# What do you do for a living?



## MrKowz (Oct 6, 2008)

What do you do for a living?  We all know that you just spend your time on MrExcel.com, so we can just say what do you "pretend" to do?

Myself, I am an Actuarial Science student working on his Bachelor/Master's degree (accelerated program) as well as trying to pass his second SOA Exam (Exam 2/FM).

I work for an excess workers compensation business.


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## Jonmo1 (Oct 6, 2008)

I work at a call center, and manage a Data Access intranet site for agent and manager performance statistics and coaching.  Also some Call Volume reporting.  With global clients, in U.S., India, Phillipenes


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## arkusM (Oct 6, 2008)

I work as an analyst in an oil and gas company... But we are a small shop and I do a lot of different things including operational activities. But, I get work out problems, build models and fix models in Excel and it is those activities which bring me here, to a mecca of excel knowledge.


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## VoG (Oct 6, 2008)

Research chemist - drinking water quality and treatment.

I sometimes build Excel/VBA models for this as well as general data analysis and number crunching.


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## Stormseed (Oct 7, 2008)

I work in a multinational Financial Organisation in MIS (Management Information System) and do all the work with & in Excel (including VBA) as core. I am working with these Financial Orgs (2 companies in 3 years) since last 3 years and before that I too used to work in a Call Center BPO at Bombay, India - place where I live  I used to work in STREAM - APAC (Asia Pacific) and I was a Sr. Professional into MIS / Operations. I used to work for DELL CCOD (Customer Care Operations Desk) at STREAM. Before this, I was a Sr. Faculty at APTECH COMPUTER EDUCATION - teaching Core JAVA, Advanced JAVA & Distributed Applications Programming 

Hi VOG II,

One small question in regards to the most common water purifier in India: how good is Aquaguard (from Eureka Forbes) as a home use filter and is it good enough to keep water borne diseases away ? Which filter according to you is the best for home use ? 

Here in India, thousands of people die every week due to water borne diseases. I hope, I am not asking too much


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## VoG (Oct 7, 2008)

Stormseed said:


> Hi VOG II,
> 
> One small question in regards to the most common water purifier in India: how good is Aquaguard (from Eureka Forbes) as a home use filter and is it good enough to keep water borne diseases away ? Which filter according to you is the best for home use ?
> 
> Here in India, thousands of people die every week due to water borne diseases. I hope, I am not asking too much



Hi Stormseed

I couldn't possibly comment on particular filters in a public forum 

If you are going to buy a filter, get one from a reputable company. I don't know the situation in India but in the UK there is a trade association - British Water http://www.britishwater.co.uk/ - whose members are reputable.

One of the biggest issues with domestic water filters is maintenance. If you don't change/clean the filter element at the recommended frequency you can end up with higher bacteria counts in the filtered water than in the input (bacteria colonise the filter medium and proliferate). Note however that these bugs are not necessarily harmful to health.


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## DonkeyOte (Oct 7, 2008)

Presently: Nothing 
Past: Financial Systems Manager


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## Patience (Oct 7, 2008)

I work in the charity sector - basically telling the people who give us money how we are spending it. In a nutshell.

I have just started a Masters in Classical Civilisation, for fun, but with any luck it will lead me into the heritage sector.


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## Stormseed (Oct 7, 2008)

VoG II said:


> Hi Stormseed
> 
> I couldn't possibly comment on particular filters in a public forum
> 
> One of the biggest issues with domestic water filters is maintenance. If you don't change/clean the filter element at the recommended frequency you can end up with higher bacteria counts in the filtered water than in the input (bacteria colonise the filter medium and proliferate). Note however that these bugs are not necessarily harmful to health


 
Hi again Vog II, 

No problem, sir. Much appreciate your response though. I asked about the filters because you said that you were into research for quality of water. Hence I guess, you were the best person to suggest something in regards to the filters available in the markets. Thanks for the additional information on the filter elements. 



> Presently: Nothing
> Past: Financial Systems Manager


 
Hi Luke, 

why do you say that ? Presently you are doing a wonderful job educating other people across the globe in terms of teaching Excel to the world - free of cost. Now, thats what you call as an achievement ! It provides you with job satisfaction and it is what matters the most


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## RoryA (Oct 7, 2008)

I'm a reinsurance analyst. If anyone knows what that is, could they explain it to me?


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## Stormseed (Oct 7, 2008)

rorya said:


> I'm a reinsurance analyst. If anyone knows what that is, could they explain it to me?


 
If someone, other than you, knows about it, why would the reinsurance company need you then ?


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## RoryA (Oct 7, 2008)

Stormseed said:


> If someone, other than you, knows about it, why would the reinsurance company need you then ?


 
I don't work for a reinsurance company!


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## Richard Schollar (Oct 7, 2008)

rorya said:


> I don't work for a reinsurance company!


 
Given the lunches I think you can just truncate that last statement to "I don't work"...


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## cornflakegirl (Oct 7, 2008)

rorya said:


> I'm a reinsurance analyst. If anyone knows what that is, could they explain it to me?



