# Ask a stupid question...



## Oorang

The rules are simple. Post a stupid answer to the last question. And ask your own stupid question.
I'll Start:

Why do birds disappear whenever you are near?


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## Legacy 1363

Probably because I fear, I admit to being a little queer.

Do birds break wind and if so, why do we never hear them?


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## milesUK

Only when they are flying; gives extra boost of speed.

We're having an emergency exercise soon. Why do the powers that be come up with silly names for them?


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## Oorang

In order to prevent panic.

If it's tourist season, does that mean it's ok to shoot them?


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## Cbrine

Only outside the bounds of provincial parks.

When downhill sking, is it OK to scream like a little girl?(When you are not a little girl)


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## atmospheric

Only when you break a leg.

What's the speed of dark?


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## whiteghost

must be faster than the speed of light as it always moves out the way of light

when a dog chases a car, what does it do when catches it?


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## Oorang

Calls a dentist.

Why does my boss keep expecting me to work?


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## Greg Truby

It's either you or him - I guess he votes you.

Since whales & dolphins are mammals, do they have bellybuttons?


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## Zack Barresse

If they did, we'd eat that too.

Why do monkey's throw poop?


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## Andrew Fergus

Because it beats sitting on it.

Who was the first person to look at a cow's udder and think 'I'm gonna squeeze that thing real hard and drink whatever comes out'?


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## Oorang

A person was immediatly one-upped by the guy who ate the first egg.

Why don't they make coffee fountains?


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## Greg Truby

Starbucks was gonna.  But after McD's lawsuit, couldn't get the idea approved by legal dept. for fear of someone falling in, getting bodyscalded and ending up owning the company.

Did anyone _ever_ find the peck of pickled peppers that Peter Piper picked?


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## whiteghost

Yes McD's did and they are still using the original peck

if some falls from a great height why do the scream all the way down. it only hurts when they stop falling


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## Andrew Fergus

They aren't screaming, it just sounds like screaming when falling from a great height with your mouth open.  The wind passing that fast over your vocal chords creates a sound that sounds very much like a scream.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?


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## Zack Barresse

A lot.

How far can an elephant tinkle?


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## tactps

Elephant's don't tinkle. Stars do.

Why do shops that are open 24 hours still have locks on the doors?


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## Andrew Fergus

The locks are there to keep the staff in (you should see the chains and shackles they have behind the counter).

Why does a sandwich always land jam side down when you drop it?


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## tactps

You're putting butter and jam on the worng side.

Why is the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?


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## Tazguy37

In case you don't know what it means.

Why do people say "make the same mistake *again*"?


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## erik.van.geit

They like to repeat twice the same again.

What's the difference between the two legs of a man?


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## Bruno_x

There is one on the left hand side and one on the right hand side.

Why is that thing that keeps you dry, called "a wetsuite"


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## milesUK

It keeps you warm (and wet) not dry!

What does a PC monitor actually monitor?


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## Oorang

The luckless attempts of the user to operate the coomputer. It's quitely laughing at you. 

Why is there braille on the keyboard of drive-up ATMS?


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## tactps

For blind drivers (and we've all seen plenty of those on the road!)

How can you turn an alarm off, after it has just gone off?


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## Striker475

*1# - clear memory.

Why does work bore me?


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## Oorang

Because you aren't creative enough to figure out how to entertain yourself by ameteur social experiments.


Why did all the periments quit anyway?


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## Andrew Fergus

It was bad for their health and they wanted to be ex-periments.

How many oil rigs are there in the North Sea?


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## Mr_Stability

Not nearly enough, the seagulls like to nest on them, and there are LOTS of gulls.

Have any of you ever met an honest politician?


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## Oorang

Yes but no one else can see him.

Where do I come from?


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## Felix Atagong

From an egg, that came from a chicken, that came from an egg, that came...

What is the secret message in PI (3.14...) ?


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## Oorang

pale hame deer cave mars self abe

But what does it mean?


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## just_jon

Why do you drive on the Parkway and park in a driveway?

If women had breasts on their back, would more men learn how to dance?

What would a chair look like if knees bent the other way?

Inquiring minds need answers.


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## Zack Barresse

1)  Because.

2)  No.

3)  Turn it around, see for yourself.


Q: If alien visitors to our planet are of a higher intelligence, why do they abduct the stupidest people?

Q:  If the opposite of "pro" is "con," does that make Congress the opposite of progress?

Q:  Is it possible to slam a revolving door?


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## Oaktree

1) They weren't stupid BEFORE they were abuducted. Hmm.

2) Yes

3) Only counterclockwise

How did "That sucks" and "That blows", though clearly antonyms, somehow become synonyms?


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## Crow_23

Ehhh i wouldnt necessarily say synonyms...all depends on personal preference!!!  

Q: Should Vegetarians eat animal *******s?

Q: Who gets to name the crayon colors anyway?

Q:  Do you find it a bit unnerving doctors call what they do practice?

Q:   If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?


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## tactps

1. No. Vegetarians are who we will eat when we run out of meat.
2. Mr Derwent.
3. They haven't got it right yet.
4. No, but if they carry it out unsuccessfully they get multiple charges - attempted murder, attempted suicide, plus it's just one more failure in their lives.

And one in poor taste:

Were JFK's final words "I need this parade like I need a hole in head?"


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## Oorang

They were "I should have gone to the theater."

Why do they have expiration dates on sour cream?


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## caringsharingbristolbilly

Expiration dates show the date at which the sour cream will give up its life of sailing the high seas, singing "yo ho ho and a bottle of rum", plundering dubloons and saying "yarrrrr me hearties".

Who put the "ram" in the ramalamadingdong?


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## WillR

Gareth Cheeseman

Where's my Jack Daniels ?


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## Oorang

The dog drank it and now it's out back making advances on the cat.

Why did the butler do it?


----------



## Tazguy37

'Cause the maid cheated on him.

Why do they call them "super"visors when most of the people working under them know more?


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## Andrew Fergus

It makes them feel good about themselves and helps them to forget what they had to do to get there.

What do you call a monkey who monkeys with another monkeys monkey?


