# The best signatures



## Lewiy (Mar 7, 2008)

Patience commented on a couple of *excel*lent signatures in this thread:
http://www.mrexcel.com/forum/showthread.php?t=307435
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o>
Namely:
al b cnu’s - There are 10 kinds of people: Those who understand binary and those who don’t<o></o>
<o></o>
and<o></o>
<o></o>
UniMord’s - If you can't say something positive, at least say two negative things. It works with SUMPRODUCT; I'm sure it works elsewhere too!<o></o>
<o></o>
I’d also like to throw in one of my personal favourites:<o></o>
<o></o>
Domski’s - Has anyone seen my wagon? I appear to have fallen off it and it bloody hurt!!!<o></o>
<o></o>
Perhaps we can compile a thread of our favourite signatures *found on this board* and then have a vote on the best.
<o></o>
The prize can be……………knowing you have the best signature!!!
<o></o>
Wadda y’all think?


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## MarkAndrews (Mar 7, 2008)

I changed mine from<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o>
<o> </o>
"Id quot circumiret, circumveniat"<o></o>
<o> </o>
My MSN now reads<o></o>
<o> </o>
“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing”<o></o>


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## Oaktree (Mar 7, 2008)

Looks like he changed it, but I was always a big fan of Andrew Fergus' "I'd rather have full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy"


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## MarkAndrews (Mar 7, 2008)

Oaktree said:


> Looks like he changed it, but I was always a big fan of Andrew Fergus' "I'd rather have full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy"


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## RossMcColl (Mar 7, 2008)

FIFARAY007 has a great one:

"Consultant's Motto:

You can have things done Fast, Right, or Cheap. Pick 2. "


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## klb (Mar 7, 2008)

I'm not nominating my own but after helping someone with a problem, they thanked me and added:

Curiosity was killing the Zach, but satisfaction Rocks!

Made me realize that we all have this same curiostiy and he is right "satisfaction Rocks!"


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## Peter_SSs (Mar 8, 2008)

Not long after I joined the forum I noticed a couple of signatures that gave me a chuckle or made me think "how clever" so I started making a list. Of couse, some may have changed since I recorded them. My real favourites are the ones above the line.

*Ron Morris*
I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken!

*HOTPEPPER*
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

*Cbrine*
I'm generalizing from a single example, but everyone does. At least I do.

*Atmospheric*
I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

*Jon von der Heyden*
Ten good reasons why I procrastinate: 
1.

*Dom Hill*
My dog Minton ate a shuttlecock the other day...bad Minton!!!

*RichardS*
If absence makes the heart grow fonder and familiarity breeds contempt, perhaps my wife should live in Darwin?

******************************

*cmart02*
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work - Thomas Edison.

*Nimrod*
...........Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic...............The easiest thing to find is fault, don't be easy !.. --Anonymous-- ...

*gaftalik*
He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.

*HOTPEPPER*
If you get addicted to counseling, how do they cure you?

*Baaz*
A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn...

*silent bob*
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines

*al_b_cnu*
There are 10 kinds of people: 
Those who understand binary and those who don’t

*scrupul0us*
I'm not an alcoholic... alcoholics go to meetings

*Glaswegian*
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you’re on.

*BrianB*
Most problems occur from starting at the wrong place. 
Use a cup of coffee to speed up all Windows processes. 
It is easy until you know how.

*pennysaver*
Every once in a while, there's a sudden gust of gravity...

*mercmannick*
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

*GrayMPA*
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail


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## VoG (Mar 8, 2008)

Gerald Higgins -  				=TODAY() is the =TODAY()+1 you worried about =TODAY()-1


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## joefrench (Mar 8, 2008)

Lewiy's cracks me up everytime I see it!


> Work fascinates me........I could sit and watch it for hours!


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## Patience (Mar 10, 2008)

^ Yes that is a favourite of mine too. 

Absolute fave is the Binary one from Al b cnu, though. It seems so well placed here.


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## Domski (Mar 10, 2008)

Some of these do make me laugh 

My top 3 (in no particular order) have all been mentioned:

*Atmospheric*
I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner

*RichardS*
If absence makes the heart grow fonder and familiarity breeds contempt, perhaps my wife should live in Darwin?

*Lewiy*
Work fascinates me........I could sit and watch it for hours! 

__________________________________________________________________

I'd forgotten about the 'bad Minton' one (pre my username change) which, alas, I can't take credit for. One of my friends sent it to me on a text message while I was on a busy train to work. I couldn't stop chuckling to myself for about 15 mins and I'm sure the woman standing next to me thought I'd gone mad. Still brings a smile now.

