them.

only clean waste is allowed in dumpsters.  Who knows who might jump in one.


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## Joe4 (Sep 15, 2008)

These are pretty funny.  How about a a few more:

- If you hear a strange sound or think someone is in your house, it is better to split up investigate by yourself rather than stick together or call the police (the basis of about every horror movie)

- There are no stupid criminals, all criminals are masterminds

- If you hold your handgun sidewise while shooting, it is more accurate

- Beautiful supermodel women are attracted to to overweight, unattractive, oafish men as long as they have a sense of humor (most sitcoms)

- All women who work in law enforcement are drop-dead gorgeous


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## riaz (Sep 15, 2008)

White man speak with forked tongue.  must be speaking in Hisspaniol.


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## Greg Truby (Sep 15, 2008)

kgkev said:


> no matter how many pullets are fired at a US soldier / cop...


I don't care who ya are, that's a funny typo right there... 



kgkev said:


> American guns don't require reloading as often as anyone elses


Actually, I too thought we had the only 50-shots-in-clip pistols until I saw a Hong Kong action flick. The feller I saw was gettin' a couple hundred outta each pistol without reloadin'.



kgkev said:


> American police spend all day in doughnuts shops.


Almost... in today's America the doughnut shop has been replaced by the convenience store. And this one is true. Convenience stores are a frequent target for armed robbery. So they gladly offer officers free coffee (I don't know if the doughnuts are free) so that cops will stop by frequently. Helps keep the robbers on their toes if they never know when a patrol car will roll up in search of java and pastries.


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## kgkev (Sep 15, 2008)

Greg Truby said:


> I don't care who ya are, that's a funny typo right there...


 
I have no idea where the P came from  - not like its even near the B.


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## Patience (Sep 15, 2008)

Joe4 said:


> - If you hold your handgun sidewise while shooting, it is more accurate



Which is of course the exact opposite of truth. I am told it is nigh on impossible to hit a barn door like this.


Anyway here is me addition...

 - High school kids in America are generally all gorgeous (unless they are token geeks (who after a make over look utterly gorgeous)) and look about 10 years older than UK school kids of comparable age.


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## yytsunamiyy (Sep 15, 2008)

Patience said:


> ...and look about 10 years older than UK school kids of comparable age.



...you can be beautifull, intelligent or funny, pick two.


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## kgkev (Sep 15, 2008)

yytsunamiyy said:


> ...you can be beautifull, intelligent or funny, pick two.


 
Works for the cast of Friends.


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## Patience (Sep 15, 2008)

Haha! Maybe that's it - they ARE 10 years older!

I just thought they couldn't find any 18 year old actors in America, so they took their pick from the late 20s crowd!


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## xlHammer (Sep 15, 2008)

Joe4 said:


> - All women who work in law enforcement are drop-dead gorgeous


 
In a similar vein, everyone who works in a US hospital is gorgeous. Most of the patients in US hospitals are also gorgeous regardless of how ill they are.


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## Legacy 96851 (Sep 15, 2008)

xlHammer said:


> In a similar vein, everyone who works in a US hospital is gorgeous. Most of the patients in US hospitals are also gorgeous regardless of how ill they are.


 
I think it's just that everyone is gorgeous. That's American TV for yeh. 

Here's a not-too-well thought out list of my own about the Brits. (mostly from BBC and comic books)

1.) Everyone wears a suit everywhere all the 
time

2.) Sex is the only topic of conversation, 
especially among elderly and undesirable 
individuals

3.) Tea probably comes out of faucets, as it is 
the only beverage ever consumed, barring of 
course beer (see #7)
4.) There are no such thing as cookies

5.) Among any group of people, the 'foreign 
friend' (especially if he's from Scotland) is 
always the stupid one

6.) Unexpected words in sentences form the 
basis of comedy; for instance: "I brushed my 
teeth with a chicken this morning" would be a 
hilarious joke (though it might actually 
explain the condition of the teeth over 
there...)

7.) Life transpires in a pub. If you are not in 
a pub, you are on your way to a pub or on your 
way from a pub. More often than not, death 
transpires in a pub as well.

8.) Football is actually played with the feet

9.) Anything can be blamed on the Queen

10.) It rain literally without end - except 
during cricket matches, when the weather is 
always warm and sunny


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## riaz (Sep 15, 2008)

Yourself said:


> 10.) It rain literally without end - except
> during cricket matches, when the weather is
> always warm and sunny



And here's me thinking those blokes in white (and sometimes in coloured pajamas) were actually performing a rain making ceremony.  As far as I can tell, everytime the high priest in black trousers hands the shiny red object of worship to one of the worshippers in white, the rain comes down.


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## cornflakegirl (Sep 15, 2008)

I don't get 6. Actually, none of them really resonate, except 8 and the first part of 10 (Riaz being right about the second part!).

If you want to understand British humour, listen to I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue.


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## kgkev (Sep 15, 2008)

3) Tea & 7)Pubs means that Eastenders / Corination Street are show in the US I guess.

Also confused about the Chicken & Cookies! Any idea what program these come from??


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## Domski (Sep 15, 2008)

Nope, 6 is a mystery to me. I do agree with 7 though, speaking of which it's time for a pint.

Dom


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## Patience (Sep 15, 2008)

Cookies - we have no need for them as we have biscuits. Which are distinctly different (I know - I used to work for Millie's Cookies when I was 16, and I still remember the stern training I got about the differences.) SO actually we DO have cookies, but only from Millie's.


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## cornflakegirl (Sep 15, 2008)

Aren't cookies just chewy biscuits? Or have Sainsbury's been deceiving me all this time?


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## barry houdini (Sep 15, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> Aren't cookies just chewy biscuits?


 
Aren't biscuits just crunchy cookies?


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## Patience (Sep 15, 2008)

Things I might learn about the UK if I didn't live here...


 - Oxford is a dangerous place to live. Being an Oxford Don will dramatically shorten your life expectancy.
 - Village fetes should only attended by those wearing arrow proof jackets. Particularly if Bergerac has been seen hanging around.
 - Slightly batty old ladies should be employed more often by the police.
 - Top Secret organisations don't realise that having a blacked out Land Rover with TORCHWOOD written over it makes them not very secret. But its OK, they have retcon...
 - We are all posh.
 - Unless of course we aren't, when we sound somewhat stupid/aggressive.

Actually those last two I might learn if I were watching an American show about UK people.


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## Patience (Sep 15, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> Aren't cookies just chewy biscuits? Or have Sainsbury's been deceiving me all this time?



"A cookie is not a biscuit. It is a cookie. It should be soft on the inside and crunchy on the outside. If it is crunchy on the inside it is not a cookie..."

12 years ago, and I still have it etched on my mind.


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## Joe4 (Sep 15, 2008)

> In a similar vein, everyone who works in a US hospital is gorgeous.


There is one exception, Gregory House the show "House".  Ironically, I believe he is an English actor (Hugh Laurie, I believe).

Actually, my biggest beef with American TV is all the "reality" shows.  They certainly don't represent any "reality" I have ever known...

Basically, it seems like with have three different kind of shows on Network TV now:

1.  Reality shows
2.  Hospital shows
3.  Crime shows (mostly made up by about 100 different versions "Law And Order" and "CSI" -- I can hardly wait for "CSI: Anchorage")


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## DominicB (Sep 15, 2008)

> 1.) Everyone wears a suit everywhere all the
> time


Only if you;re watching really old TV programmes.



> 3.) Tea probably comes out of faucets, as it is
> the only beverage ever consumed, barring of
> course beer (see #7)


What's a "facet".  Oh, you mean a tap...



> 4.) There are no such thing as cookies


Yes there are.  We call them biscuits.



> 6.) Unexpected words in sentences form the
> basis of comedy; for instance: "I brushed my
> teeth with a chicken this morning" would be a
> hilarious joke (though it might actually
> ...


In tripe programmes like Friends, perhaps.  But that's American.
English humour is a lot more subtle.  And funnier.
Oh yes, and English teeth are the colour they're meant to be rather than the sanitised shiny whites the yanks like.



> 8.) Football is actually played with the feet


I understand that's why it's called football



> 9.) Anything can be blamed on the Queen


Nope.  Usually the Government.