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## erik.van.geit

A monk-no-more or no-more-monk !

What's the most easy way to get an Excel-gurus monkey up ?


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## Zack Barresse

Throw the poop back.

How do you know when a Smurf suffocates?


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## WillR

when they turn Green

If your vacuum cleaner really sucks, is it a bad thing?


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## atmospheric

Only if the Casualty Department is needed.

Are Fundamentals really Fun?


----------



## Oorang

They run the range from Fun ta Mental.

Why won't my bank let me make a cash deposit over the phone?


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## Mr_Stability

They could from a payphone, but the banks don't like handling all those quarters.

The boy stood on the burning deck, when all but he had fled.  WHY?


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## WillR

he would not go without his father's word

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?


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## al_b_cnu

tactps said:
			
		

> 4. No, but if they carry it out unsuccessfully they get multiple charges - attempted murder, attempted suicide, plus it's just one more failure in their lives.



Why do I get the feeling of Deja Vu?


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## Oorang

Not sure.

Why do I get the feeling of Deja Vu?


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## Felix Atagong

You're standing in front of the mirror.

Why don't I know what to ask for next?


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## Zack Barresse

Your imagination has abandoned you.

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?


----------



## Oorang

In case the doctor stabs himself.

Why do doctors look at me funny when I refer to the flu shot as a less than lethal injection?


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## Andrew Fergus

Because it is lethal when viewed from the perspective of the flu bug.

When driving around Australia, how much shorter is the trip if you travel anti-clockwise?


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## RichardS

About 20 miles (you're on the inside of the road).

What's the difference between a duck?


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## erik.van.geit

both legs are the same length, especially the left one !!

why did I write this question ?


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## Felix Atagong

The answer can be found in Cell 2B, or not 2B, can't remember actually.

What's Excel got do do with it?


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## Cbrine

Ask Tina Turner, she knows the answer.  Or maybe it's Ike?

How far is up?


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## atmospheric

Try a S*up*pository and find out.

Are we prepared for what we expect?


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## Andrew Fergus

Not if you're the ex-head of FEMA.

How far do we have to go before we get to where we want to be?


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## Oorang

As long as it takes to get back to me. 

But why was the message lost in the clouds?


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## itlsbu

fog

Am I just easily amused or is this tread realy funny?


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## Crow_23

In general you are easily amused  , but pertaining to this it really is funny 


Why do they tell us to get ON the plane when we should be getting IN it?


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## Oorang

They only tell that to the ones they want to keep.

Who is that "Seeing Eye Dogs Allowed" sign for?


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## Greg Truby

So literate, employed canines know where they can shop.

What is the basis for Oorang's curiosity with the blind?


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## Crow_23

Cause he's from Central Ohio maybe?  haha

Do blind people feel 'Love at first sight'?

Right back at ya Oorang


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## NBVC

Or is it 'Love at first feel' :wink: 

What's 2 and 2?


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## erik.van.geit

depends on who you ask

Why do pianos have black keys?


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## atmospheric

So they can unlock black holes

Why do they call it taking a dump? Where do you take it?


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## Crow_23

Definition: To discard or reject unceremoniously....even though i do know some who do it ceremoniously.



The ocean is salt water and icebergs are fresh water.  Icebergs are IN the oceaN.  SO HOW THE HELL DID THEY GET THERE!!!!!??????


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## NBVC

They floated there over time, get with it   

When is right wrong and wrong right?


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## Zack Barresse

When looked at from the other side of the coin.  Or if you are taking a left.


If it is -10° now and was 0° yesterday, and tomorrow is said to be twice as cold as yesterday, how cold would it get tomorrow?


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## Oorang

-20°

But how cold would it be if it was twice as cold tommorow as it was today?


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## Mr_Stability

If I remember basic Pysics.....  twice as cold = half the heat energy. 
So..... if today is 0 Celsius and tomorow is twice as cold

Absolute zero os about -273 C so half the heat of 0 c must be about -136.5c - a bit nippy.

How many beans make five?


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## Andrew Fergus

It depends - are you buying or selling?

Why does technology fail me only at the most crucial of times?


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## NBVC

That's what they call Murphy's Law, my friend.

Is there anything that goes up that doesn't come down?


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## Oorang

The price of gas.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?


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## tactps

Only if you read it to them.

Do they make braille soup for the blind (and could you arrange the marks to create a steamy novel)?


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## Greg Truby

They used to; and yes you could.  But then Mrs. Gladys Phillips, 74, of Byron, Nebraska burned her fingers trying to read a particularly salacious passage (for the third time); sued Cambell's; and they quit making it.

If you put *******s in your alphabet soup is it the functional equivilant of mumbling?


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## Mr_Stability

Only if they're Animal *******s (Remember the song?)

When do In and Out mean the same thing?


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## whiteghost

sex

why diid my wife provide that answer?


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## erik.van.geit

because you spent 4 days to find it to no avail

why didn't he find the answer himself ?


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## atmospheric

Lack of confidence

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?


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## Cbrine

You wouldn't want them getting away.

If you can lead a horse to water, why can't you make him drink?


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## PaddyD

Because you have previously sewn its lips together.

How do you tell when you've run out of invisible ink?


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## Cbrine

You start to see what you are writing.

I'm a liar, everything I say is a lie.  Am I lying or not?


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## NBVC

Only you know the answer to that.

Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?


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## Andrew Fergus

Why do I get the *same* feeling of deja vu *again*???


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## Oorang

It's the matrix readjusting itself.

Does the Matrix need better support?


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## NBVC

Perhaps.

How does someone find the time to read through this entire thread to find duplicate questions?


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## Crow_23

Cause we are at work    

If interstate highways are supposed to connect 2 states, why does Hawaii have one?


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## Oorang

Interstate is a bit of a misnomer. An interstate, I think, is technically any road paid for by the Federal Government. 

Why won't you just love me?


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## Crow_23

Cause u didnt provide a sufficiently stupid enough answer to my stupid question    

Interstate Highway:  a limited access superhighway (or expressway) constructed as part of a national system of such highways in order to provide for high-speed automobile travel between the states


If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?