Look forward to reading some more in the future.

Dom


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## indiantrix (Mar 16, 2008)

My favorite?  (Unknown)  "I may not be as good as I ONCE was, but
I'm as good ONCE as I EVER was!"
Larry


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## Andrew Fergus (Mar 17, 2008)

Oaktree said:


> Looks like he changed it, but I was always a big fan of Andrew Fergus' "I'd rather have full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy"



I might just have to change it back then! 

Cheers,
Andrew


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## Andrew Fergus (Mar 18, 2008)

Here are a couple of signatures I saw that made me smile (not necessarily from this website) : 

>
SELECT * FROM people WHERE clue > 0
0 records returned
>

and an oldie but a goodie:

C:/DOS
C:/DOS/RUN
*RUN/DOS/RUN! 
*
but my favourite is:
There are 10 kinds of people in this world : those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

Andrew


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## al_b_cnu (Mar 18, 2008)

Andrew Fergus said:


> Here are a couple of signatures I saw that made me smile (not necessarily from this website) :
> 
> >
> SELECT * FROM people WHERE clue > 0
> ...




Someone on this forum once suggested that I changed it to 





> There are 10 kinds of people: Those who understand Binary, those who dont & those who can't count"


but inertia ruled


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## Peter_SSs (Mar 18, 2008)

Alan

Shouldn't they have suggested this? 


> There are *11* kinds of people: Those who understand Binary, those who dont & those who can't count


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## al_b_cnu (Mar 18, 2008)

Peter_SSs said:


> Alan
> 
> Shouldn't they have suggested this?



So what category does that put me then


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## Peter_SSs (Mar 18, 2008)

al_b_cnu said:


> So what category does that put me then


Must be category 100


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## al_b_cnu (Mar 18, 2008)

Peter

I think we've just proved that numbers CAN be funny - '10' and '100' are, but '11' isnt


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## Andrew Fergus (Mar 18, 2008)

Of course this one is only relevant one day per year, but it is for the Star Wars fans:
"May the 4th be with you!"


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## Peter_SSs (Mar 18, 2008)

Andrew Fergus said:


> ...but it is for the Star Wars fans


Or is that for the "thtar warth fanth"?


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## Lewiy (Mar 20, 2008)

Ok, as this thread is starting to go off track now, I think it’s time to tally up.  So, we have 11010 nominations………The polls only allow 1010 options so if we want to have a proper vote, we’re gonna need to whittle these down a bit.  Anyone have any ideas how?!!!
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o>
Nominations short list is (in alphabetical order of username):
<o></o>
al b cnu - There are 10 kinds of people: Those who understand binary and those who don’t<o></o>
<o></o>
Andrew Fergus - I'd rather have full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy<o></o>
<o></o>
Atmospheric - I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.<o></o>
<o></o>
Baaz - A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn...<o></o>
<o></o>
BrianB - Most problems occur from starting at the wrong place. Use a cup of coffee to speed 
up all Windows processes. It is easy until you know how.<o></o>
<o></o>
Cbrine - I'm generalizing from a single example, but everyone does. At least I do.<o></o>
<o></o>
cmart02 - <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1lace w:st="on">Opportunity</st1lace> is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work - Thomas Edison.<o></o>
<o></o>
Dom Hill - My dog Minton ate a shuttlecock the other day...bad Minton!!!<o></o>
<o></o>
Domski - Has anyone seen my wagon? I appear to have fallen off it and it bloody hurt!!!<o></o>
<o></o>
FIFARAY007 - Consultant's Motto: You can have things done Fast, Right, or Cheap. Pick 2.
<o></o>
gaftalik - He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.<o></o>
<o></o>
Gerald Higgins - =TODAY() is the =TODAY()+1 you worried about =TODAY()-1<o></o>
<o></o>
Glaswegian - The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you’re on.<o></o>
<o></o>
GrayMPA - If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail<o></o>
<o></o>
HOTPEPPER - Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?<o></o>
<o></o>
HOTPEPPER - If you get addicted to counseling, how do they cure you?<o></o>
<o></o>
Jon von der Heyden - Ten good reasons why I procrastinate: 1.<o></o>
<o></o>
Lewiy - Work fascinates me........I could sit and watch it for hours!<o></o>
<o></o>
mercmannick - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.<o></o>
<o></o>
Nimrod - ...........Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic...............The easiest thing to find is fault, don't be easy !.. –
Anonymous-- ...
<o></o>
pennysaver - Every once in a while, there's a sudden gust of gravity...<o></o>
<o></o>
RichardS - If absence makes the heart grow fonder and familiarity breeds contempt, perhaps my wife should live in <st1:City w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">Darwin</st1lace></st1:City>?<o></o>
Ron Morris - I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken!<o></o>
<o></o>
scrupul0us - I'm not an alcoholic... alcoholics go to meetings<o></o>
<o></o>
silent bob - Change is inevitable, except from vending machines<o></o>
<o></o>
UniMord - If you can't say something positive, at least say two negative things. It works with SUMPRODUCT; I'm sure it works elsewhere too!


