# You know you are an Excel guru when ....



## MrExcel

Everyone did such a great job with the t-shirt and mug query, please post your ideas about the best end to this phrase. As usual, if your saying ends up on a shirt or mug, you get one as a prize.

You know you are an Excel guru when ....


Thanks

Bill


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## Corticus

You know you are an Excel guru when .... 

1. The only Bible you know is by some guy name "Walkenbach"
2. You start receiving viruses from support@microsoft.com
3. You write "sexy formulae"
4. Microsoft starts sending _you_ clients
5. You do more "nesting" than your pregnant wife
6. You're T-shirt says so!

Cool variation on "You know you're a redneck if..."!

Of course, a little harder, I guess I know more rednecks than Excel gurus...


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## AJ

You don't send invitations anymore, you Declare Functions.


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## TommyGun

1.  You get fired for browsing MrExcel.com all day at work.    
2.  You'd rather code than sleep.
3.  You decide if you're hungry with a formula....


		Code:
__


=IF(Hunger<=10,"Not ready to eat yet.",IF(Hunger<=15,"I'm pretty hungry.",IF(Hunger<=20,"I'm starving.",IF(Hunger>20,"Where's the cat!"))))

4.  You know what all this means.

<font face=Courier New><SPAN style="color:#00007F">Private</SPAN> <SPAN style="color:#00007F">Sub</SPAN> UserForm_BeforeDropOrPaste(<SPAN style="color:#00007F">ByVal</SPAN> Cancel <SPAN style="color:#00007F">As</SPAN> MSForms.ReturnBoolean, <SPAN style="color:#00007F">ByVal</SPAN> Control <SPAN style="color:#00007F">As</SPAN> MSForms.Control, <SPAN style="color:#00007F">ByVal</SPAN> Action <SPAN style="color:#00007F">As</SPAN> <SPAN style="color:#00007F">Long</SPAN>, <SPAN style="color:#00007F">ByVal</SPAN> Data <SPAN style="color:#00007F">As</SPAN> MSForms.DataObject, <SPAN style="color:#00007F">ByVal</SPAN> X <SPAN style="color:#00007F">As</SPAN> <SPAN style="color:#00007F">Single</SPAN>, <SPAN style="color:#00007F">ByVal</SPAN> Y <SPAN style="color:#00007F">As</SPAN> <SPAN style="color:#00007F">Single</SPAN>, <SPAN style="color:#00007F">ByVal</SPAN> Effect <SPAN style="color:#00007F">As</SPAN> MSForms.ReturnEffect, <SPAN style="color:#00007F">ByVal</SPAN> Shift <SPAN style="color:#00007F">As</SPAN> <SPAN style="color:#00007F">Integer</SPAN>)</FONT>


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## lenze

You company's IT Help Desk has your number on Speed Dial


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## TommyGun

lenze said:
			
		

> You company's IT Help Desk has your number on Speed Dial



OMG!!!  Do we work at the same company!


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## Aaron Blood

AJ said:
			
		

> You don't send invitations anymore, you Declare Functions.



I like this one.   
but drop the "anymore"


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## TommyGun

You are a member of VBA (Visual Basic's Anonymous)

*Hi, my name's Tommy, and I'm an addict.* 

SUMPRODUCT is the answer to all problems.


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## Egress1

lenze said:
			
		

> You company's IT Help Desk has your number on Speed Dial



Ack no doubt!  True story... a few weeks ago I was asked to explain to our Corp Help Desk How -THEIR- program works in "Plain English"

Things that make you go "hmmmm"


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## PaddyD

"few weeks ago I was asked to explain to our Corp Help Desk How -THEIR- program works in "Plain English" "

Something like "Patently I a way too complicated for you dumb f*@#s to grasp", I assume


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## Mark O'Brien

TommyGun said:
			
		

> *Hi, my name's Tommy, and I'm an addict.*



Does that mean your title can be "Board Addict" since you're no longer in denial?