I've just done a quick Google on reinsurance analyst, and apparently they need to "be able to place various Reinsurance programmes, including the preparation of placing information and structure of programme". So I hope that's clear to everyone now.


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## Stormseed (Oct 7, 2008)

rorya said:


> I don't work for a reinsurance company!


 
Good for you  

You do not need to be an employee of the particular company for analyzing insurances. You can do that even post midnight


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## riaz (Oct 7, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> So I hope that's clear to everyone now.



Clear as mud, Emma, but it covers the ground.


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## Stormseed (Oct 7, 2008)

Well, I dont have an idea about what Emma is referring to but I guess, reinsurances has everything to do with insurances  I maybe wrong again 

Ofcourse, I am outta here coz all the three of you together again, it means this thread is on the verge of a hijack !

Edit: Forgot about Mr. Riaz - Old is Gold


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## RoryA (Oct 7, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> I've just done a quick Google on reinsurance analyst, and apparently they need to "be able to place various Reinsurance programmes, including the preparation of placing information and structure of programme". So I hope that's clear to everyone now.


 
Oh yeah, that rings a bell!  Thanks.


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## RoryA (Oct 7, 2008)

RichardSchollar said:


> Given the lunches I think you can just truncate that last statement to "I don't work"...


 
*One* lunch we had! One! I thought *I* was the one employed to extrapolate wildly from not enough information...


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## cornflakegirl (Oct 7, 2008)

Hey! That sounds like my job description! I never knew I was a reinsurance analyst too...


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## RoryA (Oct 7, 2008)

Welcome to the club! That's you, me and Keith so far...


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## cornflakegirl (Oct 7, 2008)

Are you an actuary? I wanted to be an actuary when I was 15.


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## Richard Schollar (Oct 7, 2008)

Q: How do you identify an extrovert actuary?

A: He's the one that looks at the other person's shoes when he's talking to them!


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## Richard Schollar (Oct 7, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> Are you an actuary? I wanted to be an actuary when I was 15.


 
I'd keep that to yourself if I was you Emma - I had such a high opinion of you previously...


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## RoryA (Oct 7, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> Are you an actuary? I wanted to be an actuary when I was 15.


 
God no. (Sometimes I wish I were - I'd make a lot more money) I just do actuarial type stuff. See, I've got all the lingo.

Why on earth would any 15 year old even know what an actuary is, let alone want to be one. Most actuaries I've met don't want to be actuaries...


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## cornflakegirl (Oct 7, 2008)

Erm... that was as far as I read in the careers book?

I have a soft spot for actuaries - I dated one for several years. He was lovely, so were his colleagues. I really don't get why they have such a bad press!


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## Richard Schollar (Oct 7, 2008)

Q: What do Actuaries use for contraception?

A: Their personalities.


(Sorry Keith!)


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## Peter_SSs (Oct 7, 2008)

Odd jobs (including Excel) in a public accountancy practice.





Stormseed said:


> Hi Luke,
> 
> why do you say that ? Presently you are doing a wonderful job educating other people across the globe in terms of teaching Excel to the world - free of cost. Now, thats what you call as an achievement ! It provides you with job satisfaction and it is what matters the most


But the question was "What do you do for a *living*?" As you rightly pointed out, posting on MrExcel does not pay highly.


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## Stormseed (Oct 7, 2008)

Sorry.

Please ignore - did not read the comment by Peter in a proper manner. "Haste makes Waste" - its true !


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## mattrx731 (Oct 7, 2008)

Pharmacist, full time.
I use excel for a small party rental company that I do in the summer.


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## MrKowz (Oct 7, 2008)

RichardSchollar said:


> Q: What do Actuaries use for contraception?
> 
> A: Their personalities.
> 
> ...


 
LOL!  That is a good one!  

Thankfully, I have a real outgoing and humorous personality, getting married in less than a year!  And I think I am one of the few actuaries that enjoy it.  I was a math nerd growing up, placing in the top 20 in the mid-west for a nation-wide math competition in college (The AMATYC Competition).

I can't really answer what a reinsurance analyst is, but I can answer what reinsurance is:

Reinsurance is where an insurance company purchases insurance to cover catastrophic claims or aggegate exposure.  For example, Insurance company ABC purchases a reinsurance policy from XYZ that covers losses greater than $2,000,000.  If ABC has a claim in excess of $2,000,000, then ABC will pay the whole amount of the claim, but they will be reimbursed for anything over $2,000,000.  (Pretty sure I described that right).


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## Stormseed (Oct 7, 2008)

Peter_SSs said:


> Odd jobs (including Excel) in a public accountancy practice.
> 
> 
> 
> But the question was "What do you do for a *living*?" As you rightly pointed out, posting on MrExcel does not pay highly


 
It was not about posting - Luke said earlier "Presently - Nothing" - it sounds that he does nothing - the fact is - he is gaining fame and excelling - hereby setting an example of expertise in Excel - through which he would (I reckon) earn a living in the near future ! I tried to be polite and encouraged him though for whaetever he was doing. 

