# How many members does it take to change a light bulb?



## Andrew Fergus (Jan 17, 2006)

An oldie but a goodie (and I haven't seen it on MrExcel yet) :

*How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?*

1 to change the light bulb

1 to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light
bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

23 to flame the spell checkers

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"

...another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

1 industry professional to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

5 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb"
is perfectly correct

16 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation
of their "acceptable use policy"

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this
discussion to a lightbulb forum

23 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and
lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs
and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to
buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this
technique and what brands are faulty

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the
corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this
group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all
headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot
handle the light bulb controversy

9 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

...another 4 to ask what is a "FAQ"?

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

and 1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....

{Note : yes we have all seen this sort of thread before, but not here on MrExcel!}


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## Felix Atagong (Jan 17, 2006)

Depends on how you declare the variable 'lightbulb' - is it a string or an integer? Watch out for those Boolean lightbulbs, they are dangerous.


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## milesUK (Jan 17, 2006)

Brilliant. As an amateur theatre tech' I was going to be the token 'Industry pro'. But you beat me to it.


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## Smitty (Jan 17, 2006)

And my wife used to work for a company that managed stage lighting and effects for the rock industry (Metallica, Van Hagar, etc.), so I've heard tons of light bulb stories! 

Smitty


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## Greg Truby (Jan 17, 2006)

Andrew, you didn't see it because you joined MrExcel in September of 2004 and the original post for this was done by Iridium back on 12 Aug 2003 in the old Max Cells Lounge (long ago shuttered by management - and, no, *don't* ask why).  So, I suppose that puts you in the role of the last guy listed there... :wink:

And, Smitty, I'm surprised you didn't mention this, because you were a participant on that old thread.


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## Smitty (Jan 17, 2006)

> And, Smitty, I'm surprised you didn't mention this, because you were a participant on that old thread.


For some reason or another I think I forgot.

I guess it took this post for the bulb to go off (or on as it were)!  (I know...audible GROAN from the gallery!)

Smitty


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## Andrew Fergus (Jan 17, 2006)

> Andrew, you didn't see it because you joined MrExcel in September of 2004 and the original post for this was done by Iridium back on 12 Aug 2003 in the old Max Cells Lounge (long ago shuttered by management - and, no, *don't* ask why).  So, I suppose that puts you in the role of the last guy listed there... :wink:



D'Oh!  I did a quick search for 'light bulb' before I posted this but nothing turned up.   

I guess that makes the newbie!


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## Norie (Jan 17, 2006)

Ah!!

But don't these posts add to the list?

Not sure which category though.


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## whiteghost (Jan 22, 2006)

but from the psycholist's point of view... did the lightbulb/light bulb/ lamp want to change?

the poor bugger is not only burnt out , but now has schizophrenia


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## Oorang (Feb 15, 2006)

I felt the need to be the new forum member that posts to the thread to brng it back up. AHHH HAHAHAHHA


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## XLGibbs (Feb 20, 2006)

The correct answer, as I am sure you all know...is that we would not change the lightbulb because we prefer it very DIM.

Muuahahahaha.


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## milesUK (Feb 23, 2006)

What COLOR was this lamp then?


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## Felix Atagong (Feb 23, 2006)

Don't forget it all depends form the height of the *CEILING* and the position of the *FLOOR* as well.


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## Oorang (Feb 23, 2006)

Do we know the significance of the ceiling and floor?


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## Cbrine (Feb 23, 2006)

Is anyone else's head beginning to ache from the bad puns in this thread?????


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## shades (Feb 24, 2006)

Since the LIGHT can not be HIDDEN under a bushel, it must still be VERY DIM for some who can't appreciate 2/3 of a pun (PU).


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## Smitty (Feb 27, 2006)

OK, how about a new twist:

How many students does it take to change a lightbulb at . . . 

*Princeton:* Two. One to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician. 

*Cornell:* Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure. 

*Columbia:* 76. One to change the lightbulb, 50 to protest the lightbulb's right not to change and 25 to hold a counterprotest. 

*Harvard:* One. One to hold the lightbulb. The world revolves around him. 

*Yale:* None. New Haven looks better in the dark. 

*Stanford:* One, dude. 

*Tufts:* Two. One to change the lightbulb and the other to say loudly that he did it as well as an Ivy League student. 

*Wesleyan:* Wesleyan is boycotting General Electric. You know, military-industrial complex and all that. 

*Massachusetts Institute of Technology:* Five. One to design a nuclear-powered lightbulb that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb, two to install it and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch. 

*Middlebury College:* Five. One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion. 

*Connecticut College:* Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to complain that if they were at a better school, the lightbulb wouldn't go out. 

*University of Virginia:* 13. Ten to form a student committee to vote on whether changing lightbulbs is a violation of the Honor Code, one to change the lightbulb, one to hold the keg he's standing on and another to attribute electricity to Thomas Jefferson. 

*Santa Clara University:* One. But you would never know about it because only Cal and Stanford get publicity for changing their lightbulbs.

Smitty


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## Felix Atagong (Feb 28, 2006)

When enough people at my company have argued long enough that it is outrageous that the lightbulb is broken, I send an urgent mail to the Lightbulb Division Manager (LDM) abroad. He then gives the order to the outsourced Lightbulb Software and Hardware Company (LSHC), who immediately start working on a solution.

About three weeks later we complain thru the LDM that the lightbulb still isn't fixed. Not true replies LSHC three days later. The lightbulb has been replaced 7 days ago. 

I go and investigate and find out that the original broken lightbulb has indeed been replaced by a lightbulb of 110V instead of one of 230V. I signal this to the LDM who signals it to the LSHC.

Suddenly, about eight weeks later, the light comes back. We receive a bill of several thousands of Euro for extra maintenance charges as apparently the replacing of a light bulb was not foreseen in the original contract.


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## Oorang (Feb 28, 2006)

At my former company (Huge Mortgage Corporation) we would take at least 4 meetings to determine the standards we should be holding the light bulb vendor to. After deciding the standards by consensus a low level supervisor would make several changes without notifying their superiors then send it out to the vendors. Who would then argue that they are not contractually bound to adhere to those standards as no one thought of entering in service level agreement into the contract, several meeting and several concessions with the vendors later we would agree that while they did have to change the light bulb we could request they meet a certain timeframe, but could not penalize them if they did not. 

The vendors would then go to change the light bulb and realize it would cost more than our company would allow and place a bid. We would receive the bid determine that we were not willing to pay that much money for a light bulb and request a second bid. The vendor would then send the exact same contracting company out who would make the exact same bid. We would then review the second bid and have an hour long discussion on whether we really needed the light bulb at all. 

A neighbor would then call in to complain that the missing light bulb was a public nuisance and if we did not replace it they would report us to the city. We would then turn over all bids and work orders to the code violation team who would not order the work done because they had received no official code violation. 

A code enforcement officer would then call the code violation team saying that because we had failed to comply with his official posting on the house we would now be fined on a daily basis until the light bulb was changed. We would then order the work done on a rush no-bid basis which would cause the contactor to get it done in the normal time frame but at twice the original bid. 

After paying all the fines for the light bulb and the fines for everything else the code inspector found when he inspected the property, we would convey the property to the original investor only to have it reconveyed to us because we had not used the HUD required light bulb and the light bulb will need replaced.


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