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## AJ

Here's a couple more (getting really lame now!)

1. You refer to your lunch as a Private Sub

2. Your alarm clock has an Application.DisplayAlerts button

3. You refer to tying shoelaces as concatenating strings

4. Links isn't golf


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## Bruno_x

1. I've recieved that T-shirt.

2. You do your job EXCELlent

3. Other people start calling you MrExcel    

4. You think that excel is MOAA  (the mother of all answers)


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## TommyGun

Mark O'Brien said:
			
		

> TommyGun said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *Hi, my name's Tommy, and I'm an addict.*
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Does that mean your title can be "Board Addict" since you're no longer in denial?
Click to expand...


It honestly doesn't matter to me what my board title is, I think people will make up their own title for me...  

But, if it wasn't board addict, then were would I get all this cheap one-liners from???   

EDIT:  Didn't even realize it had been changed.  The one star is kinda cool.  Reminds me of elementary school.


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## Aaron Blood

You begin setting traps to rid yourself of the local MOUS.


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## Legacy 12630

....... You write a best seller called "How Excel can improve your sex life"

(Or perhaps : "How Excel helped me to stop masturbating")

Personally, I think that if Microsoft were to adopt this sort of advertising campaign, they would see some considerable improvement in sales.


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## XL-Dennis

Ponsonby said:
			
		

> ....... You write a best seller called "How Excel can improve your sex life"



      

...when Your bank ask You kindly when You can help them with all the counting...


Kind regards,
Dennis


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## Legacy 12630

XL-Dennis said:
			
		

> Ponsonby said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ....... You write a best seller called "How Excel can improve your sex life"
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...when Your bank ask You kindly when You can help them with all the counting...
> 
> 
> Kind regards,
> Dennis
Click to expand...


Conveys urgent need to switch bankers (no XL knowledge required).


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## Todd Bardoni

If you think being an Excel guru is cool then you're probably an Excel guru.

If you have balls enough to call yourself an Excel guru then you're probably an Excel guru.

If you play with Excel for recreation you're probably an Excel guru.



Ok, these are by far not the funniest, but it's 9 in the morning and I'm at work...


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## shades

you spend time writing one liners about being an Excel guru. 

:D


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## Egress1

When you write code in your sleep you MAY be an Excel Guru

When you change your method of coding from Modular to Zen 

When your coworkers give up trying to understand your self mutterings

When you offer up ten different solutions to fix a single problem

When asked to build wagon you produce a Cadillac

When tasked to write a "Difficult" program an hour later you try to figure out what you're going to do with the rest of your work week.


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## TommyGun

When your girlfriend writes...*Private Function Satisfaction(byval SweetSpot as Variant) as Long*...on her body to get your attention, then you might be an Excel guru.

***Sorry, but I'm feeling a little frisky this morning***


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## NateO

TommyGun said:
			
		

> When your girlfriend writes...*Private Function Satisfaction(byval SweetSpot as Variant) as Long*...on her body to get your attention, then you might be an Excel guru.



Does this make one a guru, or the girlfriend clever?   

In any case, wouldn't variant be _object?_  You might be guru if you told her it's more efficient to opt for the early bind versus the late bind.


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## TommyGun

No, when it comes to my experience, SweetSpot always acts as a *variant*!  I can never find the **** thing!!!      J/K


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## Bruno_x

When you live in the nice little village of eksel - belgium   :wink: 
http://www.mrexcel.com/board2/viewtopic.php?t=28169

No, in that case you're obviously an addict...


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## just_jon

TommyGun said:
			
		

> No, when it comes to my experience, SweetSpot always acts as a *variant*!  I can never find the **** thing!!!      J/K



Well, it *is* the Object of your affections!


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## Juan Pablo González

just_jon said:
			
		

> Well, it *is* the Object of your affections!



But who says that an Object can't be a Variant ?


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## NateO

Juan Pablo González said:
			
		

> But who says that an Object can't be a Variant ?