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## Tazguy37

Either for freedom, or against it...it just depends which side _you're_ on.  Have people become *so* lazy that they must type "u" instead of "you"?


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## farnuckl

Ya, looks like *u* didn't get the memo.

Why are truly horrible, tasteless jokes still funny?

-farnuckl


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## Andrew Fergus

The answer is best explained with a joke :
I say, I say, I say, what is the secret of great......
Timing.
Sorry?
Timing.
Huh?
You know - what is the secret of great comedy? ... _Timing!_
Oh.  Is that funny?
It's more of a visual joke.

If it hurts so much when *u* knock it, why is it called a 'funny bone'?


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## macleanb

Because your supposed to tap it gently, not ram it onto a sharp object - then you get the required "humerous"

Can you please answer the questions in my sig....


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## milesUK

I don't know _Why do people say "It goes without saying" or "With the greatest of respect"_.(still in joke mode from a previous post)

How does Teflon stick to the pan?


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## macleanb

They use dried wheetabix - that'll stick anything. Have we done why do men have nipples yet?


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## Andrew Fergus

No we haven't - would you like to?

Exactly when will this end?


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## Oorang

It's the thread that never ends 
It just goes on and on my friends
Some people started typing it
Not knowing what it was
And they're gonna keep on typing it forever just because
It's the thread that never ends
It just goes on and on my friends...


How does Darth Vader Poop?


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## farnuckl

The force isn't just for choking people you know...

Why is it so hard for a lefty to get a break in the cruel, cruel world?


----------



## Oorang

It rains on the lefty and the righy.

What was the neatest thing _before _sliced bread?


----------



## Zack Barresse

Unsliced bread.

Men have nipples because they are mammals.

When is enough, enough?


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## Rank

Just before it's too much!

Why do I hate mondays?


----------



## Oorang

Years of brainwashing by Garfield.

My boss got mad when I liberated our VP's monitor from his "oppressive regime", does she hate freedom?


----------



## Oaktree

No, she just loves "oppressive regimes".

Did the first person to decide that "flammable" should be a colloquialism for "inflammable" and vice versa suffer a terrible misfortune?


----------



## Barrie Davidson

Yes, but Michael (that's Mr. Jackson) managed to pull through it!

Why does food that's bad for you taste so good?


----------



## Oorang

There is only so much taste pleasure a human is alloted in their lifetime. When it's gone you die. So of course things that are VERY tasty shorten your life.

Ala the commerical:

If a cat chokes to death swallowing a mouse, who killed who?


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## Andrew Fergus

That depends on whether the mouse was dead or alive before being swallowed.

Fact : yesterday the Australian explorer / entrepreneur **** Smith flew solo from Australia to Sydney in a single engine aeroplane (airplane for our US friends).  So on that note, a single engine aeroplane is flying from Australia to New Zealand at 120mph into a head wind of 30 mph for the first half of the journey.  For the second half of the journey, there is a 10mph northerly crosswind.  The plane departed from Sydney airport at 9am local time with a full load of fuel but ran out a mile from shore and coasted the rest of the way.  Consider also the aeroplane was flying against the direction of the earth's rotation.  What type of sandwiches did **** take on board with him?


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## XLGibbs

Because your body does not know the difference, we are trained to think that the food is bad..so your brain tricks you.

How come nothing in that Alanis Morrisette song "It's ironic" represents irony?
(which IS of course, ironic)


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## farnuckl

Maybe she meant "ironic" in the sense that it is composed mostly of or exhibits properties of iron...you know, like ionic, or moronic.

What's the best way to pass time at work, without really working?  (Besides surfing MrExcel.com boards!!)


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## mrhartley

pass some time by trying to roll a mouse ball round a cd without it falling off. (hold cd in palm of hand)

which is better! passing my chocolate to my wife who is on a diet or eating it myself who is also on a diet.


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## Andrew Fergus

Absolutely 100% give the chocolate to your wife.  That way you get brownie points that you can either spend or invest.

What is the answer to my question at the top of this page? (it was missed by the next poster)


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## Smitty

Bodalla & Tomato, because the lamb wouldn't fit (and they can't fly).

Why does my wife tell me that it's "our" money, but they're "your" bills?

Smitty


----------



## Mr_Stability

As my wife explained on our wedding night...

'What's yours is mine, what's mine's my own' don't even think of disputing it!


If something happened yonks ago, exactly how long is a yonk, and how many of them ago did it happen?


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## Oorang

If you type Convert 1 Yonk to days in google you will see the answer is "BF - Yonk"

As I was going to St Ives, I met a man with seven wives. Every wife had seven sacks, every sack had seven cats, and every cat had seven kittens. Kittens, cats, sacks, and wives, how many were going to St Ives?


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## Oaktree

None.  If you were going to St Ives and met them, they were coming from St Ives.  

Why is it so dark outside?


----------



## Barrie Davidson

It's just you - take your sunglasses off  

Why do women find me so darn attractive?


----------



## Smitty

Because it's Chicago in the middle of winter.  Duh.

Why do slow drivers insist on driving in the "fast" lane?


----------



## XLGibbs

Because everyone who drives slower is an idiot, and anyone driving faster is a Moron...they think they are driving "just right"

Why is it that if "looking something up" rarely involves looking, and never involves "looking up" ...for that matter how come "up" is the most versatile (non - profane  )word in the english language..


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## gingerafro

The phrase 'looking something up' was actually made up, and represents something that is impossible to do for precisely your reasons.  Thats why when you say to someone 'look me up if you're in town', they never do.

What is the average number of posts, from people playing this game so far and should I be playing this game if (as I suspect) I am below average?


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## Zack Barresse

No.

Are you _absolutely *sure*_ there is no such thing as a dumb question??


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## gingerafro

ALL questions are dumb, due to their inability to speak.


So if a question is always dumb, can it ever be 'quick'.


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## Greg Truby

> Are you _absolutely *sure*_ there is no such thing as a dumb question??