Its not only for him - whoever on this board - the hard work & sacrifice for others without being self centered - will always get rewarded 

So the quote - "Presently - Doing Nothing" does not make much sense. If you understand what I mean to say, then thanks to you ! 

And if you do not understand what I mean to say, even then thanks for reading


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## riaz (Oct 7, 2008)

rorya said:


> *One* lunch we had! One! I thought *I* was the one employed to extrapolate wildly from not enough information...



Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.


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## Peter_SSs (Oct 7, 2008)

riaz said:


> Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.


I've known drunken men to use lamp-posts for yet another purpose!


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## Domski (Oct 7, 2008)

> What do you do for a living? We all know that you just spend your time on MrExcel.com, so we can just say what do you "pretend" to do?


 
I spend as little time as possible working as a Senior Management Information Analyst for Leeds City Council's Business Support Centre. You want stats on sickness levels, equality data, staffing data, payroll/financials etc etc then I'm your man. Basically I run reports from SAP and play around with the output in Excel.

The rest of the time I try not to think about what I do for a "living"!!!

Dom


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## RoryA (Oct 7, 2008)

MrKowz said:


> I can't really answer what a reinsurance analyst is, but I can answer what reinsurance is:
> 
> Reinsurance is where an insurance company purchases insurance to cover catastrophic claims or aggegate exposure. For example, Insurance company ABC purchases a reinsurance policy from XYZ that covers losses greater than $2,000,000. If ABC has a claim in excess of $2,000,000, then ABC will pay the whole amount of the claim, but they will be reimbursed for anything over $2,000,000. (Pretty sure I described that right).


 
That's a rough description of one type of reinsurance (excess of loss). Reinsurance is just insurance of insurance companies really.


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## TinaP (Oct 7, 2008)

I am the PC/Applications Specialist in a community bank.  Basically, I'm the one the other employees call when something doesn't work.  I handle everything from setting up hardware to reporting to programming.


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## Stormseed (Oct 7, 2008)

> That's a rough description of one type of reinsurance (excess of loss). Reinsurance is just insurance of insurance companies really


 
You mean to say, that Insurance Companies, insure themselves so that - incase they go bankrupt - they still have their goodwill and clientele in place ? 

thanks for the information, Rory


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## sous2817 (Oct 7, 2008)

I'm pretty sure they got rid of re-insurers in the US because using the term "insure" means you can be regulated.  I think they are called credit swappers now...Essentially it's the same job, just without all those pesky rules, regulations, and safeguards.  



MrKowz said:


> I can't really answer what a reinsurance analyst is, but I can answer what reinsurance is:
> 
> Reinsurance is where an insurance company purchases insurance to cover catastrophic claims or aggegate exposure.  For example, Insurance company ABC purchases a reinsurance policy from XYZ that covers losses greater than $2,000,000.  If ABC has a claim in excess of $2,000,000, then ABC will pay the whole amount of the claim, but they will be reimbursed for anything over $2,000,000.  (Pretty sure I described that right).



I work in the clinical research field...I'm basically a middleman between pharmaceutical companies and doctor's offices / hospitals.  I just made it sound a lot more exciting than it actually is...


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## MrKowz (Oct 7, 2008)

sous2817 said:


> I'm pretty sure they got rid of re-insurers in the US because using the term "insure" means you can be regulated. I think they are called credit swappers now...Essentially it's the same job, just without all those pesky rules, regulations, and safeguards.


 
Nope, got the world headquarters for the Reinsurance Group of America (RGA) about two buildings down.  Reinsurance is still widely used in the US.


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## RoryA (Oct 7, 2008)

They insure themselves for the same reason we do - we offset our risks in case something bad happens. In an insurance company's case, something like a hurricane, or a class action law suit, can suddenly expose them to paying out a lot more claims than they normally would, so they buy protection against that (not necessarily just reinsurance)


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## sous2817 (Oct 7, 2008)

MrKowz said:


> Nope, got the world headquarters for the Reinsurance Group of America (RGA) about two buildings down.  Reinsurance is still widely used in the US.



Sorry, I meant the mortgage industry stopped using reinsurance, they call it "Credit default swap" now.


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## MorganO (Oct 7, 2008)

I work as a Communications/Computer Systems officer in the US military but that is just a fancy title for a guy that sits at a desk most of the day inundated with e-mail and taskings from more senior people.  All those years of management classes sure weren't very helpful for this job!  

One good thing I can give to this job is that it introduced me to MS Excel, and for that I am very thankful!

Owen


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## MrKowz (Oct 7, 2008)

sous2817 said:


> Sorry, I meant the mortgage industry stopped using reinsurance, they call it "Credit default swap" now.


 
Ahhh.  Yea, that would make sense for mortgages.


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## Stormseed (Oct 7, 2008)

rorya said:


> They insure themselves for the same reason we do - we offset our risks in case something bad happens. In an insurance company's case, something like a hurricane, or a class action law suit, can suddenly expose them to paying out a lot more claims than they normally would, so they buy protection against that (not necessarily just reinsurance)


 
So what type of a company would provide an insurance to an insurance company ? If you dont have an idea about India, you could give a couple of examples in the UK, incase you are aware of any..