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## al_b_cnu (Mar 20, 2008)

> Ok, as this thread is starting to go off track now, I think it’s time to tally up. So, we have 11010 nominations………The polls only allow 1010 options so if we want to have a proper vote, we’re gonna need to whittle these down a bit. Anyone have any ideas how?!!!


Is that binary then?


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## joefrench (Mar 20, 2008)

Can I nominate one from another board? If not, I want to post it anyway....quite the good one.

"You lick the lollipop of mediocrity once and you'll suck forever." - Puttin4Bird (@ Sandtrap.com)


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## Patience (Mar 20, 2008)

Lewiy said:


> Anyone have any ideas how



I don't know if this will work cos I haven't checked (what a great way to start a post!) but take the 1010 of so from that list that have had the most positive votes so far in this thread?


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## Lewiy (Mar 20, 2008)

Patience said:


> I don't know if this will work cos I haven't checked (what a great way to start a post!) but take the 1010 of so from that list that have had the most positive votes so far in this thread?


 
Looks like I might have to sit down and really go through the nominations properly then!!  Shame I can’t post the poll options in hex…..I’m sure it would let me do 1A options…..
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o>
Watch this space!!


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## RossMcColl (Mar 20, 2008)

I win!


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## joefrench (Mar 20, 2008)

RossMcColl said:


> I win!


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## Andrew Fergus (Mar 20, 2008)

The "He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes" signature reminded me of another :

Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, but if you set a man on fire......

Regarding the use of a poll - create 11 polls each with 1010 options and then the top 10 from each can fight it out in the final poll.


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## Cbrine (Mar 21, 2008)

Not quite a signature, but one of my favorite quotes....

Once you accept that the universe is matter expanding into nothing that is something, then wearing stripes with plaid is easy.

Einstein



PS-My entry was a rather bad attempt to re-create a great bit of writing by Terry Brooks...When a book can make you chuckle to yourself, it's a good book!!


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## Lewiy (Mar 25, 2008)

Ok, I've finally had time to sort out the polls!!  I've taken Andrew's suggestion and created 3 seperate polls (I'm dropping the binary talk now, it's hurting my head!!)

The polls will run for 7 days...unfortunately, there is a restriction of 100 characters on the poll options so a small number of quotes did not fit fully.  I have tried to condense these wherever possible without losing the meaning.......But the full list is in this thread if you want to read them in their original state!

In the interest of equality, I have simply put the quotes on the polls in alphabetical order of user name....due to an embarrasing case of miscounting on my part, the first two polls have eight options each and the third has ten options 

Anyway, after the 7 day poll period, I will take the top 3 from each poll (and top four from the third one to even things up) which will then go on to battle it out for the number one spot!

Get voting 

http://www.mrexcel.com/forum/showthread.php?t=310743
http://www.mrexcel.com/forum/showthread.php?t=310744
http://www.mrexcel.com/forum/showthread.php?t=310745


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## Patience (Mar 26, 2008)

So exciting!!! I have voted in all three!!!


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## Lewiy (Mar 27, 2008)

I've just realised that by pure coincidence, the polls will close on April 1st........I would like to assure everyone that this was not intentional and should in no way be construed as a potential April fool's joke.

Having cleared that up, it's nice to see so many voters, I think this one could be a close race to the finish!!!


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## TinaP (Mar 27, 2008)

I also noticed that your signature is leading its poll.

Coincidence?


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## Lewiy (Mar 28, 2008)

Actually, I’m surprised that mine was even nominated……I am humbled


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## Domski (Mar 28, 2008)

Expiry's sig just caught my eye:



> I have a pet Raven, which laid an egg the other day. I was trying to calculate how many Ravens I would have if her egg hatched, but I had no paper to write on. So, I scribbled my calculations on the egg, but that was fresh and hadn't even gone hard yet.
> 
> I still managed to work out that I would have 2 Ravens, by using My Crow's Soft Egg-Shell.


 
I'm not sure if it's brilliant,good, bad or truly gut wrenchingly terrible but worth an honourable mention.

Dom


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## Lewiy (Mar 29, 2008)

Domski said:


> Expiry's sig just caught my eye:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Ok, it took me a couple of times through to get that one! 