A: No.  To the contrary, I am _absolutely *sure*_ there *IS* such a thing and I can give you a perfect example:  you are in hot water with the Mrs. and you have _absolutely_ no idea why.  You can thing of *nothing* you've done wrong (in the last 48 hours).  So you ask "What? Is it that time of the month again?"  *That,* gentlemen, has got to rank in the top 3 single _stupidest_ questions you can ever possibly utter.

Q: Do the Chinese have crossword puzzles?


----------



## Oorang

Sure they're just a little less cross and more polite and respectful.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean the 5th person enjoys it?


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## XLGibbs

No, it means they are in the bathroom when the poll was taken.   



> "What? Is it that time of the month again?" That, gentlemen, has got to rank in the top 3 single stupidest questions you can ever possibly utter.



possibly, but I think it is this one...

"Can I ask you a question?"
which I usually reply with :
"Yes, would you like to ask another?"  
now, people just say 
"Can I ask you two questions?"


anyways, 

We know that post count does not matter, but shouldn't it matter if the post counts?


----------



## Leonard of Quirm

No, because The Count doesn't post.



Why do sausages come in packs of 8 when buns come in packs of 6?


----------



## The Count.

Its a conspiracy to make you do math to see if it's worth buying enough of each to equal out!  Ah, Ah, Ah.
It's also good for teaching beginning algebra...

What happened to Sesame Street, it used to be so cool, now it's weak...

-The Count

"One, One post.  Ah, Ah, Ah..."


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## Zack Barresse

Count!  It's so great to see you!!!



> What happened to Sesame Street, it used to be so cool, now it's weak...


You should have had a whole show to your own, but those damned Bert and Ernie fellers done screwed it up for everyone.

Q: I got nothing.  Just wanted to say Hi to the Count.


----------



## Oorang

Sesame street is like the Grateful Dead, or Teletubbies. The less under the influence you are, the less you will enjoy it.

Why do people in the same breath complain that the government never listens to them, but then complain about the NSA wire tapping US citizens?


----------



## Rank

Because the NSA deny that they are listening!

Am I to old to get drunk one night and then go to work the next morning?


----------



## Scott Huish

The Magic 8-ball says Maybe.

What do vegetarian cannibals eat?


----------



## erik.van.geit

carnivorous plants

Why are some peppers hot and others not ?


----------



## XLGibbs

Why are some peppers hot and others not ?

--because some of them were just born ugly,others got an extreme makeover.


How does a thermous know when to keep stuff cold and when to keep stuff warm.?


----------



## Crow_23

"All the thermos is doing is limiting heat transfer through the walls of the thermos. That lets the fluid inside the thermos keep its temperature nearly constant for a long period of time (whether the temperature is hot or cold). "  It's just a vacum.  ~from howstuffworks.com    


If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?


----------



## Crizznitch

Naw, he is just suffering from discombobul-asian.

How can you half-expect something?


----------



## Oorang

Well it's not quite expectation, more like a sort of suspicion. 

Why shouldn't you squat with your spurs on?


----------



## Greg Truby

Same reason ya don't tinkle on an electric fence.  But not to worry, both are the sort of mistakes greenhorns only make once.

Can elephants catch colds?


----------



## BigRed42

elephants can't catch anything cause they don't have any hands.

why do they call them apartments when they are so close together?


----------



## Rank

They used to be appart, but now, they're reunited because they all love eatch other!

Why do we call a dog a "dog"?


----------



## Oorang

Because it was hard not to make a rude sound whilst trying to prounce docga.


Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?


----------



## asgourlay

Yes but it does not cover; Acts of Man, Acts of Nature, Acts of Governments, Acts of stupidity.  

What do you call a group of VBA Programmers?   

R


----------



## Oorang

A nerd of programmers.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
stops. What should I be doing at my work station?


----------



## BigRed42

taking a nap


for pete's sake, for the love of mike, who are these people?


----------



## Rank

I don't know!

Is that answer's stupid enough for this thread?


----------



## asgourlay

Only if you were wearing your clown costume when typing it.

How many VBA Programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

R


----------



## BigRed42

this has not yet been decided:
http://www.mrexcel.com/board2/viewtopic.php?t=189444


what the heck?


----------



## Oorang

More importantly WHEN the heck?


----------



## Rank

Yesterday!

So what?


----------



## Cbrine

No, I took a taxi.

(And yes I realize this makes no sense what so ever, but use it anytime someone asks you a stupid question, the responses are always enjoyable)

How far is down?


----------



## Oorang

All the way.

Which way is up in space?


----------



## Rank

You just have to find the way down and then, turn around and go straight up!

Why asking?


----------



## InTurn123

*re*

Because I need to know.

I'm 20. Why does it seem like my parents still don’t want me to date?


----------



## XLGibbs

Because you still live in their basement?


----------



## InTurn123

Dangit, that could be a good reason. 

Why can't I come up with a question to write here that has nothing to do with the question I just asked?


----------



## Oorang

ADD
Why do I have to pay the IRS?


----------



## just_jon

> ADD
> Why do I have to pay the IRS?



Because you got tired of flushing money down the toilet.

If a man and a half can dig a ditch in a day and a half, how many blondes would it take to fill it back up?


----------



## JamieDuncan

Depends on the type of blonde, strawberry or ash.


If you were a tree, what would you be made from?


----------



## hatman

Sawdust.

If tin whistles are made of tin, what do they make FOGHORNS out of?


----------



## Kriptik

*Q&A*

Answer: Fog but I may have mist the point

Question: What do occasional tables do when they are not being tables?


----------



## JamieDuncan

A:
They cease to exist in this dimension momentarily for less than fractions of a second, but repeatedly do this every fraction of a second so that the table can exist functionally in many dimensions at once. This is so the megaconglomerate IGMDTTCo (InterGalactic-MultiDimensional Table Traders Company) can sell a single table an infinite amount of times thus creating a markup of infinite percentage.

Apparently   

Q:
Did anyone see which way my sanity went?


----------



## hatman

That way <->

Does your chewing gum lose it's flavor on the bed-post overnight?


----------



## Oorang

Nope it still knows right where it's at.

Does anyone thing you can fight terrorism with facial hair?