One more small question - is this type ("Reinsurance") used in India ? I dont really know but it would be some interesting information to acquire


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## sous2817 (Oct 7, 2008)

MrKowz said:


> Ahhh.  Yea, that would make sense for mortgages.



Yeah, I think pretty close to $700 billion in sense.


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## MrKowz (Oct 7, 2008)

sous2817 said:


> yeah, i think pretty close to $700 billion in sense.


 
hah!


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## RoryA (Oct 7, 2008)

Stormseed said:


> So what type of a company would provide an insurance to an insurance company ? If you dont have an idea about India, you could give a couple of examples in the UK, incase you are aware of any..
> 
> One more small question - is this type ("Reinsurance") used in India ? I dont really know but it would be some interesting information to acquire


 
A Reinsurance company!  I think GIC is the main reinsurance company in India.


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## absquatulation (Oct 7, 2008)

From nine to five I have to spend my time at work
My job is very boring - I'm an office clerk
The only think that helps me pass the time away
Is knowing that I'll be back at Echo Beach some day

That and looking at Mr Excel.....


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## Stormseed (Oct 7, 2008)

Naah- I dont know about GIC as an insurance company, perhaps you wanted to mention about LIC ? LIC (Life Insurance Coporation of India) - is it a reinsurance company ? This term "Reinsurance" is itself a new thingie for me atleast ! 

thanks for the extensive information you have shared and would be sharing, Rory.


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## Stormseed (Oct 7, 2008)

absquatulation said:


> From nine to five I have to spend my time at work


 
You are a lucky guy 

My day @ work begins @ 9:30 AM and finishes at no fixed time


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## RoryA (Oct 7, 2008)

Nope - I did mean GIC, as mentioned in this article as the "Indian Reinsurer" (I don't know if there are others yet)


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## absquatulation (Oct 7, 2008)

Stormseed said:


> You are a lucky guy
> 
> My day @ work begins @ 9:30 AM and finishes at no fixed time



But my job is very boring - I'm an office clerk...


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## marino72 (Oct 7, 2008)

Hello folks,

I'm a reliability engineer/ statistician in the smiconductor industry. Learning VBA, by plagiarizm from your great forum, has been just great addition to my skills and experience. I'm very much in debt to many of you.

Great work


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## Stormseed (Oct 7, 2008)

> I'm very much in debt to many of you



Everyone is in debt to everyone on this Board - Nobody has excelled 100% in excel 



> Nope - I did mean GIC, as mentioned in this article as the "Indian Reinsurer"


Aah ! I see...thank you again, Rory.


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## riaz (Oct 7, 2008)

Peter_SSs said:


> I've known drunken men to use lamp-posts for yet another purpose!



Care to shed some light on that, Peter?


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## Cindy Ellis (Oct 7, 2008)

I work for a large medical device company in new product engineering, with 4 main roles:

leading the software validation group
providing statistical analysis support for research protocols
providing Excel automation for data analysis
optimizing processes
...keeps me out of trouble


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## Long Nose (Oct 7, 2008)

I guess you're not going to believe that I'm an aging rock star and just hang out here when I'm tired of my groupie worshipers.  Remember that song, "Berne IN the USA?"

O.K. No. I'm not.  I'm the only financial analyst under two accountants here in the rural Midwest Indiana USA.  My company is a publisher of niche magazines, books, and kits.  We have our own photography studio where the models and sets are constantly setting up and tearing down.  Occasionally I'll walk down the hall to see what's happening in the studio, it always seems more exciting than my office.  I compile all the management reports, monthly cash flow reports, budgets, and ad hoc reports.  I'm here from 8:00 AM to 5-6 or when ever, but I only live 10 minutes away and am surrounded by nice Amish farms and neighbors.


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## TinaP (Oct 7, 2008)

Long Nose said:


> I'm here from 8:00 AM to 5-6 or when ever, but I only live 10 minutes away and am surrounded by nice Amish farms and neighbors.


 
Some of our branches are located in areas heavily populated by the Amish.  I so enjoy traveling to those branches and relaxing in the slower pace.  I usually take my time getting there and back, my usual excuse being, "I got caught behind a buggy."


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## schielrn (Oct 7, 2008)

I'm a bean counter for a distribution company.  Although I don't do much per se Accounting work that is what my Bachelor Degree is in.  I do more work with software development, programming and consulting work within our company that my Associate Degree in Computer Science is more applicable to what I do day in and day out.  Also the 7am-3pm hours make for a great day and plenty of free time in the evening for volleyball, softball, basketball, rock climbing, video games, cycling, skiing, 4-wheeling, paintball, backpacking and anything else that takes my interest.  Also do some tax work Dec through April for some extra cash to help fund these extracurricular activities.


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## Peter_SSs (Oct 8, 2008)

riaz said:


> Care to shed some light on that, Peter?