Right, or the variant is an object?   

Best to use typename and typeof:



			
				Nathan Oliver said:
			
		

> Sub VarOuObj()
> Dim y As Variant
> Set y = CreateObject("WScript.Shell")
> MsgBox TypeName
> MsgBox TypeOf y Is Object
> Set y = Nothing
> End Sub


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## Mark O'Brien

Re: You know you are an Excel guru when .... you restructure a reply to this thread after arguing about the semantics of the joke.


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## TommyGun

Mark O'Brien said:
			
		

> Re: You know you are an Excel guru when .... you restructure a reply to this thread after arguing about the semantics of the joke.



I AGREE!!!


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## DonkeyOte

your IT department say (literally)

"thank f~@k we've finally got someone who understands VBA"

You think

"why the f@~k am I working here? I want to be a consultant!"

You think

"everything is possible"

They think

"give him the data, he'll do it - he LIKES doing it - loser!"

You think

"if objects aren't involved, it's not a challenge!"


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## Barry Katcher

Two years ago, I couldn't even spell Xcell Gooroo.  Now I are one.


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## bjwillingham

A peer you worked with 5 years before, now a CFO calls you out of the blue.  You're thinking "He's going to offer me a job.", but then he asks "If you have multiple spreadsheets you need to consolidate......"


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## Sourdust

*This shows how bad the lot I work for are if I am thought of as an Excel guru, but: 

When your boss doesn't want you to use Excel too much because if you aren't there nobody else can pick up your work (even when it's automated  ) *


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## Todd Bardoni

Sourdust said:
			
		

> *When your boss doesn't want you to use Excel too much because if you aren't there nobody else can pick up your work (even when it's automated  ) *



So true...so true...   Especially the automated part.


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## masim

..when you can handle "excel-has-generated-errors-and-will-be-shut-down-sort-of-errors"


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## Sourdust

_*They are easy to deal with Masim. One computer and one open window and problem solved*_


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## David_Sousa

You have run out of Alphabet keys to assign macros to...

people who work in Excel every day look at your menu and toolbar setup and ask "What program is this?"

You can start your CD Player, your coffee maker, your shower, and your car with a VBA macro: ON_WAKEUP Sub()...

You spend 30 minutes writing a macro to do something that would take you 10 seconds to do by hand.


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## Bruno_x

David_Sousa said:
			
		

> You have run out of Alphabet keys to assign macros to...
> 
> people who work in Excel every day look at your menu and toolbar setup and ask "What program is this?"
> 
> You can start your CD Player, your coffee maker, your shower, and your car with a VBA macro: ON_WAKEUP Sub()...
> 
> You spend 30 minutes writing a macro to do something that would take you 10 seconds to do by hand.



Hi David, welcome to the board.

I recognize some of your remarks...


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## P Sitaram

You call the menu a `spread'sheet.

You are put in charge of Admin, as you write xllent Procedures.

You are designated VP-`Cells'


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## P Sitaram

A few more:

MS Excel Team has your mug on its mugs.

Enron asks you to prepare its financial reports.

Your son: 2+2=?; You (smiling): you mean, =2+2?


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## earlyd

You once tried to do a resume on an Excel sheet


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## Todd Bardoni

earlyd said:
			
		

> You once tried to do a resume on an Excel sheet



Now that's **** funny.


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## Barrie Davidson

Ponsonby said:
			
		

> (Or perhaps : "How Excel helped me to stop masturbating")



  

Good one!

BD


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## Iridium

You spend your free evening sitting in front of a PC refreshing an xl help mesage board offering advice on xl instead of going out drinking and shagging!


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## Wayne L.

> *Originally posted by earlyd:*
> You once tried to do a resume on an Excel sheet



..."tried"?!    