> 10.) It rain literally without end - except
> during cricket matches, when the weather is
> always warm and sunny


Manchester has less precipitation than New York.

DominicB<!-- / message --><!-- sig -->


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## Patience (Sep 15, 2008)

Something I have learned about the UK from this thread.

 - People in the UK aren't quite as good at taking the joke when it is turned round.


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## cornflakegirl (Sep 15, 2008)

Speaking for myself, I don't have a problem with taking the joke, I just genuinely don't understand it! I really would like to know which of our programmes are shown in the US.

Tbh, not sure how much you'd really learn about us from British telly, as so much is imported from the States anyway. Apart from the period dramas.


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## Joe4 (Sep 15, 2008)

> Something I have learned about the UK from this thread.
> 
> - People in the UK aren't quite as good at taking the joke when it is turned round.


Does seem that way. doesn't it?

I thought the whole thing was pretty funny, which is why I am contributing to making fun of American TV and I am a full-blooded American.

I'm sure most countries have their share of ridiculous stereotypes which are propagated by TV and the mass media.  I haven't been to England, but I hope not everyone has teeth like Austin Powers!


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## Patience (Sep 15, 2008)

So would I actually like to know that. I know they get Doctor Who and Torchwood (cos I am geek and sometimes go to internet forums where people sometimes talk about such things) but I don't think they are shown widely.


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## Joe4 (Sep 15, 2008)

> Speaking for myself, I don't have a problem with taking the joke, I just genuinely don't understand it! I really would like to know which of our programmes are shown in the US.


Oddly, enough it is mostly the older shows which are shown on PBS, like "Monty Python", "Allo, Allo", and "Are You Being Served?".  Different kind of sense of humor, but funny all the same (at least to me!).


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## Patience (Sep 15, 2008)

Joe4 said:


> I haven't been to England, but I hope not everyone has teeth like Austin Powers!



Haha! God no! Thank goodness! Some do, however...


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## RoryA (Sep 15, 2008)

Joe4 said:


> There is one exception, Gregory House the show "House". Ironically, I believe he is an English actor (Hugh Laurie, I believe).
> 
> Actually, my biggest beef with American TV is all the "reality" shows. They certainly don't represent any "reality" I have ever known...
> 
> ...


 
He is indeed English. (Born in Oxford but saw sense and got educated in Cambridge)

Re the TV, it's much the same over here - they basically just combine those 3 types in various orders, occasionally adding the word "Celebrity" in front of the title (all evidence to the contrary)


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## xlHammer (Sep 15, 2008)

I understand that most people not from the UK believe that Christmas in England is some sort of chocolate-box lid style winter wonderland, when in reality it's a puke lined, drizzle soaked, shopping nightmare where you have to spend hours in traffic jams 'visiting' your relatives.

I was lucky enough to spend Christmas in Las Vegas a few years ago, second best Christmas this side of puberty (after Christmas on honeymoon in Mexico).


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## yytsunamiyy (Sep 15, 2008)

Something I learned when I lived in London:

- Actual english natives do not exist within the M25, If they are white, they are polish, Lithuanian, Irish, Kiwis, Aussies, Germans, French or Yanks.
- The average London girl prefers to wear sandals and a mini skirt, especially if it is 5 degrees below freezing with a nice drift of sleet.
- no matter how you make your way to work, you will always be late, because either your tubeline is broken down, the tube is on strike or you are trapped in a traffic jam.


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## cornflakegirl (Sep 15, 2008)

'Allo 'Allo? Really? Not exactly a classic of the genre (although I liked it when I was a kid).

Just trying to think what I'd send you if I ruled the world...


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## cornflakegirl (Sep 15, 2008)

Actually, speaking of Hugh Laurie, I'd definitely send you Jeeves and Wooster.


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## Patience (Sep 15, 2008)

Send them QI. That has to be the pinnacle of current UK humour? 

Anything with Stephen Fry. A national treasure.


Edit - I see you want to send them more of him too!


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## cornflakegirl (Sep 15, 2008)

Yeah, QI. And New Tricks.

Maybe Absolute Power. But it was better on the radio.


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## Greg Truby (Sep 15, 2008)

Patience said:


> "A cookie is not a biscuit. It is a cookie. It should be soft on the inside and crunchy on the outside. If it is crunchy on the inside it is not a cookie..."



Look, we get a lot of non-native English speakers comin' through here and you folks are gonna confuse 'em 'bout the whole cookie 'n' biscuits business. So let me set the record straight:

If'n ya pour gravy on it and eat if fer breakfast, along with some bacon (none of this "rashers" business) and perhaps a bowl o' grits then it's a _biscuit._
If'n ya dip it in milk and ya hafta hide the package from yer young'uns lest they leave ya with naught but crumbs, then it's a _cookie._
Don't let them folks over yonder confuddle ya. I mean who ya gonna believe, them or this guy? Biscuits. 
Dang, now I'm


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## Legacy 96851 (Sep 15, 2008)

Man, half the reason I posted that list was I knew the thread would blow up in a "no we don't nuh-uh that's not true" way. 

I could've equally taken apart the list about the U.S., but, then again, it was a joke based on TV shows. I was more making fun of people that believe the stereotypes, not the country itself.

And as to the non-sequitur humor, I remember that mostly from Red Dwarf and Dr. Who (yeah, I know, really old shows, but so were most of xlHammer's references).


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## Domski (Sep 15, 2008)

Red Dwarf is and always will be one of my favourite shows. In retrospect some of the stuff they come out with is a bit odd but hilarious anyway.

In more recent years I'd suggest catching up with The Fast Show, The League of Gentlemen, and The Mighty Boosh if you want to see where British humour is heading. They all take a bit of getting used to but are fantastic all the same.

Don't get me started about reality TV though. The only good thing about it is that I watch less TV and get out and see my friends more.

Dom


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## Legacy 96851 (Sep 15, 2008)

Domski said:


> Red Dwarf is and always will be one of my favourite shows. In retrospect some of the stuff they come out with is a bit odd but hilarious anyway.
> 
> In more recent years I'd suggest catching up with The Fast Show, The League of Gentlemen, and The Mighty Boosh if you want to see where British humour is heading. They all take a bit of getting used to but are fantastic all the same.
> 
> ...



Oh man, I forgot about The Mighty Boosh. A perfect example of what I was saying. That show is hilarious.
"You ever drink Bailey's from a shoe?"


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## MorganO (Sep 15, 2008)

From my brief forays into British TV, here is what I've 'learned' about Great Britian:

- The comman man will go to great lengths to appear more well off and connected than he/she really is (Keeping Up Appearances)

- Chasing after scantily clad women on city streets and local parks is a national past time (The Benny Hill Show)


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## Andrew Fergus (Sep 15, 2008)

Domski said:


> In more recent years I'd suggest catching up with The Fast Show, The League of Gentlemen, and The Mighty Boosh if you want to see where British humour is heading. They all take a bit of getting used to but are fantastic all the same.


Are you local?

I watched The League of Gentlemen with, might I add, some degree of wonderment at the insanity / ridiculousness of it all. I love British humour but it took me a while to work out what was going on with that one......certain scenes/skits were side-splitting.

Is Ricky Gervais still popular (was he ever?) in the UK? His comedy shows have been very popular here. IMO that is comedy gold.....I love the non-verbal humour.

Insofar as steroetypical *things* from movies, I want some of those 'L' shaped sheets you see in movies, except my wife can have the short side of the L.....

Andrew

P.S.  I'm also amazed at the random crowds of people who break into rapturous and spontaneous applause.  I have never seen that happen before in real life.  I'd like to see that one day.....


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## Domski (Sep 15, 2008)

The League of Gentlemen took me ages to get into and I think it was only after watching the re-runs I finally got it and now love every minute. Ricky Gervais had success with The Office and Extras but never really did it for me I have to admit. Along with Peter Kay (Phoenix Nights and Max & Paddy) I think he had his day and was successful for a fairly brief period but whether they'll be back is questionable.

Also worth a highly honourable mention would be The Young Ones and Bottom, both starring Rick Mayall and Adrian Edmonson. Sheer brialliance!!!

I've heard about cinema crowds in the states spontaneously bursting into applause and cheering (usually when the USA has saved the world again), which I have to admit to finding a bit odd.