No, I'm sure everybody's imagination can think up something


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## DonkeyOte (Oct 8, 2008)

Well we do have the term in the UK of "beer goggles" but SURELY, a lamp-post ??!!  (even with soft lighting...edit: and beers)


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## Long Nose (Oct 8, 2008)

TinaP said:


> Some of our branches are located in areas heavily populated by the Amish.  I so enjoy traveling to those branches and relaxing in the slower pace.  I usually take my time getting there and back, my usual excuse being, "I got caught behind a buggy."



After 15 years in the rat race of the east coast, getting a little elbow room in the mid west is like heaven.  I've been in my country house for 1 year now.


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## Thorin (Oct 8, 2008)

I'm an accountant by trade, but have spent the last 2 years working full time on the companies computer replacement project, with another year to run. My job title is "Business Process Analyst" .

Wanted Business Process Ninja but they weren't keen .


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## Oaktree (Oct 8, 2008)

I just tcb. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lut8obdgu_k


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## hatman (Oct 8, 2008)

From 7:00am to 5:00pm I am Senior Test Engineer for Hamilton Sundstrand in Windsor Locks, CT, which is an aerospace engineering and manufacturing company.  basically, I write the test procedures that are used to demonstrate that our hardware meets the specification requirements before being accepted by NASA for shipment.  I get to break multi-million dollar pieces of hardware every day 

After I get home at 6:00, and on the weekends, I am a 3rd generation blueberry farmer in rural Three Rivers, MA.  On the whole, I make about 10 times less selling blueberries than I do testing space hardware, though it is much more rewarding in many ways.



Stormseed said:


> One small question in regards to the most common water purifier in India: how good is Aquaguard (from Eureka Forbes) as a home use filter and is it good enough to keep water borne diseases away ? Which filter according to you is the best for home use ?
> 
> Here in India, thousands of people die every week due to water borne diseases. I hope, I am not asking too much



Funny you should mention water filtration.  We are slated to launch our Water Processor Assembly for the Space Station next month.  It scrubs urine, wash water, and distillate on the space station to make potable drinking water.  It has also created a spinoff technology for rural locations.  I;m afraid that the technology is geared toward providing water for small towns, based on throughpt and cost (through other internal articles, I think a commercial system runs about 20K).  Here is an article that goes into more detail.

In addition to the water processor, I also work on the Oxygen Generator, for the space station.  That launched about 2 yers ago, and we have been running it on and off for over a year.  Actually, next week, we'll be turning it on again for a maintenance checkout.  It won't run full-time until the water processor is running to provide it with water.  For anyone who cares, here is a reasonably good article about the whole project... it was written when it was just coming off of the drawing board and starting to be built, but it catches the gist.


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## VoG (Oct 8, 2008)

Re the water filter, hatman. That looks great but it isn't going to catch on in the developing world. If they are lucky they have a well or stream and a bucket. That's all.


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## Domski (Oct 8, 2008)

Anyone working on a cheap and plentiful booze producer that filters your input and outputs you feeling chirpy and with it then next day?


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## Patience (Oct 10, 2008)

Well, now I have told my boss I can tell you guys - in a couple of months time I will be doing what I do in a different company - I have as of yesterday accepted a job with the college where I am doing my masters - so I will have no excuse not to go to the library now!

Woo hoo!


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## cornflakegirl (Oct 10, 2008)

Congratulations Bryony!


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## HalfAce (Oct 14, 2008)

I run power plants. (Diesel and hydro) Bringing plants on line & off line, moving load around, (etc.) all from a central location in the diesel plant. Essentially, I get to play the most intense computer game in town. (We are a stand alone system, (not on a grid) so if I win, nobody even knows I was playing. If I lose, everybody knows!)


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## F&s anaylst (Oct 14, 2008)

I'm a Forecasting and Scheduling anaylst for call centre also Real time management anaylst in past job- hence the name 

still learning excel i live by the title
"jack of all trades, master of none"

excel 03 and 07 xp/vista


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## DiscoPistol (Oct 15, 2008)

I work as an Excel (and sometime SQL) Developer for a small Automotive company called Aston Martin.

And no I don't get a company car and I can't get you a discount!


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## Jon von der Heyden (Oct 15, 2008)

I work as an analyst in shared services for a conglomerate.  I'll be going part time in January to pursue a career in consultancy...


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## Stormseed (Oct 15, 2008)

> for a small Automotive company called Aston Martin


 
I don't think Aston Martin is a *small* company by any means


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## Richard Schollar (Oct 15, 2008)

Hmm, seems I never stated what I did in previous posts (too intent on besmirching Rory's (cough! cough!) and Keith's good names ).

A chartered accountant by profession, I work in the Investments & Treasury team of a global insurerer (although i only deal with the UK bit).  I prepare commentary on the investment performance of the funds we manage and also prepare a lot of the Board papers and committee papers our senior management require.

What's really annoying is I don't get any time any more to do stuff with Excel in my job


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## Richard Schollar (Oct 15, 2008)

Stormseed said:


> I don't think Aston Martin is a *small* company by any means


 
Based on numbers of cars produced/sold I'd say it qualifies as small. Great brand though - sucks that DiscoPistol doesn't get a Company Car, but I'm sure he gets to drive the odd one though?