What else _is_ there to do a resume on?   :wink: 

(Workbook_Open(), cells changing colors, text changing colors, columns and rows resizing, scrolling text, text bouncing around from cell to cell, the "animation" as we move from worksheet to worksheet, culminating with "Where the heck did my menu go? What's this? 'Hire him?'?" *click* "'Yes' 'No'?" *go ahead ... i dare you to click on the "No" .... *)


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## svmac

The car I drive is a Hyundai EXCEL. :wink:


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## Ken Puls

... you chart ovulation dates to get your wife pregnant


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## svmac

> you chart ovulation dates to get your wife pregnant



I much prefer the old fashioned way...


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## just_jon

rig





			
				svmac said:
			
		

> you chart ovulation dates to get your wife pregnant
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I much prefer the old fashioned way...
Click to expand...


...when you can *rig* that chart to show her that every day's the right day.


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## Ken Puls

> ...when you can rig that chart to show her that every day's the right day.



Touche!


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## earlyd

You get promoted to the Manager of Column B


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## shades

Don't you mean "Named Manager of Column B"?


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## Texas Longhorn

When you start every sentence, "To use a method recommended by Aladin Akyurek,..."


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## Joe4

You wonder why ALL Microsoft products can't be more like Excel, especially that bastard child called "Microsoft Word"!!!

Excel=  

Word=


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## Zack Barresse

you know when you are an excel guru when ...

... even your _competition_ calls you up for advice.   

... your co-workers have to _find _problems for you to solve.  

... you see your work quoted as a solution at MrExcel.com.   

... you no longer rely on the macro recorder to start a routine!   

... you'd rather type a memo in excel, rather than word.   

... your favorite motto is, "we can do anything in excel!"


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## Todd Bardoni

You know you're an Excel guru when you know that instructing someone to use the construct:-

=if(isna(vlookupformula),0,vlookupformula)

will get you yelled at by Aladin.


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## RichardS

... or *1 instead of -- to convert a text number to a real number


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## TheBuGz

some assumptions are based on Realities and Factuals


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## jeh

When you think the chart looks sexy between the sheets.


When you think a paintbrush is for formatting, and nothing more!


When you reach for the control + Z when you said something you shouldn't have.


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## bill

AJ said:
			
		

> Here's a couple more (getting really lame now!)
> 
> 3. You refer to tying shoelaces as concatenating strings



Lame?  No way!!


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## bill

psitaram said:
			
		

> A few more:
> Your son: 2+2=?; You (smiling): you mean, =2+2?


OMG, you had me rolling on tha one!!


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## Tazguy37

firefytr said:
			
		

> you know when you are an excel guru when ...
> ... you no longer rely on the macro recorder to start a routine!



I remember those days....



			
				firefytr said:
			
		

> ... your favorite motto is, "we can do anything in excel!"



That would be...me.  :D


You know when you are an excel guru when ...

... you use an Excel macro to open another application with the Shell() function instead of just double-clicking the shortcut.    

... you read your email in Excel.


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## malcom

when you cant take it watching people doing things manually....

you believe "there is always a better way"....

when you write code, you type faster than a typist....

any problem encountered, "it has to be done in excel"

"my job starting tomorrow is click a button and wait"

your boss is afraid coz there might be something hidden in your program to control his PC...

the menus, buttons, titles, captions, shortcuts are related to your name..


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## colcol

Who needs MS Word to write a letter, especially when you have Excel...

Come on, are there really other programs out there other than Excel?  Why?

Alan


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## Smitty

> Come on, are there really other programs out there other than Excel?


Umm, Access?

Smitty


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## colcol

Not having taken that much needed step from spreadsheets (actually the courage) I almost lost my head... Yes...Access...

Alan


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## schwede

... every conversation you have with anyone ends with them saying: "I really should learn this macro-stuff."


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## Tazguy37

pennysaver said:
			
		

> Come on, are there really other programs out there other than Excel?
> 
> 
> 
> Umm, Access?
> 
> Smitty
Click to expand...


Why use Access when you can make a db in Excel that can handle 60,000 records without modifying the data (and more, with some creative manipulation...if you don't have a *lot* of fields)?