Dom


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## Joe4 (Sep 15, 2008)

> I've heard about cinema crowds in the states spontaneously bursting into applause and cheering (usually when the USA has saved the world again), which I have to admit to finding a bit odd.


Have you "heard" where there is happening?  I'd love to go there and check it out for myself, as I don't think I have ever witnessed that phenomenom!


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## Domski (Sep 15, 2008)

A friend told me about it when he went to see Independence Day not long after it opened in New York. I was also reading a review not long ago, although I can't remember what film for, where the guy watched it in a US cinema and the same thing happened.


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## Joe4 (Sep 15, 2008)

> A friend told me about it when he went to see Independence Day not long after it opened in New York. I was also reading a review not long ago, although I can't remember what film for, where the guy watched it in a US cinema and the same thing happened.


Hmmm...  Must be a big city thing...


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## Andrew Fergus (Sep 15, 2008)

Depsite the commonality of actors, The Young Ones is in a different league to Bottom. It was the other characters and the interplay that made The Young Ones what it was. IIRC that show launched the career of Alexi Sayle and his song "Hello John got a new motor?".

What is funny about the spontaneously clapping crowd is if you watch the extras before they break into rapturous applause.  Many of them have this face that says "I'm serious and I'm getting through here" only to stop, turn, break into a grin, walk slowly towards the main actors while clapping and then stop a respectful 5-10 metres away.  What was so important before that they could stop doing it now?


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## justme (Sep 16, 2008)

I like Rosemary & Thyme.  The library had one season on DVD.  I think it is with Felicity Kendall.  Liked that, then the librarian said she used to watch her in Good Neighbours years ago.  It was renamed to A Good Life when broadcast in the US.  I am wathching it through Netflix now.  

Love the humor.  Gotta be paying attention to the show to catch everything with all British humor.  

Watched Dr. Who years and years ago.  Loved it.  Getting the kids hooked on it now....


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## Patience (Sep 16, 2008)

Despite being really quite old now The Good Life is still superb. And what a cast - Felicity Kendall, Richard Briers, Penelope Keith and Paul Eddington. Yeah, that was a gem.


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## justme (Sep 16, 2008)

Is Rosemary & Thyme still on the air over there?  Was it popular?


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## Patience (Sep 16, 2008)

They show it quite often during the day. I don't think it was that popular, although it certainly wasn't unpopular. It is the sort of thing I am quite happy to sit and watch if I am off work sick.


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## riaz (Sep 16, 2008)

Patience said:


> Despite being really quite old now The Good Life is still superb. And what a cast - Felicity Kendall, Richard Briers, Penelope Keith and Paul Eddington. Yeah, that was a gem.



and Felicity Kendall in To the Manor Born.  That was just after The Good Life finished a season many years ago, but I still have fond memories of it.


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## justme (Sep 16, 2008)

Guess I will be hitting Netflix during dinner to see if they carry To The Manor Born.  Must - fight - the - urge - to - go - there - now......


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## cornflakegirl (Sep 16, 2008)

Speaking of Paul Eddington - Yes, Minister.


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## RoryA (Sep 16, 2008)

Wasn't it Penelope Keith in To The Manor Born?


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## Patience (Sep 16, 2008)

Yes, you are right.


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## riaz (Sep 16, 2008)

rorya said:


> Wasn't it Penelope Keith in To The Manor Born?


Quite right, Rory.  I had the two mixed up.  Signs of old age, when two good actresses become interchangeable.


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## Long Nose (Sep 17, 2008)

Here are a few for the British from an American.

1) You have something you call ice cream, but it is in no way ice cream.  It is more like cold cool whip.

2) Some British eat toast for breakfast with a beef bullion paste called Marmite.  This is not quite as bad as tasting a fisherman's friend, but it comes pretty darn close.

3) As soon as you open your mouth and utter a sentence, it can be determined where you live within a few blocks.

4) A public school is really a private school, but what then is a government run school called?

5) It makes me smile when I hear the British say; Aluminum, Privacy, Vitamin, and schedule.

6) British have the best sense of humor, or is that humour.

7) If you ever get an American dentist, you will never have had such clean teeth.

8) Americans don't understand how and when you change your Prime Ministers.

9) We love to see Parliament in session and all the heckling that goes on.

10) The UK music charts are about six months ahead of the US, and the BBC news tries the hardest not to show their bias.  They may be the only news source left where the idea of true journalism is still a worthy goal.


----------



## Long Nose (Sep 17, 2008)

rorya said:


> Wasn't it Penelope Keith in To The Manor Born?



Good show.  What is the "old school" saying that we hear from Margery and Audrey?  "No blez or bleige"  I can't quite make it out, or what it means.  Any help would be appreciated.


----------



## RoryA (Sep 17, 2008)

as I'm sure you are aware, it's the old staple " noblesse oblige"!


----------



## Long Nose (Sep 17, 2008)

Great, that makes perfect sense now.  Americans will not recognize titles in the USA, so the idea of birth rights are sorta lost on us.  You might say, "We Americans have no class." LOL.


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 17, 2008)

You're right about Marmite - it's disgusting stuff!


----------



## Long Nose (Sep 17, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> You're right about Marmite - it's disgusting stuff!



I almost forgot this one, my cousin's name is Randy Schrock, and that means absolutely nothing to Americans, but the British have turned that fine name into something entirely different.

Cheers!
Doug


----------



## RoryA (Sep 17, 2008)

marmite is one of the finest inventions in Christendom!!


----------



## Joe4 (Sep 17, 2008)

Doug:

_...And on Sundays I elude the Eyes,
And hop the Turbine Freight
To far outside the Wire,
Where my white-haired uncle waits._

(good taste in music, my man!)


----------



## barry houdini (Sep 17, 2008)

Hey, Long Nose, that's a pretty good list......here are some answers



Long Nose said:


> 2) Some British eat toast for breakfast with a beef bullion paste called Marmite. This is not quite as bad as tasting a fisherman's friend, but it comes pretty darn close..


 
I agree with you about Marmite, can't stand the stuff. Bovril, on the other hand, is the food of the gods......



Long Nose said:


> 3) As soon as you open your mouth and utter a sentence, it can be determined where you live within a few blocks..


 
This is true, but in the case of Londoners many Americans wrongly locate those few blocks in a suburb of Sydney......



Long Nose said:


> 4) A public school is really a private school, but what then is a government run school called?.


 
Presumably even more confusing Stateside, government run schools are "state schools"



Long Nose said:


> 7) If you ever get an American dentist, you will never have had such clean teeth..


 
What's a "dentist"?



Long Nose said:


> 8) Americans don't understand how and when you change your Prime Ministers..


 
Keep watching, it could be happening again anytime soon.......


----------



## PaddyD (Sep 18, 2008)

re the British comedy stuff - might have missed it in an earlier thread but should be pointed out that most of the good stuff started out great on the radio - BBC Radio 4 deserves inestimable praise in this regard - you heard it there first for:

- Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
- News Quiz (on TV as have I got News For You)
- League of Gentlemen 
etc etc...

But the zenith of all this, and the epitome of British humour has to be I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/comedy/clue.shtml

...which has yet to be translated to TV for some very good reasons.


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 18, 2008)

Paddy - and Absolute Power, and Little Britain (which was actually funny on the radio!)

I heard Graeme Garden talking about them bringing back ISIHAC (without a fixed chairman) the other day - and I'm sure that he said there was going to be a telly version too. But that may just have been a nightmare.


----------



## Patience (Sep 18, 2008)

Long Nose said:


> 5) It makes me smile when I hear the British say; Aluminum, Privacy, Vitamin, and schedule.



http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/aluminium

But we pronounce it correctly - you guys just lost an 'i'! 

And it makes me laugh when you say these words too. And don't get me started on 'fanny packs.'!


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 18, 2008)

Herbs. Why can't Americans pronounce that?


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 18, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> I heard Graeme Garden talking about them bringing back ISIHAC (without a fixed chairman) the other day - and I'm sure that he said there was going to be a telly version too. But that may just have been a nightmare.



Apparently, Humph's last ever show was recorded, and was broadcast on BBC Four on 13 September. It's available on iPlayer till 20 September. Not sure how I missed that!