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## DiscoPistol (Oct 15, 2008)

RichardSchollar said:


> Based on numbers of cars produced/sold I'd say it qualifies as small. Great brand though - sucks that DiscoPistol doesn't get a Company Car, but I'm sure he gets to drive the odd one though?



We're still working on that one! They do have a number of 'Production' cars that can be 'Tested' over the weekend but first you have to justify that your job requires it.....Ideas on a Postcard!


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## Darren Bartrup (Oct 15, 2008)

DiscoPistol said:


> We're still working on that one! They do have a number of 'Production' cars that can be 'Tested' over the weekend but first you have to justify that your job requires it.....Ideas on a Postcard!



I heard somewhere that Excel can control a DB9.  Or was it an Access DB, can't really remember.  You better test it out anyway.
---------------

I work for one of the largest county councils in England doing lots of number crunching in Excel, building small databases in Access and trying to convince people that Excel isn't a database, that Access shouldn't be trusted for critical systems and that I can't write the 'god' program - i.e. we're going to give you a workbook in a different format with different everything in it, but can you write something that will just know what to do with the data.


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## riaz (Oct 15, 2008)

DiscoPistol said:


> first you have to justify that your job requires it.....Ideas on a Postcard!



You could say it is necessary to Bond with the company....


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## Stormseed (Oct 15, 2008)

Delmar D'Percy said:


> doing lots of number crunching in Excel, building small databases in Access and trying to convince people that Excel isn't a database, that Access shouldn't be trusted for critical systems and that I can't write the 'god' program - i.e. we're going to give you a workbook in a different format with different everything in it, but can you write something that will just know what to do with the data


 
Was that a job description or some kind of a riddle ?


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## Darren Bartrup (Oct 15, 2008)

Definitively a riddle.


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## Stormseed (Oct 15, 2008)

Delmar D'Percy said:


> Definitively a riddle


 
Well then I am yet to receive your workbook


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## DiscoPistol (Oct 15, 2008)

riaz said:


> You could say it is necessary to Bond with the company....



Don't even joke about it! Every time there is a problem on line they play the Bond theme. 

I'm losing my mind!


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## Stormseed (Oct 15, 2008)

DiscoPistol said:


> Every time there is a problem on line they play the Bond theme


 


@Riaz: kore khappe toh, uncle Riaz ?


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## MarkAndrews (Oct 15, 2008)

I work for a Computer Supplies firm as their "Inventory Analyst", monitoring stock levels, dead & excess stock etc, a recent change from my previous position of "Business Analyst" which was analysis of the opposite end of the business to what i am currently doing


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## onlyadrafter (Oct 15, 2008)

Domski said:


> Anyone working on a cheap and plentiful booze producer that filters your input and outputs you feeling chirpy and with it then next day?



Isn't that alcohol free lager?


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## Stormseed (Oct 15, 2008)

onlyadrafter said:


> Isn't that alcohol free lager?


 
Just like RedBull ?


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## Long Nose (Oct 15, 2008)

DiscoPistol said:


> Don't even joke about it! Every time there is a problem on line they play the Bond theme.
> 
> I'm losing my mind!



"The name is Pistol, Disco Pistol."

Your company is so much cooler than mine.  Now, I'm going to have company envy all day.


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## riaz (Oct 15, 2008)

DiscoPistol said:


> Don't even joke about it! Every time there is a problem on line they play the Bond theme.
> 
> I'm losing my mind!



Just reach for a cuppa of Brooke Bond


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## Nyanko (Oct 15, 2008)

I work in the HR department of the UK office of a global company, and it's my job to turn sheets of boring figures into something more exciting and user friendly !!!

For example - our payroll department run some spreadsheets that would make your eyes bleed and go through the most complex process to update formulas that haven't worked since the late nineties. It's my job to stop them spending half a day copying and pasting stuff from one sheet to another... for a start !

It's great in many ways because 
a) no one knows how I do what I do (it's just magic) 
b) I get given mini projects/problems to solve and therefore learn a bit more VBA in the process !
c) I can justify my mrexcel time as work research !

If I could only get my manager to realise the complexity of what I do then I'd be truely happy !


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## Stormseed (Oct 15, 2008)

> I can justify my mrexcel time as work research !



I would go with you on this point ! I am doing the same thing ! YO !!


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## DonkeyOte (Oct 15, 2008)

> Riaz: "Just reach for a cuppa of Brooke Bond "



Oh my... that's b-a-d !

Nyanko -- the one thing I learnt from helping out the HR dept in my old place was that no-one in HR could agree with the Directors on how to calculate turnover !


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## cornflakegirl (Oct 15, 2008)

Luke - why were the directors and HR in charge of calculating turnover?


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## Richard Schollar (Oct 15, 2008)

I expect bonuses got paid out based on some turnover numbers


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## zmorley77 (Oct 15, 2008)

I'm a Operations Analyst for a Healthcare Company.


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## riaz (Oct 15, 2008)

lasw10 said:


> Oh my... that's b-a-d !