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## sullyman4

You know your an Excel Guru when you understand the what wa said in prior posts.........leaves me out


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## enduser0001

You know when you are an excel guru when ... 
You get a phone call at 4:55 P.M. on a Friday from some manager in another market asking for some God forsaken report about who know's what, and after completing this report and emailing it back, you are still out the door at 4:59.

You know when you are an excel guru when ...
Your boss asks you to work on a particular problem and by the time you chew it up in Excel and send it back to him, he blankly gazes upon all of the lines of data and formulas you have added.  At this point he is so overwhelmed and confused it doesn't matter what the data outcome is because he can't rceall what it was exactly that he asked you for in the first place.


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## Tazguy37

malcom said:
			
		

> when you cant take it watching people doing things manually....



  Me!  I can't even begin to count the number of times I've wanted to grab the keyboard from somebody and just say "Move *over!*"


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## Norie

You know when you are an Access/Excel guru(geek?) when you look at code created in Excel by a Business Analyst (£350 p/day) that analyses 12000 lines of data and takes 2 days, and then export it to Access and run a query that takes 5 seconds.

And then you take apart/clean up the code(all those uneccesary loops/selects) and make it run in Excel in not much longer than 5 seconds.

And you forget to ask for a raise.


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## tactps

When you:
- Get excited by the next version of Excel having more rows!
- Think it's funny to point and tell users "press that key", and, when they do, you yell "NO, NOT THAT KEY!"


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## tactps

And when you read through 8 pages on this topic, like I did!


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## tactps

And when you start writing macros that speak (or should that be email?)


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## tactps

When you think this is funny:
Private Sub Worksheet_Change(ByVal Target As Range)
If Target = 7 Then Target = 4
End Sub

or this:
msgbox("Hit any user to continue")

or this:
"Step away from the keyboard and keep your hands where I can see them!"

(I'll stop now)


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## Barry Katcher

When you keep coming back to this thread, years after it was started, and still think it's funny.


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## Tazguy37

tactps said:
			
		

> When you think this is funny:
> Private Sub Worksheet_Change(ByVal Target As Range)
> If Target = 7 Then Target = 4
> End Sub



   

I would LOVE to try that one out on some of my coworkers!


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## tactps

> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Originally posted by tactps:
> When you think this is funny:
> Private Sub Worksheet_Change(ByVal Target As Range)
> If Target = 7 Then Target = 4
> End Sub
> 
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> I would LOVE to try that one out on some of my coworkers!



I have - and it was very funny!!!!  

I also had one that used speech to tell the employee that they were x minutes late for work and that payroll and the managing director had been informed by email (I had planned to also put an email in their sent folder - but never had the guts) as a workbook_open event.  

I guess I should stop before someone takes me seriously, freaks out and resigns!  

or maybe not.....


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## Smitty

> or maybe not.....


Like CBrine says: "A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste!"   

Smitty


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## Greg Truby

...when you see this...<font face=Courier New>

<SPAN style="color:#00007F">Private</SPAN> <SPAN style="color:#00007F">Sub</SPAN> Worksheet_Change(<SPAN style="color:#00007F">ByVal</SPAN> Target <SPAN style="color:#00007F">As</SPAN> Range)
    <SPAN style="color:#00007F">If</SPAN> Target = 7 <SPAN style="color:#00007F">Then</SPAN> Target = 4
<SPAN style="color:#00007F">End</SPAN> <SPAN style="color:#00007F">Sub</SPAN>
</FONT>
and the first thing that pops into your head is _"he forgot to toggle Application.EnableEvents off and back on"_ instead of _"oh, that *would* be funny"._


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## NateO

That's what I thought.   

Then there's copying and pasting multi-cell ranges (Type Mismatch error)...   

How about:

_... you get the 'Jerry Maguire'_:

I was explaining to a colleague why they don't want to use a '+' operator in an and-type conditional sum with Sumproduct. Just as I was getting warmed up, he said "Nate, please stop; you had me at *".