----------



## kgkev (Sep 18, 2008)

You don't say Sodum or magnesum or even aquarum.  Why would you say aluminum?


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 18, 2008)

Because that's what Humphrey Davy called it.


----------



## kgkev (Sep 18, 2008)

> Sir Humphry made a bit of a mess of naming this new element, at first spelling it _alumium_ (this was in 1807) then changing it to _aluminum_, and finally settling on _aluminium_ in 1812.


 
Fair enough.


----------



## Patience (Sep 18, 2008)

Shucks. *hangs head in shame* So depending on which way youlook at it we are all wrong! Or all confused!


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 18, 2008)

Nah. The International Chemical whatsit has aluminium as the official standard spelling. So we're right. They're just not quite as wrong as it first appears


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 18, 2008)

Fanny pack :snurk:


----------



## RoryA (Sep 18, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> They're just not quite as wrong as it first appears


 
Not wrong - just quaintly old-fashioned.  I might start calling it alumium from now on...


----------



## kgkev (Sep 18, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> Fanny pack :snurk:


 
how childish.


----------



## riaz (Sep 18, 2008)

Fanny pack sounds a lot better then bum bag.


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 18, 2008)

Bum bag sounds silly (and rude if you're 4).
But I wouldn't say fanny in front of my mother!


----------



## Patience (Sep 18, 2008)

Yeah, I'm with Emma on this - Bum bag is sniggerable - Fanny Pack is Rude and now I am blushing!


----------



## riaz (Sep 18, 2008)

Would you also blush when talking about Freddie Mac's sister?


----------



## Patience (Sep 18, 2008)

I assume her name is Fanny? In which case, no - because it her name, and doesn't refer to a lady part.


----------



## kgkev (Sep 18, 2008)

Its actually Fannie.

You wouldn't blush at calling Richard -  "****" but you wouldn't buy a bag by the same name. (or maybe your would)

Same thing - I think?


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 18, 2008)

He means Fannie Mae (Federal National Mortgage Association).

Talking of which - why do they have such silly names? I was googling the other day - there are dozens of them!


----------



## riaz (Sep 18, 2008)

Patience said:


> I assume her name is Fanny? In which case, no - because it her name, and doesn't refer to a lady part.



But I thought Fanny was a proper British name for a lady, and that the part you allude to was called bottom, backside, situpon, and progressing to the more commonly used words of today.  But Fanny, I never heard that in England.


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 18, 2008)

riaz said:


> But Fanny, I never heard that in England.



Well, you wouldn't - it's very rude indeed!


----------



## riaz (Sep 18, 2008)

What I meant was I never heard it in the context being discussed now, as a substitute for the posterior. However, I am sure it is the diminutive for Frances.  



> I assume her name is Fanny? In which case, no - because it her name, and doesn't refer to a lady part.


 I am confused now.  It is OK to call somebody Fanny if it is her name, but to call someone that if it is NOT their name is rude.


----------



## RoryA (Sep 18, 2008)

Yep. Same with ****.


----------



## kgkev (Sep 18, 2008)

An american fanny is not an rude as an English Fanny (which as cornflake girl says is very rude)

but I suppose it would be acceptable to call a baby fanny (although old fasioned)

I seem to remember Enid Blyton always had a fanny in her books.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fanny

Fanny / fannie short for Francis.


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 18, 2008)

rorya said:


> Yep. Same with ****.



Except you might call someone a **** to be offensive, but I don't think you would call them a fanny?

Of course, telling someone to stop fannying about isn't really rude at all.


----------



## Patience (Sep 18, 2008)

No - the rudeness is just in what it means. It isn't really an insult - but a rude word for a certain part of a girl.


----------



## RoryA (Sep 18, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> Except you might call someone a **** to be offensive, but I don't think you would call them a fanny?


 
no, 'fanny' wouldn't be the word I'd use. 
'fannying about' and 'dicking around' are pretty much interchangeable though.
I personally don't think that fanny is a _particularly_ rude word, but maybe that's just me.


----------



## Patience (Sep 18, 2008)

rorya said:


> no, 'fanny' wouldn't be the word I'd use.
> 'fannying about' and 'dicking around' are pretty much interchangeable though.
> I personally don't think that fanny is a _particularly_ rude word, but maybe that's just me.



Yeah - there are certainly at least two synonyms that are significantly ruder, (which I think you have alluded to!) One of which I consider to be the most offensive word in the English Language.


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 18, 2008)

Do you really? I don't think I do - mainly because it's just a synonym for vulva, so ultimately, how rude can that be? I think terms that are explicitly derogatory about a person's character are actually much worse...

I don't think fanny is rude either. Just a bit coarse.


----------



## Patience (Sep 18, 2008)

I had this discussion with someone at work once, and the reason I gave was that it is BECAUSE it is a synonym for vulva that I find it offensive, but maybe for different reasons. If someone uses the word then the intention surely is to be offensive. I find it insulting, as a woman, that someone would choose a word that essentially means what it means to be so offensive.

Does that even make sense? In my head it did. :-S


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 18, 2008)

No 
We need to reclaim it


----------



## Patience (Sep 18, 2008)

Exactly! That's sort of what I meant. But not in an irritating Germaine Greer type way.


----------



## RoryA (Sep 18, 2008)

I'm guessing which synonym you have in mind (!), but I think it is more the _sound_ of that particular word when it's used than its literal meaning. It's particularly vehement generally. (I do occasionally hear it used in the same way that one would use 'idiot' and it seems less offensive purely because it's not uttered in the same way.) Regardless, it certainly should not be used with the frequency it is in everyday life - or maybe I just spend too much time in London.


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 18, 2008)

No, no Germaine Greer. And I may have to not reclaim it while my 3yo is around, either. 

I never hear anyone say it. Except on telly. But I agree, when uttered without venom it is much less offensive. Although Bryony may disagree!


----------



## riaz (Sep 18, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> I never hear anyone say it. Except on telly. But I agree, when uttered without venom it is much less offensive. Although Bryony may disagree!



Just to clarify please, are we all talking about a certain four letter word beginning with C?  I ask because Emma says she never hears it except on telly.  I would have thought this is the one word that would never make it to the small screen, hence my confusion.  If it is this word, what's it doing on telly?  If it is not, what _are_ we talking about?


----------



## Long Nose (Sep 18, 2008)

We certainly have offensive words in the States, but another one that does not connote the same offense in American English is the word Bloody.  For example, the Yes song, Bloody well right.  Can you explain how this is offensive?

No, I wouldn't use it around my three year old either, but also because it is not part of my vocabulary.

On a  side note, have you seen the Orbitz dirty mouth commercials where they are in a heated row using innocuous words like, "What the French Toast?"


----------



## Patience (Sep 18, 2008)

Is the word ' bloody' more or less offensive in America? It isn't that bad here, at all. It just means 'By the lady!' ie, the Virgin Mary. It is blasphemy.

The C word is the other word we were talking about, Riaz, and I have NO idea what telly Emma has been watching!  Not the sort of telly I watch, anyway!  I hear it mostly between idiot men in pubs who have had a little too much and want to show off somewhat.


----------



## kgkev (Sep 18, 2008)

yes riaz. I've not really heard it on telly but I don't watch much telly.

I think I first heard it in the Film Snatch. (NO NO NO - Snatch as in grab)

I don't think Bloody is offensive - Although it is not a word I would allow my kids to say. I put it on the same lever as fart & ****. 

However I believe it is blasphemus (sp?l) Its short for By Our Mary - Similar to "Oh God"


----------



## Long Nose (Sep 18, 2008)

Patience said:


> Is the word ' bloody' more or less offensive in America? It isn't that bad here, at all. It just means 'By the lady!' ie, the Virgin Mary. It is blasphemy.
> 
> The C word is the other word we were talking about, Riaz, and I have NO idea what telly Emma has been watching!  Not the sort of telly I watch, anyway!  I hear it mostly between idiot men in pubs who have had a little too much and want to show off somewhat.



Blasphemy not offensive?  I think you're wrong on that.  I don't think you can categorically make that statement, do you believe you can?  

The C word is very offensive in the States.  Using it would surely provoke some unhappy altercations.