Would Essex people Basildon Bond?  Or is that only on paper?



RichardSchollar said:


> I expect bonuses got paid out based on some turnover numbers



Bonuses for people who make iPods and Macs depend on Apple turnover.  Everyone gets a slice of the pie.


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## TinaP (Oct 15, 2008)

riaz said:


> Bonuses for people who make iPods and Macs depend on Apple turnover. Everyone gets a slice of the pie.


 
Get thee to a punnery!


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## DonkeyOte (Oct 15, 2008)

Employee turnover... I was amazed/impressed/disconcerted at just how many different ways people were calculating this figure... I think in part it depended on to whom the numbers were being presented and in which context!

Riaz... superb !

Richard how strange it is that as a City boy you immediately thought of bonuses...


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## mike21mcd (Oct 15, 2008)

I managed a Fixed income Security portfolio for a bank for the last few years, but have recently switched to doing Asset / Liability management.  Basically managing the balance sheet and interest rate risk for the bank.


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## Stormseed (Oct 15, 2008)

It is very interesting to know members from different parts of the world visiting MrExcel and posting in this thread | I am seeing most of them for the first time here on the board and the fact is they were here even before us but never showed themselves until today !! Nice going


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## HalfAce (Oct 15, 2008)

Well, I see some folks posting their work hours as well as the job. Far as I can tell the only hours that beat my schedule would be achieved through retirement. (Which is only about 5 more years away!  )
Until then it's 6AM to 2PM, Monday through Friday. And considering most of what I do is monitor our scada system to make sure it's doing all the work (just like we designed it to), it's a pretty good gig!

I also get asked to do whatever anyone wants done in Excel (and they're catching on to what all it can do!!!) so no one is bothered at all about my time spent on the board here. And they have no idea what I do to make things work, they just think it's magic. (Every once in a while I'll throw in something really mind boggling just to keep up the illusion.)


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## Nyanko (Oct 16, 2008)

lasw10 said:


> Nyanko -- the one thing I learnt from helping out the HR dept in my old place was that no-one in HR could agree with the Directors on how to calculate turnover !



Too true... turnover and holiday entitlement - guarenteed to make everyone in the office look super busy. No one has any clue about either !!



HalfAce said:


> And they have no idea what I do to make things work, they just think it's magic. (Every once in a while I'll throw in something really mind boggling just to keep up the illusion.)



*grin* gotta keep up the razzel dazzel. I also give longer deadlines on purpose if something look complicated .... but always manage to get it completed before then and save the day :D


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## Stormseed (Oct 16, 2008)

> WARNING - Pregnancy and complexity do not mix. Any randomness or stupidity is the fault of the hormones... honest !!


 
Nyanko, your signature seems to be very interesting but I am finding it a bit hard to understand it properly. Could you please help me with that ?  

Sorry for being dumb (my english is not very good).


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## Nyanko (Oct 16, 2008)

Stormseed said:


> Nyanko, your signature seems to be very interesting but I am finding it a bit hard to understand it properly. Could you please help me with that ?
> 
> Sorry for being dumb (my english is not very good).



I'm currently 6 months pregnant and sometimes get a bit stupid with simple questions, never mind the complex stuff. So if I post dumb stuff don't blame me - blame the hormones :D


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## cornflakegirl (Oct 16, 2008)

Preggy brain is a well-known condition. One of my colleagues got pregnant a couple of months after me, and thought I was just making excuses about why I was forgetting things, until it hit her too!


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## DonkeyOte (Oct 16, 2008)

"Preggy Brain" is a very real and puzzling condition... 

Moreover beware the "Preggy Chair" in your office... in under two years the "Preggy Chair" in my office cast it's spell THREE times... as a colleague the "Preggy Brain" can be difficult to deal with and can result in more work fixing the work of those affected therefore if you ever find such a chair in your office be sure to dispose of it promptly (and covertly) so as to avoid any extra work coming your way! (just don't tell the girls you've moved it / gotten rid of it)

("Preggy Chair" aka "The Duff Chair" for obvious reasons (in the UK))


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## cornflakegirl (Oct 16, 2008)

Luke, I don't know how to break this to you... sometimes when Mummies and Daddies are feeling very loving they have a special cuddle...


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## DonkeyOte (Oct 16, 2008)

Define "cuddle"...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/7673046.stm

I think these guys would prefer it if "cuddling" was not deemed to be "all inclusive"...


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## cornflakegirl (Oct 16, 2008)

I'm completely bemused by this case. Anyone got some teenagers who could give them lessons on how to have illicit sex without getting caught?


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## HalfAce (Oct 16, 2008)

> I also give longer deadlines on purpose if something look complicated .... but always manage to get it completed before then and save the day



I have a couple once a year processes that in the beginning took about 3 months to do manually. I have since automated them (with tons of vba) so that now I can do them in about 3 _hours_. The good part? The folks I do it for (not my employer by the way - and I'm not getting paid any extra for it...) don't know it's been automated! So when I present it a good week or so ahead of "schedule" they think it's just great! 





