# Quote of the day.



## Oorang (Aug 23, 2006)

Reality used to be friend of mine... now it has a restraining order against me.


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## onlyadrafter (Aug 23, 2006)

INSULT OF THE DAY! (Not to anyone in particular)

Mother Nature must really hate you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes.

(I've got another 364 of these!)


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## Von Pookie (Aug 23, 2006)

How about this, then? The funniest thing I've seen so far today:



> WE'RE HERE, WE'RE ON FIRE, GET USED TO IT.
> BY ERIC MARCH
> 
> - - - -
> ...



http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2006/7/26march.html


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## just_jon (Aug 23, 2006)

Dope will get you through periods of no money better'n money'll get you through periods of no dope.


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## Cbrine (Aug 23, 2006)

Only 2 groups of people call thier customers users:  Drug dealers and IT support


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## Joe4 (Aug 23, 2006)

There are three kinds of people; those who can count and those who can't.


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## lenze (Aug 23, 2006)

> There are three kinds of people; those who can count and those who can't.


OR
There are only two kinds of people: Those that classify others into 2 groups, and those that don't

lenze


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## erik.van.geit (Aug 23, 2006)

would this sound funny in english ?

_must go to the toilet, but can hardly express this in public_

proudly: invented this one myself


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## Andrew Fergus (Aug 24, 2006)

Per my signature:

I'd rather have full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy!


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## Oorang (Aug 24, 2006)

And that's when I realized it. For all the sweating, screaming and general weirdness associated with wearing a furry space suit all day, I'd had fun.


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## Joe4 (Aug 24, 2006)

"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."

- Courtesy of Jack Handy


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## Marbles (Aug 24, 2006)

I used to believe in reincarnation till I came back as a sceptic.


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## erik.van.geit (Aug 24, 2006)

I used to believe in sticking to the topic, till I came back after Greg passed by.

(hoping he can laugh with this one)


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## fairwinds (Aug 24, 2006)

"Don't argue with Erik. He brings you down to his level, then beat you with experience."

(Hope YOU can laugh at this one. )


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## Greg Truby (Aug 24, 2006)

> I used to believe in sticking to the topic, till I came back after Greg passed by.
> -e.v.g.



Guilty as he11   And furthermore - unrepentant!  But to be fair, I do try to limit my detour-provoking posts to Lounge threads.  But  to try to stay on topic (*sigh* ) here's an old favorite that Smitty might recognize: "If you want to have a drink or two, that's all right -- but don't wear out your boot soles on a brass rail."

<hr /> 
'course one of my *all time favorites...*

"That's sad." - _Fairwinds_


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## lenze (Aug 24, 2006)

> 'course one of my all time favorites...
> 
> "That's sad." - Fairwinds



One of my favorites too. I actually used it the other day.


http://www.mrexcel.com/board2/viewtopic.php?p=1098517#1098517

lenze


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## Smitty (Aug 24, 2006)

"Cowboy who wears chaps don't get **** on jeans..."

A Confucious-style answer to a touron who was dumb enough to ask...

And Greg, that's what the cobbler is for. 

Smitty

EDIT:OK, I came up with one while looking for tonight's bedtime selection:

*"All Excellers are equal, but some Excellers are more equal than others."*

And yes, I will read "Animal Farm" to a 2-year old.


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## Oorang (Aug 30, 2006)

Even if you're on the right track, you'll still get run over if you just sit there. ~Will Rogers


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## Greg Truby (Aug 30, 2006)

Oh, Will Rogers, you say?! A few of his that I've always liked<ul>[*]The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.[*]This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.[*]There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole goverment working for you.[*]I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today.[*]Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.[*]Be thankful we're not getting all the goverment we're paying for.[/list]


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## riaz (Sep 1, 2006)

- My wife said she didn't mind my going on a trip with my secretary, so long as didn't fly United.

- If you cut off your trouser cuffs and throw them on the bookshelf, is that a turn up for the books?

- I saw a clown carrying a spinster on his back and thought "That's virgin on the ridiculous".

Cheers


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## SydneyGeek (Sep 3, 2006)

Seen on a T-shirt...
There are 10 kinds of people. 
Those who understand binary, and those who don't

Woody Allen...
"I never trusted air I couldn't see"

And from Groucho Marx...
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana

Denis


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## adam_neb (Sep 6, 2006)

Another from Groucho Marx... 

Outside a dog, a book is man's best friend...
Inside a dog it's too dark to read.


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## Von Pookie (Sep 6, 2006)

Oh, Groucho is a great source. Having just spent the past weekend mainly watching Marx Brothers movies, I feel the need to share:

*From Animal *******s:*
"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know."

"I got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. "

*From Duck Soup:*
(Rufus T. Firefly = Groucho)
Rufus T. Firefly: "Not that I care, but where is your husband?"
Mrs. Teasdale: "Why, he's dead."
Rufus T. Firefly: "I bet he's just using that as an excuse."
Mrs. Teasdale: "I was with him to the very end."
Rufus T. Firefly: "No wonder he passed away."
Mrs. Teasdale: "I held him in my arms and kissed him."
Rufus T. Firefly: "Oh, I see, then it was murder. Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first. "

"Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honour, which is probably more than she ever did." 

"Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you."

*From A Day at the Races:*
"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped." 

"She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me."


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## whiteghost (Sep 6, 2006)

"the question is: Is there intelligent life on Earth?
the answer was : Yes but I'm not staying"


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## SydneyGeek (Sep 6, 2006)

Kristy,   

Found this from Duck Soup:

Rufus T. Firefly: Take a letter. 
Bob Roland: Who to? 
Rufus T. Firefly: To my dentist. 
[Roland writes out the following] 
Rufus T. Firefly: Uh... Dear dentist, enclosed find check for $500, yours very truly. Send that off immediately. 
Bob Roland: I'll, um, I'll have to enclose a check first. 
Rufus T. Firefly: You do and I'll fire you. 

Denis


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## Von Pookie (Sep 6, 2006)

The best "take a letter" moment would have to be from Animal *******s, in my opinion. I think the sequence on the IMDB quotes page is a little out of order, so here's my attempt to put it straight:

[Spaulding has repeatedly told Jamison to take a letter to Spaulding's lawyers, but he has kept interrupting himself]
Capt. Spaulding: I say, take a letter to my lawyers!
Horatio Jamison: Well I am taking it!
[long pause, as nothing has yet been written]
Capt. Spaulding: Honorable Charles H., uh, Hungerdunger, care of Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, and McCormick... semicolon.
Horatio Jamison: How do you spell semicolon?
Capt. Spaulding: All right, make it a comma.
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: Honorable Charles. H. Hungerdunger, care of Hunger...
[rushes through the repetition]
Capt. Spaulding: ... and McCormick.
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: Gentlemen, question mark? [grunts]
Horatio Jamison: Do you want that, uh,[grunt] in the letter?
Capt. Spaulding: No, put that in an envelope.
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: Now then. In re yours of the fifth inst., yours to hand and beg to rep... brackets...
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: ... We have gone over the ground carefully, and we seem to believe, i.e., to wit, e.g., in lieu, that, uh, despite all our... precautionary measures which have been involved...
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: ... uh, we seem to believe that it is hardly necessary for us to proceed unless we, uh, receive an ipso facto that is not negligible at this moment, quotes, unquotes, and quotes...
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: ... uh, hoping this finds you, I beg to remain...
Horatio Jamison: [interrupting] Hoping this finds him where?
Capt. Spaulding: Well, let him worry about that. Don't be so inquisitive, Jamison.
[insultingly]
Capt. Spaulding: Sneak.
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: I say, hoping this finds you, I beg to remain, as of June 9th, cordially yours, regards. That's all, Jamison. 

Capt. Spaulding: Now read me the letter, Jamison.
Horatio Jamison: [reading] "Honorable Charles H. Hungadunga..."
Capt. Spaulding: [correcting him] Hungerdunger.
[they say the "hung" syllable in unison]
Capt. Spaulding: Hoong.
Horatio Jamison: Hungerdunger.
Capt. Spaulding: That's it, Hungerdunger.
Horatio Jamison: [continues reading] "... care of Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, and McCormick."
Capt. Spaulding: You've left out a Hungerdunger. You left out the main one, too. Thought you could slip one over on me, didn't you, eh?
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: All right, leave it out and put in a windshield wiper instead.
[Jamison nods and writes]
Capt. Spaulding: I tell you what you do, Jamison, I tell you what. Make it, uh, make it three windshield wipers and one Hungerdunger. They won't all be there when the letter arrives anyhow.
Horatio Jamison: [rushes quickly through what he's just written] "... Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger... and McCormick."
Capt. Spaulding: And McCormick.
Horatio Jamison: [reading] "Gentlemen, question mark."
Capt. Spaulding: [correcting him] Gentlemen, question mark? Put it on the penultimate, not on the diphthongic. You wanna brush up on your Greek, Jamison. Well, get a Greek and brush up on him.
Horatio Jamison: [reading] "In re yours of the fifth inst..."
Capt. Spaulding: I see.
Horatio Jamison: Now, uh... you said a lot of things here that I didn't think were important, so I just omitted them.
Mrs. Rittenhouse: Well!
Capt. Spaulding: Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.
[suddenly tries to hit Jamison with his switch, but misses; he falls]
Mrs. Rittenhouse: [helps Spaulding up] Oh, Captain! Good gracious! Oh, my.
Capt. Spaulding: [to Jamison] So, you just omitted them, eh? You just omitted the body of the letter, that's all. You've just left out the body of the letter, that's all. Yours is not to reason why, Jamison. You've left out the body of the letter.
[pause]
Capt. Spaulding: All right, send it that way and tell them the body will follow.
[swings his switch indignantly]
Horatio Jamison: Do you want the body in brackets?
Capt. Spaulding: No, it'll never get there in brackets. Put it in a box. Put it in a box and mark it, uh..."fragilly."
Horatio Jamison: Mark it what?
Capt. Spaulding: Mark it fragilly. F-R-A-G... Look it up, Jamison, it's in the dictionary. Look under "fragile." Look under the table if you don't find it there. 