----------



## Patience (Sep 18, 2008)

Well, there's blasphemy, and there's blasphemy...


----------



## riaz (Sep 18, 2008)

kgkev said:


> I think I first heard it in the Film Snatch. (NO NO NO - Snatch as in grab)



Does the fact that you had to clarify imply that this is also a word of dubious genealogy?


----------



## Long Nose (Sep 18, 2008)

Patience said:


> Well, there's blasphemy, and there's blasphemy...



Granted.  So, Bloody really isn't blood, but a sort of slurred "by-the-lady."  I reckon this is a form of using the Virgin name in vain.  And akin to Judas Priest, but not as bad as using the Sons name.


----------



## RoryA (Sep 18, 2008)

Riaz,
Yes, it's yet another synonym!
I think Emma's been watching too much Midsomer Murders. That Bergerac bloke has always had a potty mouth...


----------



## Patience (Sep 18, 2008)

Yes, basically. But I actually think that most of the people that use it don't even know what it means. Not that that makes it OK, though.


----------



## kgkev (Sep 18, 2008)

riaz said:


> Does the fact that you had to clarify imply that this is also a word of dubious genealogy?


 
so many words all meaning the same thing - I wonder who thought them all up.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snatch

if you didn't know what bloody orginated from and just used it as a mild expletive then its not bad at all.


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 18, 2008)

Patience said:


> I have NO idea what telly Emma has been watching!



I was thinking late night comedy. But actually, I possibly come across it more on Mumsnet...


----------



## yytsunamiyy (Sep 18, 2008)

There you go, thinking that you are pretty fit when it comes to english - and then someone comes along with an explanation for why a word is mildly offensive...

...you live and learn!

I heard (and used) "bloody" a great many times when I was living in London, but never had the slightest idea I was blaspheming.

Someone care to analyse a "Bloody Mary" then?


----------



## justme (Sep 18, 2008)

dating can be fun...

Never thought I would hear my mom tell me not to worry if some guy asked if he could knock me up in the morning...

that was alot of years ago tho, don't know if it still means the same today


----------



## Long Nose (Sep 18, 2008)

yytsunamiyy said:


> There you go, thinking that you are pretty fit when it comes to english - and then someone comes along with an explanation for why a word is mildly offensive...
> 
> ...you live and learn!
> 
> ...



OK since no one has posted, I'll give a go.

Bloody Mary, I believe, was a Catholic queen who burned some 300+ Protestants at the stake.  I'm not sure how the drink became popular.  I prefer Caol Ila myself.

Here's a strange side note...

And speaking of burning people at the stake, Americans celebrated Guy Fawkes' Day for 170 years before George Washington discouraged the celebration.  Apparently, celebrations in Boston got way out of hand compared to the UK version.  It began to wane only when American Protestants started fighting the British protestants and replaced "Colony" with "State" with the help of French Catholics who probably wouldn't have been too keen on celebrating the fifth of November anyway.

Although it is not widespread we still have bonfire societies here celebrating each 11-5.


----------



## Greg Truby (Sep 18, 2008)

As for Fanny being a commonly used name, you've got to go back a ways. I didn't check every decade, but it did not show up in the top 1000 in the 50's, 70', or 2000's.

Emma, Bryony, please confirm that I have this correct: in the UK referrering to a gal's fanny would be nearly as vulger as referring to her _v = array(99,117,110,116,63):for i = 0 to 4: s = s & chr$(v(i)): next i : ? s_

Because in the U.S. it's quite innocuous. Google "fanny pack" and you'll get over a million hits. I would not think twice if one of my children were to say "fanny" in reference to someone's anatomy. Indeed a dog could bite a lad in the fanny just as well as a lass. Here I'd prefer they say "fanny" to "butt" or "as$".


----------



## Patience (Sep 19, 2008)

Er..... 



> Emma, Bryony, please confirm that I have this correct: in the UK referrering to a gal's fanny would be nearly as vulger as referring to her v = array(99,117,110,116,63):for i = 0 to 4: s = s & chr$(v(i)): next i : ? s



*tumbleweed*

Probably! It is vulgar rather than offensive, maybe.


----------



## kgkev (Sep 19, 2008)

In 1880 Minnie was a very popular name - 6th.

Now this has other meanings under the same subject as above.



> _v = array(99,117,110,116,63):for i = 0 to 4: s = s & chr$(v(i)): next i : ? s_




I was about to say the same thing lol


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 19, 2008)

Greg Truby said:


> Emma, Bryony, please confirm that I have this correct: in the UK referrering to a gal's fanny would be nearly as vulger as referring to her _v = array(99,117,110,116,63):for i = 0 to 4: s = s & chr$(v(i)): next i : ? s_



Wow! Way better euphemistic avoidance than c-word!

No. In some areas, although not all, fanny would be an acceptable way for a little girl to refer to her vulva - similar to willy for boys. For other people, it would be coarse, but without the offensive connotations


----------



## xlHammer (Sep 19, 2008)

I don't know, you put a thread down for five minutes to go away and do some real work and when you come back someone's written rudies all over it.


----------



## Greg Truby (Sep 19, 2008)

Patience said:


> *tumbleweed*


Ah, a chance to actually mention Excel? You can use the colon to separate commands on the same line of code. So you can copy and paste that into the Immediate Window in the VBE; hit <ENTER>and it runs as one line of code.

And thank you, Emma, for the clarification.


----------



## Patience (Sep 19, 2008)

Yeah - I figured it out after a while - I put it into a little message box and had a little giggle! Thank you for showing me yet another useful trick, though!


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 19, 2008)

I'm only just getting to grips with the immediate window, so it was good practice for me too! Thanks Greg!


----------



## Greg Truby (Sep 19, 2008)

Patience said:


> Thank you for showing me yet another useful trick, though!





cornflakegirl said:


> so it was good practice for me too! Thanks Greg!


Jeepers, now I'm wishing I would have come up with a witty example or something.

FWIW - if you're stepping through some complex procedure and you need to do something that involves a loop, knowing this can be quite useful. Let's say you're doing stepping through a procedure that does a lot of file I/O and you've just realized you may not have closed out all the handles properly. You can just pop into the immediate and type
	
	
	
	
	
	



```
for h = 1 to 512: close #h : next h
```
 or you're stepping through a procedure and want a quick list of all of the open workbooks and their visibilities
	
	
	
	
	
	



```
for each w in workbooks: print w.name, w.windows(1).visible : next w
```


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 19, 2008)

Greg Truby said:


> you've just realized you may not have closed out all the handles properly



:thick:
Could you run that one past me again, please?


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 19, 2008)

Could you please also explain what the Windows(1) bit is doing in w.windows(1).visible ?

I think you need it because visible isn't a property of a workbook? But I've just read the Help file on Window and I'm slightly more confused than when I started...


----------



## Greg Truby (Sep 19, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> :thick:
> Could you run that one past me again, please?


A lot of times, when dealing with datasets that come out of a mainframe or that you need to send to a mainframe or to terminal emulation software, you deal with old fashioned ASCII or EBCDIC files. A lot of times you'll work with those via "handles". Check out the VBA OPEN, CLOSE, FREEFILE, INPUT & PRINT commands.



cornflakegirl said:


> Could you please also explain what the Windows(1) bit is doing in w.windows(1).visible ?
> I think you need it because visible isn't a property of a workbook? But I've just read the Help file on Window and I'm slightly more confused than when I started...


Correct. Turn on the macro recorder and hide a workbook. You'll see that it is not the _workbook's_ visible property that gets set (for this isn't one); it's the _workbook's window property's_ visible property that gets set. (Seems a bit daft to me too, but there you have it.) There isn't a singe "window" property for a workbook, just as there isn't a single "workbook" property for Excel. It's a collection, so you need to provide an index. 

Great, now I've gone and taken all the fun outta this thread. Let's see if we can divert...

Tony Blair was on _The Daily Show_ with Jon Stewart last night. I don't know how it is in the UK, but here comedy shows that focus on political satire are fast becoming a leading source of political news in the US.


----------



## Long Nose (Sep 19, 2008)

Are Brits taking advantage of the weak US dollar by traveling here to see America?

Why, or why not?   Anyone ever take a bus ride from coast to coast?