----------



## hatman

I prefer to use a gun... facial hair really isn't very effective as a weapon.

Why'd they change the name from Constantinople to Istanbul?  Or for that matter from New Amsterdam to New York?


----------



## Oorang

That's nobody's business but the Turks.

What are Triangle Man's powers anyway?


----------



## Oaktree

Triangle man's powers are to hate Person Man and win fights against him.

Am I the only other person who gets these TMBG references?


----------



## hatman

No, I do too, you just got there first.

So if we walk, will we ever get there?


----------



## onlyadrafter

If there is enough time.

Who chose the colours of street markings?


----------



## Bruno_x

the street-markings-choser

An hour is more important/significant then a minute, so why is the hour-pointer on a clock shorter then the minute-pointer ?


----------



## Airfix9

Because the second hand is the third hand!

Why is "Abbreviation" such a long word?


----------



## hatman

So it doesn't get lost as easily as abbreviations do.

Is it paranoia when they are REALLY out to get you?


----------



## Todd Bardoni

"No", say the voices in my head.

When will it be my turn?


----------



## hatman

At the end of the tour
When the road disappears
If there's any more people around
When the tour runs aground
And if you're still around
Then You'll Get Your Turn at the end of the tour
The engagements are booked through the end of the world
So You'll Get Your Turn at the end of the tour

How does one make the "Sign of a Teaspoon?"


----------



## Todd Bardoni

Like this.

How come my girlfriend never shuts up?


----------



## rettingr

She has nothing to say.

How come computers will never be as smart as humans?


----------



## hatman

Because they spend too much time Turing, and not enough studying.

Why was I too blind to see that a barrel full of building bricks is heavier than me?


----------



## Oaktree

Because your MASSIVE EYEPATCH was hindering your vision.

When someone says "turn up the A/C" does that mean make it colder (i.e. make the cooling effect greater) or make it warmer (i.e. turn the nob so the temperature goes up)?


----------



## Bruno_x

Code:
__


If temperature = warm then
   temperature = cooler
else
   temperature = warmer
endif

or simply :

temperature = not(temperature)


Where comes the word "pineapple" from ? because there's no pine and no apple in a pineapple...


----------



## itlsbu

because it doesn't fall very far from the tree

why do we write in english?


----------



## Bruno_x

Als we in 't "vloms" schrijven, dan verstaat 99,5% ons hier niet...

How long will this topic go on ?


----------



## onlyadrafter

till there is no question?

why is the work BIG so small?


----------



## Oorang

Because when you are big you don't need to make a big show about it.

Why did that sound so wrong?


----------



## hatman

Becaus eyour mind is in th egutter wher eit belongs.

Why is it that whenever I submit a post on this board, all of my E's end up stuck to th enext word rather the end of the word wher eit belongs??


----------



## Todd Bardoni

Sticky keys.

What does "Turing" mean?


----------



## riaz

It's two thirds of a three ring.

Why are some things pretty ugly?


----------



## Oorang

Because beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.
The cheese is old and moldy. Where is the bathroom?


----------



## Smitty

Who needs a bathroom when you're a dog and can speak Spanish...

What ever happened to Chuck the Wonder Dog?


----------



## Andrew Fergus

He's out back making an indecent proposal to the cat....

If "hair restorer with permanent wave" is the answer, what was the question?


----------



## Lewiy

What do you give the bald man who has everything?....

How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?


----------



## Greg Truby

Any number of roads will do as long as, while walking them, he steadfastly refuses to stop and ask for directions if accompanied by a wife who insists that he do so.

Is it true that consuming excessive amounts of blueberries causes one to have a predilection for odd hats?


----------



## daniels012

Indeed!  Ask the Hatman



Why do you drive on the parkway... yet you park on the driveway??

Michael


----------



## ExcelChampion

You're supposed to drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?  I wish someone told me that yesterday.

What about Bob?


----------



## Lewiy

Bob parked on the parkway and got arrested.

Why does it hurt so muh?


----------



## daniels012

If it didn't you would have spelled much properly!


 :wink: What is this world coming to?


----------



## Oorang

A place near you!

What are the odds your last name would be Excel, than a software company would produce a spreadsheet and name it that, and then you become really good with that piece of software?


----------



## daniels012

1,256,254,857,102,256 to 1


Why do words have "gh" in them?


----------



## NumbersMax

To slow your typing speed!

Why does a partygoer describe a night they can't remember, ending in a hangover as a good time?


----------



## hatman

Ahh, sweet oblivion.

Why do people insist on picking blueberries in 95 degree weather without a hat?


----------



## Oorang

Because they want to show off their hair. Long beautiful hair, Shining, gleaming, Streaming, flaxen, waxen hair.

Where do snozzberries grow?


----------



## Lewiy

In Oompa Land

Why does all the bad food taste better?


----------



## hatman

It had something to do with fnords... 

When Vegemite goes bad, does it start to taste good?


----------



## Marbles

It depends on if bacteria have taste buds.

If we're all part of the Big Bang, can you go backwards in an explosion?


----------



## Lewiy

Only if the explosion’s in front of you.

Why can’t the chicken just use the underpass like everyone else?


----------



## NumbersMax

because "everyone else" clogged it up.

Are Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben related?


----------



## Andrew Fergus

They are to me!

Which Neanderthal man was smarter - the one who invented the first wheel or the one invented the second wheel?


----------



## daniels012

Merv Griffin (creator of the "Wheel of Fortune")



Why is Blue... blue?


----------



## TinaP

Because his Prozac perscription ran out.

Why can you never find the duct tape when you need it?


----------



## daniels012

Here, I got it!







Does a blind man dream in color?


----------



## chicagodiceman

Only if the lights are on in the dream.

How High The Moon on Green Dolphin Street?


----------



## daniels012

The green dolphin street jazzitup club say the moon is as high as you make!



Do turtles sweat?


----------



## Andrew Fergus

Only when wearing turtleneck sweaters.

How will we know where we are when we get there?


----------



## chicagodiceman

Wherever you go there you are.

does anybody really know what time it is?


----------



## daniels012

I doubt it!  My sundial does NOT work at night!