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## Greg Truby

NateO said:
			
		

> ...the 'Jerry Maguire'...


Sorta.  I took tips from Walkenbach's _Excel Charts_ book and mixed them with a couple of separate chart ideas from Jon Peltier's site, and made a humdinger of a chart (sort of a histogram + waterfall + three-charts-in-one kind of thing) which I thought did a *******jack job of explaining the data succinctly.  Only to have my boss tell me he preferred the simple plain-vanilla stacked-column chart that I'd tossed together in 30 seconds as a backup.  The "glass-half-full" POV would be that I did learn something new!


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## Tazguy37

Greg Truby said:
			
		

> ...when you see this...<font face=Courier New>
> 
> <SPAN style="color:#00007F">Private</SPAN> <SPAN style="color:#00007F">Sub</SPAN> Worksheet_Change(<SPAN style="color:#00007F">ByVal</SPAN> Target <SPAN style="color:#00007F">As</SPAN> Range)
> <SPAN style="color:#00007F">If</SPAN> Target = 7 <SPAN style="color:#00007F">Then</SPAN> Target = 4
> <SPAN style="color:#00007F">End</SPAN> <SPAN style="color:#00007F">Sub</SPAN>
> </FONT>
> and the first thing that pops into your head is _"he forgot to toggle Application.EnableEvents off and back on"_ instead of _"oh, that *would* be funny"._



That's the very first thing I do when I write event code .  I probably should stop that; could get me into trouble.


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## tactps

> ...when you see this...
> 
> Private Sub Worksheet_Change(ByVal Target As Range)
> If Target = 7 Then Target = 4
> End Sub
> 
> and the first thing that pops into your head is "he forgot to toggle Application.EnableEvents off and back on" instead of "oh, that would be funny".



Oh, Greg - that's just sad   :wink:


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## Tazguy37

When you know all the shortcut keys by heart.

In a related area:  When you know all the shortcut keys for the Windows calculator.  Example:  "Y" is the shortcut key for x^y, which I used to calculate 2^20 (the supposed new number of rows in Excel 12).  I was curious how that number rounds to 1.1 million, actually.

Anyone?


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## Greg Truby

Tazguy37 said:
			
		

> I was curious how that number rounds to 1.1 million, actually.


Floating point error?


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## NBVC

...when you can't think of a good one because all the good ones are taken.


...when you set the Mr.Excel.com forum as your home page of your browser


....when you're fighting over who's gets to give the best answer to the OPs questions.

....when you find yourself staying up all night to answer forum questions.

...when you log out of the Mr.Excel forum only to find yourself logging right back in seconds later  

....when you find yourself going back to spreadsheets you created ages ago to change the formulas according to the new things you learned in this forum and get pleasure from seeing them work so nicely.

...when your coworker says "step away from the computer" after seeing you taking a fit over a formula not working right.


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## TheBuGz

You know you are an Excel guru when......
 a new book named TheBuGs in Ms Excel by Jazib Iqbal aka TheBuGz and Bill Jelen aka Mr Excel is in the Market


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## almouchie

lenze said:
			
		

> You company's IT Help Desk has your number on Speed Dial



i like that a lot
at my work they call me the formula wizard & I am no more than a little above average 
its when i log on here that i am amazed & eager to learn & know more

it starting to get me more interested in learning VBA & macro

can any1 recommend the best VBA books for beginner & intermeidate & advanced level

a big thanks to every1 who help on this forum & those who answer us the beginners


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## Smitty

First would be VBA & Macros for Excel by Mr Excel (aka Bill Jelen.

My favorite is EXCEL 2003 POWER PROGRAMMING WITH VBA by John Walkenbach.

Hope that helps,

Smitty


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## gingerafro

You hate it when someone uses the phrase "...and/or..." in a sentence and you have to point out that you only need to use 'or'.