----------



## Domski (Sep 20, 2008)

No plans to at the moment although the cheap dollar is tempting. Every time I start to look at going to the USA I end up going somewhere else but I will make it some day I'm sure.


----------



## kgkev (Sep 22, 2008)

I might be wrong but I would want to buy Dollars when they are as high as possible so I get more for my money.

For instance a souvenier in the US costs me $100.  

6 Months ago the exchange rate was about 2  so it would have cost me £50

Now its 1.83 the same souvenier will cost me £54.64

Now assuming I wanted to take $2000 spending money - thats almost £100 more expensive.

The benefit for the UK are people that export to the US.

If I sell my product in the UK for £100 in march I would have sold it for $200 now I can sell it for $183.00 and make the same money.


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 22, 2008)

Thanks for the windows explanation Greg. And for the handles one too - still don't understand, but now I know where to go looking if I ever need to work with mainframes!



Greg Truby said:


> Tony Blair was on _The Daily Show_ with Jon Stewart last night. I don't know how it is in the UK, but here comedy shows that focus on political satire are fast becoming a leading source of political news in the US.



Everything that I know about US politics, I learnt from The West Wing. Sometimes I forget that Jed Bartlet isn't actually the President...


----------



## riaz (Sep 22, 2008)

Hi kgkev

Its the terminology that is back to front, that's all.  Your theory is correct.  However, when you can buy more dollars for your pound, it's the dollar that is weak(er), hence low.  So, to get more dollars, you want the dollar to be low against the pound, or the pound to be high against the dollar.  Same difference.


----------



## kgkev (Sep 22, 2008)

Therefore its a bad time to go the US?


Anyway We can learn all we need to know about each other just by watching old 80's reruns & action movies.


----------



## kgkev (Sep 22, 2008)

> Everything that I know about US politics, I learnt from The West Wing. Sometimes I forget that Jed Bartlet isn't actually the President...


<!-- / message --><!-- sig -->

I have the same problem - they say Obama could be the first black president of the US.

Of course he can't that was President David Palmer (24)


----------



## riaz (Sep 22, 2008)

kgkev said:


> Therefore its a bad time to go the US?



Comparatively.  You should have gone three months ago.  Shucks, y'all missed your chance.


----------



## kgkev (Sep 22, 2008)

Ah but if you did go 3 months ago and you still have some $$$ left - now is the time to sell them back to the bank!!


----------



## riaz (Sep 22, 2008)

kgkev said:


> <!-- / message --><!-- sig -->
> 
> I have the same problem - they say Obama could be the first black president of the US.
> 
> Of course he can't that was President David Palmer (24)





Actually, I think Ms Palin will be the first woman president of the USA before Mr Obama will take that office.  All it would take is for Mr McCain to cash in his chips.


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 22, 2008)

Didn't that already happen in Commander in Chief?


----------



## riaz (Sep 22, 2008)

kgkev said:


> Ah but if you did go 3 months ago and you still have some $$$ left - now is the time to sell them back to the bank!!



Is there any bank left with enough money to buy back your $200?

I think it was quite prophetic when they made that Oscar winning movie "Brokebank mountain".


----------



## Long Nose (Sep 22, 2008)

Here are a several films that an American might recommend, at least they seemed to leave an impact on some Americans.

The breakfast club
October Skies 
Napoleon Dynamite 
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Pretty in Pink
Office Space
Rudy
Hoosiers
Juno
How the West was won
The Patriot
Witness
Footloose
American Graffiti


----------



## RichardS (Sep 22, 2008)

riaz said:


> ... All it would take is for Mr McCain to cash in his chips.





Ah McCain, you've done it again.

(It may be an Aussie thing)


----------



## kgkev (Sep 23, 2008)

reading a book last night the main characture had breakfast.

He had pancake & Syrup Which is normal but he also had bacon??

Did he have syrup on his bacon?  Cos it said he had so much syrup he had a job not to spill it?  Or did he have another plate with bacon on??


----------



## cornflakegirl (Sep 23, 2008)

Bacon and syrup is a thing. I don't get it either.


----------



## RoryA (Sep 23, 2008)

It's lovely. Had it for breakfast every day on honeymoon in Hawaii. Yum.


----------



## kgkev (Sep 23, 2008)

Smoked or unsmoked bacon?

Steaky or back bacon?

Would you have syrup on sausages as well?


----------



## riaz (Sep 23, 2008)

Sounds almost as good as sardines and condensed milk on toast! (Enid Blyton)


----------



## RoryA (Sep 23, 2008)

kgkev said:


> Smoked or unsmoked bacon?
> 
> Steaky or back bacon?
> 
> Would you have syrup on sausages as well?


 
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.


----------



## xlHammer (Sep 23, 2008)

riaz said:


> .... All it would take is for Mr McCain to cash in his chips.


 
Presumably they would be Oven Chips.


----------



## hatman (Sep 23, 2008)

Joe4 said:


> - If you hear a strange sound or think someone is in your house, it is better to split up investigate by yourself rather than stick together or call the police (the basis of about every horror movie)



Sounds like the cardinal rules of Dungeon Crawling:

1) Never Divide the party.
2) Never keep the party together.
3) Never open any closed doors.
4) Never close any open doors.
5) Never go up.
6) Never go down.
7) Never summon anything larger than your head.
8) Make sure you specify RAISE rather than RAZE, when reviving a deceased party member.
9) There is no limit to what can be stored in a standard backpack.
10 Even though it seems like you could create an infinite interdimensional space by doing so, never try to place a Heward's Handy Haversack into a Portable Hole.


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## hatman (Sep 23, 2008)

So having finally finished reading the ENTIRE thread, I see that my previous post is practically a non-sequitor.

Let's see what kinda trouble I can get into.  The rest of you figure out which tangents in the thread I am responding to:  

1) In the words of George Carlin: In a Disney cartoon, it's okay if Mickey says "I'm gonna snatch that *****, put it in a box and take it on the train."  All of the words that are considered vulgar or offensive are related to context and upbringing... so of course they vary by country.  You should meet my 3 year old daughter, who by the way will give you a frank and detailed anatomy lesson.  She has the same confusion in using the word "bummy" that the brits have in using the word "fanny".  In general, we try to use the correct anatomical terminology when talking about people's bodies in our house, but the grandparents still insist on the cutesy baby-talk words.

2) If good food starts to taste nasty when it goes bad, does Marmite (or Vegemite) start to taste good when it goes bad?

3) You mean that the Immediate Window has a use?  After 10 years of programming in VBA, I have never found an application for the Immediate window that I couldn't do faster in the main code window...

4) Gilda Radner: Let's Talk Dirty to the Animals 'nuff said

5) Gotta add Black Adder to the old british shows that are classics.

6) Hey, any Red Green fans out there?  As my wife and I were verbally sparring before we started dating, I changed my tag line to one of Red's quotes: "If the women don't find you handsome, at least they can find you handy."  To which, Kelley replied "What if a woman finds you handsome AND handy?"  That's how I ended up married with 2 kids.

7) So is the reason I find Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead so funny because of the British Humor included?  Or does the homor in the movie transcend the British plight?

8) After reading Rhinocerous by Eugene Ionesco back when I was in High School, I thought it might be interesting to look into the roots of BritCom, and see what link there may have been with Theatre of teh Absurd.  Then I realized that it was way overboard for a 9th grade book report, and moved on with life.  This thread has recalled a lot of those memories to my mind (hold on Mr Peabody).  Anyone have any thoughts along those lines?  Common roots?  Or did one grow out of the other?  I have a few thoughts, but I'm wondering about what others may have observed...


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## RoryA (Sep 23, 2008)

hatman said:


> 3) You mean that the Immediate Window has a use?  After 10 years of programming in VBA, I have never found an application for the Immediate window that I couldn't do faster in the main code window...



That may be the single weirdest thing I have heard this year (and it's been a strange year). I don't know *anyone* who spends any real time coding and doesn't have the Immediate Window open all the time. If I need to run one line of code, why would I bother writing a sub for it? And if I want to run some code while stepping through some other code, I can only do it with the IW. And finally (for now anyway!  ) have you seriously _never_ used a debug.print statement?


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## Weaver (Sep 23, 2008)

it's possible to write and debug code without 'debug.print'?