Who let the dogs out?


----------



## Oorang

Julius Caesar

Do you suppose the green fairy hangs out with the machine elves?


----------



## daniels012

Not since Lucky Charms added Green Marshmellows



Why do they use the term "Log On" ?  There really is no log at at all!


----------



## Lewiy

Because back in the early days they used sticks to whack out binary code on tree trunks.

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?


----------



## TinaP

I don't believe it does.  It must have gotten scrambled in the translation.

When a woman wears a girdle, where does the fat go?


----------



## daniels012

It's all done with mirrors.  It really is still there, they just trick you.


Why are shorts... shorts and pants are longs?


----------



## Lewiy

Because why would you call pants "shorts"?

Why are there never enough hours in the day?


----------



## daniels012

Because time is never ending.



How many light bulbs does a chicken take to screw in the road?


----------



## chicagodiceman

None.  Chickens like to screw in the dark.

Why is the sky blue?


----------



## Oorang

http://www.sciencemadesimple.com/sky_blue.html

Why did they kick off the hottie instead of Lacey?


----------



## daniels012

They could never spell "Chagney" correctly. (Cagny?  Caghney?)


They say a child is born every 7 minutes of a day.  Does anyone know who this woman is and can we stop her!!


----------



## pawebb

My mom. She is trying to get in the Guinness Book Of World Records. 

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?


----------



## gbradley

Yes, unless they have a frog in their throat.

What would happen if they held a NASCAR race on opening day of Deer Season?


----------



## Marbles

You would have to be in separate lanes.

How old is yesterday?  If you wern't dreaming.


----------



## daniels012

I can answer this one with an excel formula!
=IF(TODAY(A1)<>"DREAMING",A1-WORKDAY(A1),A1-WEEKDAY(A1)



What is up?


----------



## bruty

Whatever isn't down

How did I find this topic?


----------



## shades

Careful slouthing, when you *should* have been busy at work. 


Why does black look blue except when it is red?


----------



## Oorang

Bursting capillaries

Are wombats edible?


----------



## daniels012

As long as you fry them.  Anything fried is good to eat and bad for you.


What is the difference between love and hate?


----------



## Lewiy

There is no difference, they always come together.

What will they think of next?


----------



## pawebb

What they didn't think of first.


Why are highways build so close to the ground?


----------



## Jonmo1

So you won't have a Virtigo Attack while driving.

Why do you drive on a parkway, but park in the driveway?


----------



## daniels012

If your in Los Angeles you actually do park on a parkway and if your a kid the only place your mom lets you drive is on the driveway.


If you saw a turtle without it's shell... What would it look like and how would you know it was a turtle?


----------



## Jonmo1

Originally posted by Gates is Antichrist (post deleted on request~VP): 





> If you were driving at the speed of light and turned on your headlights, would anything happen?


 

You'd crash and burn because there's no road that is long and straight enough for you to drive that fast on.

Why did they choose the word "Terminal" to describe the place where you get on an Airplane?


----------



## daniels012

Originally posted by Gates is Antichrist (post deleted on request~VP): 





> When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?


 

It has to specify the actual type.  Examples would be:
Brie, Cheddar, Bleu du Vercors , Achuza, Maredsous, Leipäjuusto, Monterey Jack

I know it's more difficult but pictures turn out great!

Why do we have everything in two's?  Example, hands, feet, eyes, etc.
(There are lots of times I could have used 4's)


----------



## dbrown

Because they were all created with Binary Coding (1's and 0's)

Why do we hate Rats?


----------



## daniels012

Because Rats backwards is "Star" and everyone hates a _Star_!



Why do we say "Clean up"?  Are we really cleaning........ UP?

Michael


----------



## Mark O'Brien

Because things got messed up.  Things must then get cleaned up.  If we messed down and cleaned up at the same rate (or cleaned down and messed up), then neither task could ever be completed.

Why isn't Norie a MrExcel MVP?


----------



## daniels012

Norie is on waivers right now, working out a contract deal. 



Why is it, that sentence fragments?


----------



## Lewiy

Because that sentance is grammatically incorrect!

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?


----------



## daniels012

The same reason whatever you eat... afterward when you extract it's brown.


Why does one "catch a cold"?  Who is throwing it?


----------



## leonnccbm

*why is aberevated such a long word*

why is aberevated such a long word when it means to shorten ?


----------



## daniels012

NKTA!


                                                               (nobody knows the answer!)





why is it when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible?


Michael


----------



## brian.wethington

2 different meanings of out!


How did little Johnny get in here?


----------



## daniels012

Because Big Johnny couldn't fit!



If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?



Michael


----------



## Scott Huish

Ummm...... the 2nd one.

What did people avoid things like before the plague?


----------



## Andrew Fergus

Reptiles with teeth, 3-legged horses, black cats, bandidos wearing hats and masks, most crawling insects, back-alleys on Thursday evenings and orange frogs...........but mostly orange frogs, especially on Tuesdays.

If the phrase : "Dog and 'and' and 'and' and bone" is the answer, then where is this pub with insufficient spaces in the name?


----------



## daniels012

At Wlamart... Aisle 7



Can you tell Time I said hello?


----------



## Jonmo1

Sure, Time replied "Your time is running out."


If the Universe was created by a "Big Bang", what created the 2 things that collided with each other to make the "Big Bang" ?


----------



## daniels012

Not sure but I am sure the Geco at Gieco did the insurance claim on that 'Big bang"... as much money as they spend on advertising.......



Do you ever have to change the water in a gravitational pool?


----------



## Domski

That's nice but I'm physically so incredibly dense that I reflect neutrinos. This has no effect on my life, but physicists are in an uproar!!!


----------



## daniels012

And your question is?


----------



## Oorang

The answer _is_ the question.

Why did I resurrect this after all this time?


----------



## Stormseed

> Why did I resurrect this after all this time?


Not particularly I know the answer to your above question but I guess you hibernated enough and wanted the world re-identify your presence  (I guess my answer is stupid enough to make it sound stupid !)