1st read - "What the .......???" 

2nd read - "Oh I get it" 

3rd read - "Groan" 

I think it definately qualifies as a groaner!!  But a good effort none-the-less!!  Good spot!


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## al_b_cnu (Mar 31, 2008)

I bet Patienc'es signature might have been in with a chance if anyone could understand it


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## Domski (Mar 31, 2008)

I feel so thick sometimes. I don't even know what language it is.

Not surprising really as the binary thing is almost beyond me!


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## al_b_cnu (Mar 31, 2008)

> Uva uvam vivendo varia fit



It looks like latin to me, isnt 'Uva' something to do with eggs, and 'vivendo something you keep snakes in?

Based on that, it must mean 'keep your snake eggs in a vivarium that's big enough'

Not very funny after all


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## Domski (Mar 31, 2008)

Tried running it through an on-line translator and it gave up.

Something to do with the vine of life according to Google although nobody seems to be sure. Makes me feel (slighlty) less thick at least.


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## joefrench (Mar 31, 2008)

Domski said:


> Tried running it through an on-line translator and it gave up.
> 
> Something to do with the vine of life according to Google although nobody seems to be sure. Makes me feel (slighlty) less thick at least.


This is what I got with Google....but it seems that it's just a guess/approximation...
Uva uvam vivendo varia fit --"The changing vine becomes the living vine."
http://members.aol.com/katydidit/ktscrols.htm


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## Patience (Mar 31, 2008)

al_b_cnu said:


> 'keep your snake eggs in a vivarium that's big enough'



Spot on! That's exactly what it means!

Not really, although it is Latin, and deliberately bad Latin.

[link] http://alkek.library.txstate.edu/swwc/ld/ldex081a1.html [/link]



> The Latin phrase that appears on the Hat Creek Cattle Company sign in "Lonesome Dove" is a garbled corruption, and there's no direct translation. It derives from the scholia to Juvenal 2.81 which cites the proverb "uva uvam videndo varia fit" This means something like "a grape changes color [i.e., ripens] when it sees [another] grape"
> 
> Novelist Larry McMurtry probably intentionally misused the Latin, perhaps to make a point about Augustus McCrae's tenuous understanding of the language.
> 
> From there, any number of interpretations have arisen to explain why McMurtry chose to communicate that particular idea. Probably the soundest theory is that the phrase serves as a metaphor for the group's journey, as many of the story's characters go through a process of personal maturation and development. Much like grapes ripen in the presence of others.



It seems fitting for a place where shared learning and ideas stimulate an increase in knowledge and to some extent self-knowledge. And the fact that it is really bad Latin and means nothing, suggests that there is always more to learn.

And I love the book and the mimiseries of Lonesome Dove, particularly the chracter of Gus McRea who thinks he is clever because he 'knows' Latin.


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## Patience (Mar 31, 2008)

joefrench said:


> This is what I got with Google....but it seems that it's just a guess/approximation...
> Uva uvam vivendo varia fit --"The changing vine becomes the living vine."
> http://members.aol.com/katydidit/ktscrols.htm




That article is slightly inaccurate (and contains a big plot spoiler!) as it doesn't refer to 'Lonesome Dove' as it claims, but 'Return to Lonesome Dove' which is a good but not very good sequel to 'Lonesome Dove' (and was not written by Larry McMurtry.)


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## al_b_cnu (Mar 31, 2008)

This thread might get moved to 'Questions in other languages' if we're not careful :¬/

If it's any consolation, if I'd understood it before, it would have got my vote


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## Expiry (Mar 31, 2008)

Lewiy said:


> Ok, it took me a couple of times through to get that one!
> 
> 1st read - "What the .......???"
> 
> ...



There are 2 reasons why it qualifies as a groaner:

1. You're groaning because it's the kind of genius that you wish you'd thought of.

2. It's a really rubbish play on words.

Come on, Expiry! You can do better than that.


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## Patience (Mar 31, 2008)

al_b_cnu said:


> This thread might get moved to 'Questions in other languages' if we're not careful :¬/
> 
> If it's any consolation, if I'd understood it before, it would have got my vote



Ah well, I am flattered! I can't claim to have thought of the words, but I am flattered none the less.


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## RossMcColl (Mar 31, 2008)

Reminds me of a phrase i saw (although I can't remember the exact changes) rephrasing the famous poem "Dulce et Decorum est" which reads:

Dulce et Decorum est Pro patria mori - meaning "how fitting it is to die for ones country"

And someone had reworded it to be "how fitting it is to die for ones failed timeline"

There are a lot of people in our IT department that assume they're intelligent because they "know" latin...


But I feel we digress


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