Things I learned about America from watching TV:

American CCTV cameras are ultra high resolution and the FBI/CIA/NCIS has software that can turn 1 grey pixel into a readable number (license) plate

You can only buy flip phones in America

It's possible to drive full tilt through a shopping mall and not run anyone over

You're more likely to kill someone with a 6 shot revolver than a 500 round per minute Uzi submachine gun (or bad guys don't do target practice)

Emerging dazed from a rolled car is likely to make a bad guy see the error of his ways

There's probably loads more, but it's late


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## hatman (Sep 23, 2008)

I always have the locals window open, which gives the current value of every single variable in the current procedure at any given time.  At a glance, I can see what all of my variables are doing, rather than serially using debug.print... and in the code window, you can always hover your cursor over any variable and get a tooltip style display of the current value for that variable.  I always found the Immediate window to be inferior for viewing the values of variables.  

In retrospect, while I was driving home, I did remember one use that I sometimes put the Immediate window to: calling a procedure with arguments, to debug to specific combinations of parameters... though even that is rare, since I prefer to let the rest of the code run, so I can see any broad scope interactions between various pieces of code in the full call-stack, rather than looking at individual procedures in non-usual scenarios.

Just my preference.


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## Greg Truby (Sep 24, 2008)

hatman said:


> I always have the locals window open,... and in the code window, you can always hover your cursor over any variable and get a tooltip style display of the current value for that variable.


 
Not saying I disagree with anything you've said Paul. But, like Rory, I tend to end up with the Immediate open at some point. Normally in my locals window there are always umpteen items and many are objects or classes and I don't want to have to hunt for the container and then drill down. And if you want to look at a non-default property, then in order to get the hover thing to work you'll need a copy of whatever you want to look at right there, so you may as well print it. So I end up setting watches on expressions or properties. The problem is that if I have to close and then come back, I have to set up the watches again. A debug.print is permanent between debugging sessions; plus it tends to bookmark for me where I was last bug huntin'. Not sayin' I don't use watches; I use 'em all the time. But not to the exclusion of debug.prints.

And one of the favorite things I ever learned from the movies (_Commando_) is that even the saddest, scrawniest hedge will protect you from machine gun fire if you're on the side of righteousness.


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## Andrew Fergus (Sep 24, 2008)

Greg Truby said:


> And one of the favorite things I ever learned from the movies (_Commando_) is that even the saddest, scrawniest hedge will protect you from machine gun fire if you're on the side of righteousness.


Yes - small hedges and furniture make great bullet protectors, especially sofas and round tables.


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## kgkev (Sep 25, 2008)

In the US you people most people leave there cars unlocked and if the key isn't in the ignition its in the sun visor.

Seriously would anyone really leave there car keys in the car?


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## Andrew Fergus (Sep 25, 2008)

Either the keys are in the sun visor or failing that, there are two wires located just under the dash (best found by simply reaching without looking) that, when connected, will start the car.  Either the last person who hot-wired the car conveniently installed a switch for the next guy, or someone has to have a serious talk with the car manufacturers!


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## Domski (Sep 25, 2008)

> And finally (for now anyway!  ) have you seriously _never_ used a debug.print statement?


 
I haven't before but I definitely will now. I guess that's the problem with dipping in and out of learning to code without really getting the basic foundations right in the first place. I'm so ashamed!!!


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## RoryA (Sep 25, 2008)

IMO, one of the first things anyone wanting to code should do is get to learn the VBE environment - breakpoints, code stepping, Immediate window, debug print/assert statements, watch and locals windows etc. Getting those down cold will save you innumerable hours of fannying about (technical term). Oh, and get MZ Tools installed!!


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## cornflakegirl (Sep 25, 2008)

Rory - where is a good place to learn about breakpoints etc? I know I don't make good use of them either.
(Can't believe you said fanny! :O)
Oh, and what is MZ Tools?
(I hope you've got your phone securely locked away in preparation for tonight  )


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## RoryA (Sep 25, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> Rory - where is a good place to learn about breakpoints etc? I know I don't make good use of them either.
> (Can't believe you said fanny! :O)
> Oh, and what is MZ Tools?
> (I hope you've got your phone securely locked away in preparation for tonight  )


 
There's not much to know about breakpoints other than that they are just that - points you set where the code will enter break mode. So if you know the first part of a routine works, you can set a breakpoint on the line immediately following that part, so the code will simply run through and then stop so you can step into the next bit.
MZ Tools is an add-in that adds lots of useful functionality to the VBEditor such as automated code commenting, control copying and so on.
Oh, and it was a lunch we were having, so you're far too late!


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## RoryA (Sep 25, 2008)

PS How's XP coming along?


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## Lewiy (Sep 25, 2008)

Long Nose said:


> Here are a several films that an American might recommend, at least they seemed to leave an impact on some Americans.
> 
> The breakfast club
> October Skies
> ...


 
Ah, Napolean Dynamite....now there's a great film....goshhhhhhh........


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## Jonmo1 (Sep 25, 2008)

> Ah, Napolean Dynamite....now there's a great film....goshhhhhhh........


 
At least Borat wasn't on the list...Can you believe that won an Oscar ??


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## Lewiy (Sep 26, 2008)

Perhaps you have to be English to appreciate Borat!  I loved it!


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## cornflakegirl (Sep 26, 2008)

rorya said:


> There's not much to know about breakpoints other than that they are just that - points you set where the code will enter break mode.



Yeah, I kind of know what breakpoints and the other stuff are. But I don't really use them very much - my debugging tends to take the form of a lot of message boxes. Which I'm pretty sure falls into the category of fannying about  I'm not very imaginative, so I think I probably need to be told the rules of how and when to use everything!

(Can't believe you were drinking at lunchtime!)

Not sure how XP is going yet - my husband was whinging about having to copy all my Hitchhiker audio files somewhere else before he could oojiy the thingamy...


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## riaz (Sep 26, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> Not sure how XP is going yet - my husband was whinging about having to copy all my Hitchhiker audio files somewhere else before he could oojiy the thingamy...



Oooh Emma, you just said the majik words.  I've been searching hi and lo for the original BBC H2G2 tapes.  I had them on cassette and the tape broke .  I'm still guarding the remnants in case I can find a tape surgeon some day.

Where did you get yours?


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## cornflakegirl (Sep 26, 2008)

I think I downloaded them from somewhere about 10 years ago. Sorry, not very helpful.


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## riaz (Sep 26, 2008)

Ah, well!  Back to pinning hopes on a tape surgeon


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## RoryA (Sep 26, 2008)

Debug.print is generally better than a messagebox - particularly in the middle of a loop! 
Tell him not to forget to lubricate the flanges.


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## RoryA (Sep 26, 2008)

riaz said:


> Ah, well! Back to pinning hopes on a tape surgeon


 
Audio CD and Audio Download available.


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## Richard Schollar (Sep 26, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> (Can't believe you were drinking at lunchtime!)



Note to self: Never, *NEVER* try and match Rory pint for pint at lunch time.  I wasn't any use to man nor beast when I got back to work yesterday. 

Oh, and I completely failed to match him anyway as he downed an extra pint over and above what I managed...


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## riaz (Sep 26, 2008)

Rory, you're a life saver.  I will have to investigate what all these phases mean, but at least I now know where to go.  My unwound tape dates back to when the first Radio 4 series came out way back in the late 70's (was it really that long ago? or has time passed a bit too quickly?).  That is the version I am looking for to start with.


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## RoryA (Sep 26, 2008)

Riaz,
You can get the tapes on Amazon too I think.


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## riaz (Sep 26, 2008)

Just for that, Rory, I will award you as many stars as you would want to wish on.  Never mind Richard casting aspidistras on your lunchtime liquidity.  If Lehman Brothers had that, they wouldn't be in this pickle now, would they?


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## RoryA (Sep 26, 2008)

I think it was nasturtiums he was casting. Next time we'll have a _proper_ session and not go back to work at all!


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## riaz (Sep 26, 2008)

rorya said:


> I think it was nasturtiums he was casting. Next time we'll have a _proper_ session and not go back to work at all!



Richard, are you going to take that lying down?

Cheers


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## cornflakegirl (Sep 26, 2008)

riaz said:


> Rory, you're a life saver.  I will have to investigate what all these phases mean, but at least I now know where to go.