Well, following are the 10 most stupid questions ever to be asked during obvious situations...... but .... now I have prepared answers for each one of them:

1. At the movies:

When you meet acquaintances/friends...

Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus:

A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...

Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't u try again ?

3. At a funeral:

One of the teary-eyed people ask..

Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people ?
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you ?

4. At a restaurant:

When you ask the waiter... 

Stupid Question:- Is the "Butter Curry" good ??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together When some distant aunt meets you after years..

Stupid Question :-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big !
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself 

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...

Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good ? 
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating insensitive lout...it's just the money !

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...

Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping, you dumb witted moron !!!!

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...

Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...

Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts? 
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks...

Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:- OhMyGosh, it's a miracle ............it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!


----------



## yashsrawat

because they monkey....

As per te history, monkey were the cause of spreading AIDS, is it true?


----------



## riaz

It's not the monkey that spread Aids, it's the monkeying around.

If you are on a deserted island alone and no woman can hear you, is what you say _still wrong?_


----------



## cornflakegirl

riaz said:


> If you are on a deserted island alone and no woman can hear you, is what you say _still_ wrong?



That joke doesn't become funny just because you keep telling it!


----------



## Stormseed

> It's not the monkey that spread Aids, it's the monkeying around



Experience speaks


----------



## riaz

cornflakegirl said:


> That joke doesn't become funny just because you keep telling it!



The criteria is stupid, not funny.  Apologies if I have offended.


----------



## Greg Truby

riaz said:


> If you are on a deserted island alone and no woman can hear you, is what you say _still_ wrong?


 
The correctness may be subjective. However, we can see that the level of humour found in the wit<sup>1</sup> would obviously still be nil. 

While we have a Mr. Excel. Why isn't there any Miss Access? (Or perhaps there are many.) Or indeed, why isn't there a Mrs. Word? (or would such a name be redundant?)

<hr />
1. Prefix "wit" with "half" or "nit" if it suits you.


----------



## yashsrawat

as they all belong to one family... so may be thre few mr or miss, now the family head let us know who is me or miss.

who is best amoung them Guy,Gal or Gay ?


----------



## Stormseed

Hi Yash, 

Not to your offence, but do you have any idea, what you are talking about ? It is always better to keep the mouth closed whenever you do not realize or understand the happening around you.


----------



## yashsrawat

Well Nimit,it was just stupid question... that it?dont take it as personal.
sorry incase i hurt anyone.
and my first line was reply of "Gerg question".


----------



## Qldguy30au

I dont think you had a question, so ill start it back up again..

Why is it when you buy a cheeseburger and ask for extra pickles, they charge you for them, but when you ask they be taken off, they dont drop th price?


----------



## riaz

Qldguy30au said:


> Why is it when you buy a cheeseburger and ask for extra pickles, they charge you for them, but when you ask they be taken off, they dont drop th price?



(That is actually a very good, not a stupid question)

Because the labour involved in taking the pickles off has been "out-sauced".

If I went to the library and asked the whereabouts of the self-help section, would I be defeating myself before I start?


----------



## cornflakegirl

:groan:


----------



## Oorang

riaz said:


> If I went to the library and asked the whereabouts of the self-help section, would I be defeating myself before I start?


Yes, but on the other hand if you defeated yourself you would have claimed a mighty victory. 

(Asked the other day) "So if today is your daughter's birthday... Does that mean it's your labor day?"

(I know, I know... questionable taste.)


----------



## 1740red

No. it's your birth day!


Do blind people see their dreams?


----------



## Expiry

1740red said:


> No. it's your birth day!
> 
> 
> Do blind people see their dreams?



No. They dream of seeing.



When the man who invented the drawing board failed at his first attempt, what did he go back to?


----------



## 1740red

Bed.

Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?


----------



## Expiry

1740red said:


> Bed.
> 
> Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?



They keep it safe. Have you never heard of daylight robbery?


If a tree falls in a forest at the speed of sound, does it make a noise?


----------



## caringsharingbristolbilly

Expiry said:


> They keep it safe. Have you never heard of daylight robbery?
> 
> 
> If a tree falls in a forest at the speed of sound, does it make a noise?



No, but the squirrels screaming would.

When I scrape ice off my car in the morning, is that because it's spent the night travelling through time like the DeLorean in Back To The Future?


----------



## 1740red

Only on Wednesdays.




Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?
Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed?
Can a stupid person be a smart-***?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
Could crop-circles be the work of a cereal killer?


----------



## caringsharingbristolbilly

1740red said:


> Only on Wednesdays.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?
> Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed?
> Can a stupid person be a smart-***?
> Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
> Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
> Could crop-circles be the work of a cereal killer?



A. Did you read the first post?

Q. Did you read the first post?


----------



## 1740red

A. Yes

Q. Did you get a life yet?


----------



## Jonmo1

Picking just one question...



> Can a stupid person be a smart-***?


 
A:  I don't know, you tell me...

Q:  Why do they call the place you go to get on an Airplane a "Terminal" ?


----------



## 1740red

Because you'll get terminally ill and die before your plane takes off.

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?


----------



## caringsharingbristolbilly

@1740red's previous reply to my post (new ones were added while I was editing)

A. Yes, but I spend a lot of it today being stressed out, so took it out on an unsuspecting forum member who didn't really deserve it. Sorry! I'll try and be a bit nicer next time. 

@last post

A. Yes - they need bigger ammo as Asians are usually much smaller targets. 

Q. Why do we say 'dropping like flies' when flies are so named because they fly most of the time? (Thanks, George Carlin, I've been thinking about that one for years)


----------



## 1740red

No Problem
A. It's because of the high highschool drop out rate of flies

Q.
What do chickens think we taste like?


----------



## schielrn

1740red said:


> Q.
> What do chickens think we taste like?


Chicken, because everything tastes like chicken.

Why in america do you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?


----------



## 1740red

It's a conspiracy


How do you throw out a garbage can?


----------



## Jonmo1

> Why in america do you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?


 
I think that was already done...

If you live in L.A., you usually ARE parked on a parkway.

Why are there locks on the doors of a 24 hour convenience store?


----------



## 1740red

To keep the employees in

What's the sound a name makes when it is dropped?