> Sorry for being dumb (my english is not very good).


And Stormseed, Sorry??? Please! You're speaking more than one language! That's more than most of us self absorbed Americans ever learn to do. My "better half" speaks 4 languages and often apologizes for her English. I just stare and shake my head in awe.


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## riaz (Oct 16, 2008)

lasw10 said:


> Define "cuddle"...
> 
> I think these guys would prefer it if "cuddling" was not deemed to be "all inclusive"...



The way it went sour on them, I think it was more a case of "curdling".


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## cornflakegirl (Oct 16, 2008)

:tumbleweed:


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## hatman (Oct 16, 2008)

cornflakegirl said:


> Preggy brain is a well-known condition. One of my colleagues got pregnant a couple of months after me, and thought I was just making excuses about why I was forgetting things, until it hit her too!



My wife and I use her drop in IQ while pregnant as a gauge of how smart the child she is carrying will be.  It's very common, when she says or does something stupid while pregnant, for one of us to make a crack about how many brain cells the unborn child is siphoning off.


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## RichardS (Oct 16, 2008)

lasw10 said:


> ...Moreover beware the "Preggy Chair" in your office... in under two years the "Preggy Chair" in my office cast it's spell THREE times



Had exactly the same issue when I was newly appointed dept head here 15 years ago. Managing replacements, negotiating returns to work etc, absolute nightmare. And seriously, they all used the same chair!! 

I'm in business intelligence and finance in a public hospital. Maintain payroll and finance systems, manage integration of data between said systems and others, develop reporting tools etc. I use Excel extensively to tidy up and analyse raw, ugly data from other systems.


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## Stormseed (Oct 16, 2008)

> And Stormseed, Sorry??? Please! You're speaking more than one language! That's more than most of us self absorbed Americans ever learn to do. My "better half" speaks 4 languages and often apologizes for her English. I just stare and shake my head in awe



Yeah, I know. I speak, write and understand around 5 languages but I am here on a pure English discussion board where no other language is allowed. Very often I do not understand the words that you guys use and hence my apologies. Sorry again


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## Stormseed (Oct 16, 2008)

Nyanko said:


> I'm currently 6 months pregnant and sometimes get a bit stupid with simple questions, never mind the complex stuff. So if I post dumb stuff don't blame me - blame the hormones :D



thank you, Nyanko.


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## VoG (Oct 17, 2008)

Stormseed said:


> Yeah, I know. I speak, write and understand around 5 languages



Crikey! I struggle with English and VBA


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## Richard Schollar (Oct 17, 2008)

I speak 2 other languages in addition to English:  I'm completely fluent in both gibberish and utter rubbish!


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## Domski (Oct 17, 2008)

VoG II said:


> Crikey! I struggle with English and VBA


 

I wouldn't worry too much, the way "txt spk" is invading pretty much everything we do these days it won't be long before it's only people from outside the UK who speak English correctly .

I was having a discussion with a kid on a Facebook board the other day. He was a grammar school kid who obviously wasn't daft but couldn't understand why I had a problem with the way he wrote his posts.

It honestly must have taken him longer to come up with all the variations on writing the same word three different ways in one paragraph than it would have done to use proper spelling and grammar, and it definitely took far longer to read and understand. My grammar and spelling are far from perfect but it really bothers me that kids just don't seem to think it matters these days.

I'll stop now, rant over!!!

Edit: I can get by in French too but would love to know what it actually sounds like as I never learnt it properly and just picked it up from many summer holidays there as a kid.

Dom


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## Jon von der Heyden (Oct 17, 2008)

RichardSchollar said:


> I speak 2 other languages in addition to English:  I'm completely fluent in both gibberish and utter rubbish!



I can confirm this is only too true!


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## Peter_SSs (Oct 17, 2008)

Jon von der Heyden said:


> I can confirm this is only too true!


I agree two of them are definitely true, ... but are you sure about the English?


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## Stormseed (Oct 17, 2008)

Can anyone *shed some light* on how many times essentially, this particular thread has been hijacked from its original question / topic ?


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## riaz (Oct 17, 2008)

Stormseed said:


> Can anyone *shed some light* on how many times essentially, this particular thread has been hijacked from its original question / topic ?





Peter_SSs said:


> No, I'm sure everybody's imagination can think up something



We've already had a refusal on this thread to shed any light.  You'll have to carry your own torch.


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## hatman (Oct 17, 2008)

riaz said:


> We've already had a refusal on this thread to shed any light.  You'll have to carry your own torch.



Remember: the light at the end of the tunnel may be you.


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## Stormseed (Oct 17, 2008)

> We've already had a refusal on this thread to shed any light.  You'll have to carry your own torch



Mr. Riaz, please do not emphasize on the word "We" - I would appreciate if you can talk only about yourself


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## riaz (Oct 17, 2008)

Stormseed said:


> Mr. Riaz, please do not emphasize on the word "We" - I would appreciate if you can talk only about yourself



"We" as in all of us in this thread OR "We" as in the Royal "We".  Take your pick.


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