Riaz - I'm pretty sure that the phases relate to the five books. IIRC, the first two were the only ones that were on the radio before they were books, so I'm guessing that the later ones are Radio 4 dramatisations of the books, rather than "original scripts", but I could be wrong.


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## riaz (Sep 26, 2008)

Thanks for that, Emma.  If that is the case, and having read the books time and again, I am not too sure I would like to have a dramatisation of all five books.  One and two were enough for me then.  I would certainly have a listen before I buy the other three.  Also, 30 years ago the technology wasn't there to jazz things up, so all the machinery was hand cranked and the special effects were special.  None of this digital razzmatazz you get nowadays.  I really enjoyed that.

I think last year BBC website was running H2G2 again, but I think it was the newer version, off Radio 4 again.  Unfortunately, I found out about it the day it went off line, and in any case it is not available to persona non grata like us expats. (Where is the sobbing emoticon when you need one?)

Isn't it amazing what you can learn on an Excel forum?  And whom do we credit for hijacking this thread?


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## cornflakegirl (Sep 26, 2008)

When I followed Rory's link to the BBC website, I could only see the three newer ones there. I have to agree that the later books didn't match up to the first two.

I think when a thread has been so thoroughly hijacked that someone apologises for responding to the original question, it may be a little late to apportion blame. Although it's probably Rory's fault


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## RoryA (Sep 26, 2008)




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## PaddyD (Sep 28, 2008)

"...so I'm guessing that the later ones are Radio 4 dramatisations of the books, rather than "original scripts"..."

Radio came before the books & (I'm trying to remember here) the original series had about 12 episodes up to the point where cavemen were shown to be surprising good at scrabble...if interested in the details about the how each episode (or 'fit') came together, best source is the book with the transcripts of the original series - each episode is introduced by Douglas Adams /Geoffrey Perkins (who produced it):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hitchhiker's_Guide_to_the_Galaxy


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## cornflakegirl (Sep 29, 2008)

Paddy - according to Wiki, there were "adaptations of the last three books to radio", which fits with what I thought.


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## Thorin (Sep 29, 2008)

I notice that a new Hitchhikers Guide book is planned !!

See http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7619828.stm for info.


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## cornflakegirl (Sep 29, 2008)

Hmmm... of the myriad times that this has been done before, has it ever actually been a good idea?


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## riaz (Sep 29, 2008)

Maybe not, but if Mrs Adams has sanctioned it, she must have a good reason...


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## Richard Schollar (Sep 29, 2008)

riaz said:


> Maybe not, but if Mrs Adams has sanctioned it, she must have a good reason...


 
She needs the cash?

Sorry, I'm being cynical again...


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## riaz (Sep 29, 2008)

RichardSchollar said:


> Sorry, I'm being cynical again...



You know the difference between a stoic and a cynic?
A stoic is wot brings the babies, a cynic is where you wash them.


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## Long Nose (Oct 1, 2008)

How about this one, in all American cities there is a strip club on every corner.  I'm going to say this is rubbish, but then again I've not yet been to Las Vagas.

I will say there's at least one Karaoke bar and one Sports bar in every city.  And on a totally unrelated note, I also believe there is at least one Chinese restaurant run by Chinese speaking "Engrish" in every American city.  Darn-it-all, now I'm getting hungry.


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## gingerafro (Oct 1, 2008)

If you are a cop/detective in the US and you are of a certain age, under no circumstances announce that you intend to retire as you will undoubtedly get paired with a young upstart/lunatic/loose cannon cop/detective in your final week and then get thrown into the most dangerous and challenging case of your life.


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## Richard Schollar (Oct 1, 2008)

riaz said:


> You know the difference between a stoic and a cynic?
> A stoic is wot brings the babies, a cynic is where you wash them.


 
I onlyjust saw this today - that is terrible Riaz


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## riaz (Oct 1, 2008)

RichardSchollar said:


> I onlyjust saw this today - that is terrible Riaz



You ain't seen nothing yet.  How about if we start a pun thread all on its own.  That way at least the groaners will come in knowing what is going to hit them.


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## Darren Bartrup (Oct 6, 2008)

I can't believe I just read the whole **** thing.  My boss is going to kill me 

As for marmite - it's the devils seed, unless it's on twiglets in which case it's ok.

And toilets!  Toilets don't exist in any household, place of work, spaceship unless there is a bomb placed under it set to go off when you stand up, or if it plays 'flight of the valkeries' when you hit the target.


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## riaz (Oct 6, 2008)

Delmar, you just ruined my taste for twiglets - the next best thing since sliced bread.  I love twiglets, I hate marmite.  Whaddamigonnadonow?

(Anyone ever wonder what was the best thing before sliced bread?)


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## Long Nose (Oct 6, 2008)

On the flip side of this post, it seems only in Britain could you have a family kitchen where the only refrigerator is the size of an under counter dishwasher.  I just can't imagine how this would work, unless you are single.


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## Oaktree (Oct 6, 2008)

riaz said:


> (Anyone ever wonder what was the best thing before sliced bread?)



Clearly, it must have been unsliced bread.


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## Darren Bartrup (Oct 6, 2008)

Oaktree said:


> Clearly, it must have been unsliced bread.



No, no, no!  It was clearly the sword.
Swords were used for slicing people, and when they ran out of people they attacked the bread thus inventing sliced bread which was the next best thing to sliced people.

So, umm, maybe the best thing before sliced bread was sliced people but the supermarkets obviously had problems with packaging and getting it on the shelves (lack of shelf-stackers as they'd all been sliced).

So the next question is what was the best thing before sliced people, or swords; depending on which argument you want to follow.  I don't believe it was whole people as nothing good ever came from that.

So, anyway.... is there going to be a CSI Balamory?

PS.... Sorry about the twiglets riaz.  Have you tried breadsticks dipped in vegimite?


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## Long Nose (Oct 6, 2008)

Delmar D'Percy said:


> No, no, no!  It was clearly the sword.
> Swords were used for slicing people, and when they ran out of people they attacked the bread thus inventing sliced bread which was the next best thing to sliced people.
> 
> So, umm, maybe the best thing before sliced bread was sliced people but the supermarkets obviously had problems with packaging and getting it on the shelves (lack of shelf-stackers as they'd all been sliced).
> ...



I reckon I might have chosen the long bow over the sword.  But the bigger question is whether your sword was in fact intended on slicing in the first place, or rather was it designed for impaling with a lucky one-two thrust motion?  Well, you didn't exactly say.  

Certainly, a samurai sword is designed for slicing, but was that common in the pre-sliced bread era?


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## Darren Bartrup (Oct 6, 2008)

Good point Long Nose.  

So from this we can deduce that sliced bread was invented in Japan while the rest of the world was still struggling with chunks of bread which, to be honest, is terrible for making sandwiches.  

Which in turn led to the rise of the pitta bread as this doesn't need to be sliced as such.  The pitta bread made the rapier blade defunct which led to it's evolution into the kebab sword (later to become the kebab stick when swords were outlawed in preference to the gun which was found very early on to be terrible at slicing bread).

Other types of sword such as the broadsword, falchion, longsword, etc were passed over by the peasants of the medieval world in preference of the mace, or club which was used to beat the bread into submission.  A method still used by the British police force as they are not allowed to use guns to slice their bread unless special training has been given.


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## Long Nose (Oct 6, 2008)

Delmar D'Percy said:


> Good point Long Nose.
> ..........Snip...
> Other types of sword such as the broadsword, falchion, longsword, etc were passed over by the peasants of the medieval world in preference of the mace, or club which was used to beat the bread into submission.  A method still used by the British police force as they are not allowed to use guns to slice their bread unless special training has been given.



Right!  Furthermore, without this British police clubbing bread method, we would never have Raisin Breads, spotted dicks, or fruit cakes.  Oh the fun you can have with a cup of raisins, a loaf of bread and a large hammering device.


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## riaz (Oct 7, 2008)

Delmar D'Percy said:


> PS.... Sorry about the twiglets riaz.  Have you tried breadsticks dipped in vegimite?



Marmite = 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





Vegimite = 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




(shamelessly plagiarised from PGC)


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