----------



## riaz

A clanger.

Is atheism a non-prophet organisation?


----------



## 1740red

No. They make money but it's non denominational so you don't know how much.

What do they call a french kiss in france?


----------



## riaz

un serrure de lèvre americain.

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?


----------



## 1740red

Only if they win

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?


----------



## riaz

Piebald.

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?


----------



## Qldguy30au

Yes, incase he needs to fart.

If you watch superman movies, he will stand, chest sticking out, while someone empties a pistol at him. Then why does he duck when the guy throws the gun at him?


----------



## Jonmo1

Because it's in the script  (funny question by the way)

In Ghost Movies, why does the ghost go through walls, but can easily walk up and down stairs?


----------



## 1740red

because it's in the script!

How do you throw out a garbage can?


----------



## texasalynn

recycle bin

If you are on the bottom of the earth is up really down?


----------



## Qldguy30au

It has to be up, after all.. we dont walk around on our heads.

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?


----------



## mole999

Darn tooting they will

What is the Meaning of Life


----------



## Stormseed

There is no life without a wife.

How come moths sleep during the day if they are attracted towards bright light ?


----------



## riaz

Global warming - I can't remember the last time I saw the sun come out 

Still on the subject of insects, if a fly loses its wings, should it be called a walk?


----------



## MrKowz

Depends how far you can throw him.

Why is it that only the South can bend upward to deny the squish of Ralph?


----------



## Oorang

Because the North has chosen to keep it PG.

If the fire was always burning since the world was turning, is it possible _that's_ what's causing global warming?


----------



## ZAX

Oorang said:


> Because the North has chosen to keep it PG.
> 
> If the fire was always burning since the world was turning, is it possible _that's_ what's causing global warming?



Of course, what do you think that big flaming thing in the sky is doin.

Is my question stupid?


----------



## AngelJ

ZAX said:


> Of course, what do you think that big flaming thing in the sky is doin.
> 
> Is my question stupid?



A: Error: Circular reference.

Q: Is my question stupid?


----------



## Michael M

Question...what question ??

If you plan to fail, and achieve that plan.....does that make you a success ??


----------



## ZAX

if you fail to success in a plan to fail to success, then failure of success is success!

They say "you might catch a cold", but I've never caught it before, how do I catch it?


----------



## Snakehips

I think you will find that is a misprint!  You might catch a cod if you go ocean fishing, however I generally get mine from the frozen food section at Tesco.

Would you give your right arm to be ambidextrous?


----------



## ZAX

I don't give any one anything, even if i did, you want me to cut my arm and stick my hand directly to my shoulder (yuk), of course not!

Why is the moon green?


----------



## Snakehips

Sorry to disappoint, but contrary to popular myth, the moon is NOT made of green cheese. No, the truth as to why the moon is green is because it is actually made of an iron framework clad with pure copper sheet.   When it was first manufactured in 1875 it would have been, typically, copper-brown in colour.  But now,  after many years of exposure to the elements the moon's surface has developed a natural bluish green patina, called verdigris.  Unlike New York's famous Statue of Liberty, which as any fool knows, IS made of green cheese!

For this next question please refer to post #306 of this thread or any of the other 8,000 + posts by Michael M
It concerns me that the dog hasn't moved so much as an eyelid since I started posting on this site.

Should the moderators call in a veterinary and have it checked over?


----------



## texasalynn

The vet says a test will have to be sent out for analysis.

If you use chalk on a chalk board, what do you use on a white board?


----------



## ZAX

The formula for the solution is this:


		Code:
__


Sin (chalk^2 board)/Hank car is bold


The "n" from Sin goes with the "n" from hank
The "i" and "s" from Is go with the "s" and "i" from Sin
The "b","o" and "d" from bold go with "b","o" and "d" of Board
Chalk^2 becomes Chalk x Chalk
we cut "h","a" and "k" from hank from the chalk
now it's:


		Code:
__


Chalk cl ar/car l


The "c" from car and the "l" go with cl
The ar with the ar, and we come up with: Chalk
Now if we apply the same formula to white board:


		Code:
__


Sin(white white board)/hank car is bold

so, the answer to your simple question is : "white wite/ak c l"

Is my answer correct?


----------



## Cross

Your answer is correct in some universes.

Why water is wet?


----------



## Snakehips

The short answer is 'public demand' ! 

The slightly longer answer.......
Way, way, back when it was first introduced, water was in fact dry and In that form it caused no end of problems.    For example, the death rate of pet goldfish went through the roof and washing your car on a Sunday morning would literally take the paint off the bodywork.    However, most seriously of all, people were having to chew through their morning coffee!!!   This of course made them late for work which impacted not only on their take home pay but on productivity in general.  As a consequence, apart from the boom in goldfish burial services and car re-sprays the economy descended into deep doo-doo's and times were tough.  This was especially true for the working classes who were forced to exist on little more than dry bread and dry water.  Not unsurprisingly, this lead to mass protest marches, name calling and the withholding of taxes.  Eventually, the government took notice and realised that trying to do things 'on the cheap' by introducing dry water, had backfired.   So it was that in the September of 1356 they raised the  'Wet Water Bill' which basically lead the way to water being what it is we know and take for granted, today.


I notice that death rate amongst pet goldfish is on the rise again.  Anyone know what might be behind that?


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## ZAX

Pet goldfish is becoming so much popular the rainbow fish is jealous of it, well I guess it's just a revenge, the rainbow fish shall become famous again, DEATH TO SMOOCHY!

If I planted apricot seeds, and got an apple tree, what will this tree give?


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## Snakehips

Will it give you every right to return to the seed shop, thump on the counter and demand your money back????


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## ZAX

I think it'll give Applicots :/


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## Snakehips

What, you only THINK it'll give Applicots!!!!

What sort of cheap-jack botanist are you?


Did you skip a term, at college, when they covered ‘how to cross-breed fruit’ ?


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## ZAX

We covered that in 6th grade -.-

Have YOU heard of "cross-feeding animals"? I think it's when you take all kinds of animals, leave them with no food for sometime then put them all in one cage...


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