# Favourite Jokes



## Expiry (Jul 8, 2009)

Like favourite songs, everyone's favourite joke changes through time, ie. when someone tells you one that really makes you laugh, it goes to the top of the list. 

I'm no different, but I have a favourite joke that has stayed with me since I was at school and if I'm ever put on the spot, then this is the joke I always remember and usually tell:


What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?

You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.



It even made me chuckle when I typed it just then.

So, what jokes do you have that have stood the test of time?


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## sous2817 (Jul 8, 2009)

What did zero (O) say to eight (8)? 

Nice belt.


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## RoryA (Jul 8, 2009)

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.


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## Patience (Jul 8, 2009)

I always liked:



What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.




Why did the man fall off his bike?

Because someone threw a fridge at him.




I'm here all week.


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## absquatulation (Jul 9, 2009)

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?



A stick.


I'll get my coat.....


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## Domski (Jul 9, 2009)

__________________________________________

My dog Minton ate a shuttlecock this morning.

Bad Minton!

__________________________________________

I crack myself up sometimes!!!

Dom


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## TinaP (Jul 9, 2009)

Why do gorillas have big noses?

Because they have big fingers.


All the other good jokes aren't particularly suitable for a family forum.


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## Andrew Fergus (Jul 9, 2009)

I like a lot of jokes but I prefer one-liners.......


I forgot how to throw a boomerang, but it's coming back to me now.

Did you hear corduroy pillows are making headlines?

In these recessionary times we need to maintain a standing army - that way we save on chairs.

Honk if you love peace and quiet!

Shotguns weddings : a case of wife or death.

I'm in two minds whether or not to speak at the schizophrenia conference.


I could keep going all day but for those of you who see my Facebook updates you have probably seen these jokes before!

Cheers
Andrew


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## Domski (Jul 9, 2009)

_content removed_

Sorry, it's late.

Dom


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## sous2817 (Jul 10, 2009)

What do parallel lines do when it rains?  


They coincide...


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## Nalani (Jul 10, 2009)

*More one liners:*

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.

If you think you're a person of some influence, try ordering sonebody else's dog around.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you in the mirror every morning.

Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

You know what they say about men with big feet? ...... Big shoes.


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## Oorang (Jul 10, 2009)

rofl @ Coincide

Why don't people tell jokes in octal? Because 7, 10, 11.

Five out four people don't understand fractions.

See also: this.


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## riaz (Jul 11, 2009)

Expiry's "bison/buffalo" joke reminds me of a similar one.

What is the difference between a stoic and a cynic?

A stoic is what brings the babies, a cynic is where you wash them.


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## Expiry (Jul 13, 2009)

Why did the fly fly? Because the spider spider.

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Why didn't the viper viper nose? Because the adder adder handkerchief.


Snake jokes are the best.


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## Oorang (Jul 13, 2009)

/me votes to ban Expiry


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## Expiry (Jul 14, 2009)

Oorang said:


> /me votes to ban Expiry



Even I would vote for that.


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## eblake (Jul 14, 2009)

Ok, ill try a couple...

A guy walks into a bar, says ouch!

2 Fish are in a tank, one says to the other, i'll drive, you man the guns.

Not great, but a couple of my fav's


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## TinaP (Jul 14, 2009)

Three nuns walk into a bar.

BAM BAM BAM


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## RichardS (Jul 15, 2009)

Nonsense one from my Uni mates kid brother:

What's the difference between a duck?


One of its legs is both the same.


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## MarkAndrews (Jul 15, 2009)

I have lots, sadly i cant post most of them due to the joke subjects....


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## Domski (Jul 15, 2009)

MarkAndrews said:


> I have lots, sadly i cant post most of them due to the joke subjects....


 
Why do you think mine on the first page now reads 'Content removed'!


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## Expiry (Jul 24, 2009)

I was taking about bakers, last night (as you do) and it reminded me of an old favourite joke.

Why did the baker have brown fingers?

Because he kneaded a poo.


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## sanrv1f (Jul 29, 2009)

here is my contribution,
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Man 1 : I got a BMW for my wife

Man 2 : Wow! great exchange


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Teacher : where do you find no-legged dog?

Student : Right where you left him

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Man 1 : how do you save a man from drowing?

Man 2 : take your foot off his head


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