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## ktab

Your special order handmade bass guitar has: x as string, z as string, y as string, w as string (and of course strip as LONG cause you know your great and it  has to fit you somehow, right?)
It's a bass guitar cause you know you're the bas(i)s at work so your collegues can rock 'n roll


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## Felix Atagong

The day Ikea sells a Pivøt Table, you'll immediately buy one.


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## erik.van.geit

when you define a kilometer as 65536 rows of 0,6 inch


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## whiteghost

Felix can you provide a schemeatic of Ikea's pivot table?


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## Felix Atagong

> Felix can you provide a schemeatic of Ikea's pivot table?


Sorry, I don't speak Swedish and those plans are still top secret! But apparently it is like a Rubik cube with removable feet.


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## Excel Hopeful

When you find this tread and understand most of it.

When some new guy starts at your job and calls himself and Excel expert because he know how to use the Macro Record button. 

When all you want to do is work in VBA. 

When your boss who doesn't think much of you, is completely amazed by work he never knew you could do. 

When you think:

Your son 2+2=;(you, smiling)=2+2 

&

You create vba for 30 minutes when you could have done it manually by hand for 10 seconds.

Is extremly funny.


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## Jackblack1

*You know your a guru....*

You know your a guru.... 

1) When your replies to every is you should alway Excel.
2) When on tuesdays you mistakenly call it macroni night.
3) When everyones looking at you weird and your looking at them weird.
4) when your code functions better than you function!


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## cyote101

You know your an excel Guru when your shirt says 

1.Enable Macros
2.Update Links
3.fullscreen
4. you stand up all week at kiosk in a mall creating a spreadsheet for friend your visiting andevenafter he turns in for the day you keep going til 2:00 in the morning.


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## BGrunt73

when the word "Guru" appears on your resume.


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## Oaktree

...Someone asks you how to sum only certain cells in a column and your _*first*_ thought is how to write an elaborate combination of SUMPRODUCT, MOD, ROW, etc. to accomplish that.  

Turns out s/he just meant =sum(select first range, hold CTRL and select second range, hold CTRL and select third range)

Or worse, =A1+A3+A5


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## jetson

You know you're an excel guru when...you sheet cells.

Pardon the profanity!


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## Zack Barresse

ROFLMFAO!!!  Hilarious jetson!!!


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## shiv_379

You know you're an excel Guru when-

-You find yourself going through excel tutorials with a higlighter and a red pen muttering to yourself  "That's bad practice" "This would be better this way" "FOOLS!"
-You have to hold back violent urges when your collegues send you yet another piece of code riddled with select statments and ask you why it's running so slowly
-You have written your own addin that automatically applies all the techniques you've picked up to reduce file size bloat
-You opened an excel file in notepad just to see what it looks like
-You got so fed up with no one else using excel properly that you started your own internal company "Excel newsletter"
-You get more "how do I do this in Excel" calls than calls relating to your actual job
-You have ever named a sub any of: routine, marine, or way.
-You know about tools and features of Excel that no one else in the company seems to have heard of and often get asked "How on earth did you do that?"
-You have figured out a way to handle all navigational "buttons" on your workbook with the same single line of code.
-You remember the numbers 256 and 65536 at a seconds notice, but can't remember your lover's birthday. 
-You wrote an addin that scheduled a msgbox to remind you of your lover's birthday
-You don't write .End(xlDown) anymore but use .End(-4121) just to confuse people
-You've hit known excel bugs a number of times and keep a note of the important ones on your desk

Hope you like 
~Shiv


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## AndrewKent

...Chuck Norris asks you for Excel tips.


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## hatman

You spend more time answerring questions on MrExcel.com than you spend creating Excel Applications.


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## fredward2

All the 20's or 30''s something engineers in your company come to you to write a macro.


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## BGrunt73

Your a summer intern at your company and you have people comming up to you asking if you can teach them about excel before you go back to school.