[Jamison finishes reading the letter that Spaulding dictated to him]
Horatio Jamison: [reading] "Quotes, unquotes, and quotes."
Capt. Spaulding: That's three quotes?
Horatio Jamison: Yes, sir.
Capt. Spaulding: Add another quote and make it a gallon. How much is it a gallon, Jamison?
Horatio Jamison: Regards.
Capt. Spaulding: Regards. That's a fine letter, Jamison, that's an epic. That's dandy. Now, I want you to make two carbon copies of that letter and throw the original away. And when you get through with that, throw the carbon copies away. Just send a stamp, airmail, that's all. You may go, Jamison. I may go too.


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## SydneyGeek (Sep 8, 2006)

Where did they get that stuff?

Another great source of quotes was Winston Churchill. Here's a few:

We are all worms. But I believe that I am a glow-worm.

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home.

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

Although present on the occasion, I have no clear recollection of the events leading up to it.

Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.

However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Denis


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## hatman (Sep 8, 2006)

I have always been fond of Frank Herbert's Chapter Preludes (or whatever you call those quotes at the beginning of each chapter).

Case in point:



> "Quite naturally, holders of power wish to suppress wild research.
> Unrestricted questing after knowledge has a long history of  producing
> unwanted competition.  The powerful want a 'Safe Line of Investigations,'
> which will develope only those products and ideas that can be controlled,
> ...


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## Oorang (Sep 8, 2006)

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand. ---Josh Billings


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## whiteghost (Sep 10, 2006)

the ultimate quote has to be "if life is  card game....some bugger is cheating.."  but  I can't remember who said it!!!


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## Andrew Fergus (Sep 10, 2006)

"I have too much respect for the truth than to drag it out on every trifling occasion." - Mark Twain


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## Oorang (Sep 27, 2006)

"That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable."


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## hatman (Sep 27, 2006)

"It's hard to find true equillibrium, when lookin' at each other down the muzzle of a gun."  - Jethro Tull


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## Oorang (Oct 24, 2006)

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."
-Theodore Roosevelt


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## Smitty (Oct 24, 2006)

"Let go of my ears, I know what I'm doing!"

On a college t-shirt of my wife's (which I have yet to see).

Smitty


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## blondiechick (Oct 26, 2006)

"Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?"

-Reservoir Dogs


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## MarkAndrews (Oct 26, 2006)

"Dont store up your wind, thats where all the crappy ideas come from"


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## HalfAce (Oct 26, 2006)

I don’t think it’s right that only one company gets to make the game "Monopoly".


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## Von Pookie (Oct 26, 2006)

My mother-in-law got remarried last weekend. She asked my husband to walk her down the "aisle."

As my husband shook the guy's hand when they got to the "altar:" "She's your problem, now!"


(It was an entirely casual, two minute ceremony, so I didn't have to kill him, at least).


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## hatman (Oct 26, 2006)

I'm reminded of the T-Shirt worn by the father of the groom at a wedding I attended about 15 years ago.  

Image: big biker dude standing over the stove making some sort of last minute dish for the smorg.  Wearing a black T-Shirt, Harley Davidson logo on the back, pack of cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve.  He turns around, and on the front 

Well, let's just say that it was NOT appropriate... it was a Harley T-Shirt, you can imagine what it said   

it was an interesting wedding, to say the least...


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## blondiechick (Oct 27, 2006)

"One Nike gym bag, sixty bucks. One Nokia cell phone, hundred bucks. one ounce semtex, five hundred bucks. Getting rid of a dirty cop" 

-Running Scared


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## MarkAndrews (Oct 27, 2006)

I have so many, sadly most are unsuitable for this board


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## Crow_23 (Oct 28, 2006)

"Work is the curse of the drinking class" ~Oscar Wilde


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## Jon von der Heyden (Oct 31, 2006)

"Remember you're unique - *just like everybody else is*!"


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## DBA (Nov 7, 2006)

The moving finger writes; and, having writ, moves on: nor all thy piety nor wit shall lure it back to cancel half a line, nor all thy tears wash out a word of it, unless thy moving finger hits "Delete" before it but hits "Send"


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## Oorang (Nov 8, 2006)

:ROFL: Omar Khayyam is spinning in his grave right now.


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## TinaP (Nov 20, 2006)

Never eat prunes when you are famished.


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## hatman (Jan 15, 2007)

Life is a short warm moment,
And Death is a long cold rest.


Pink Floyd, from Piper at the Gates of Dawn.


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## Island Vince (Jan 17, 2007)

*Quote of the Day*

Quote from an Excel Guru;

In coding, I have never made a mistake. I thought I did once, but Iwas wrong.


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## whiteghost (Jan 20, 2007)

if life is a game, some bugger is cheating


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## Andrew Fergus (Jan 21, 2007)

"When you say you went to University, I presume you went to be studied by others."


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