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## Todd Bardoni

You spend hours staring at the wonderful formula you just wrote while thinking to yourself, "I think this is how Aladin would have done it."


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## BGrunt73

> You spend hours staring at the wonderful formula you just wrote while thinking to yourself, "I think this is how Aladin would have done it."



i dont care who you are thats funny right there


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## onlyadrafter

...when you don't need to post hin this thread!


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## tstevens

When your wife says "change the sheets on the bed" she emphasizes "on the bed"


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## Oorang

When you can... dodge UDFs, but you don't need to.


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## MorganO

- Your coworkers get tired of you saying "You know, I could do that easier in Excel..." and then proceeding to prove you really can do it easier.
- You purposely avoid telling people you know anything about Excel, because at your last job you were so overwhelmed with everyones Excel projects that you were no longer able to do the job you were hired for!
- You wonder why Microsoft hasn't got a clue yet, and called it "Excel Office" and then provide Word, PowerPoint, Access, FrontPage, etc as Add-ins.

Owen


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## Oorang

> You wonder why Microsoft hasn't got a clue yet, and called it "Excel Office" and then provide Word, PowerPoint, Access, FrontPage, etc as Add-ins.


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## eendje

- You have ever posted a reply on this forum not regarding your own question, but to help someone else out.

Yes, I lay the bar very low  

Another one:

- You show your collegues this tread and actually expect them to find it just as funny as you do 

In my defence: I'm not referring to myself in the above statement.


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## countryfan_nt

You Might be An Excel Guru if....

 Your Wife asks mrexcel.com to create a macro to disable your PC during
 holidays. 

 Thanks,
 Nawaf


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## sneel3

You might be an Excel Guru if...

you are more concerned with saving your .xlb file and you personal.xls file than you are about saving your email in case your computer crashes...

then you have to show IT what a .xlb file is and what it does so they can reformat your hard drive (again)


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## Lewiy

You might be an Excel Guru if...

...you are so desperate for projects that you resort to creating an elaborate application for recording your department's annual leave when it worked fine just colouring in cells (or using the Outlook calendar).

...you get fed up with people saying to you, "...but you can't have more than 3 conditional formats..."


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## ShidanTowfiq

*You Might be An Excel Guru if....*

You have the numeric values for the alphabet from A to AZ pasted to your monitor 'cuz you got tired of counting on your fingers and toes to reference columns.


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## NateO

Hello,



> You have the numeric values for the alphabet from A to AZ pasted to your monitor 'cuz you got tired of counting on your fingers and toes to reference columns.


Hit F1, and search on 'Column Worksheet Function'.


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## ShidanTowfiq

> Hello,
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You have the numeric values for the alphabet from A to AZ pasted to your monitor 'cuz you got tired of counting on your fingers and toes to reference columns.
> 
> 
> 
> Hit F1, and search on 'Column Worksheet Function'.
Click to expand...


Maybe I did not include enough info.  I prefer to use cells(r, c) and typically use them in a loop with a fixed column, to count rows, or compare data in cells in two worksheets, such as:

        i = 2
        Do Until IsEmpty(Sheets("Sheet1").Cells(i, 1))
        i = i + 1
        Loop
        RowCount = i - 1

Obviously it is easy with column A...
And you'll probably tell me that there is a ROWCOUNT function too.  Just checked help and sure enough...  Learn something new each day.  I guess I can speed up my apps now by eliminating a loop.
Thanks!


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## erik.van.geit

> I guess I can speed up my apps now by eliminating a loop.


WELCOME to the land of GURUS


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## Oorang

RowCount = Worksheets(1).UsedRange.Rows.count


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## chicagodiceman

How about when someone emails you a text file and asks you to convert it for them.  You return the workbook to them in about 30 seconds and they ask you what you use to do that because they use Excel and it doesn't work that fast.

Doesn't necessarily make you a guru but you wonder how they became a vice president...


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## Domski

> Doesn't necessarily make you a guru but you wonder how they became a vice president...



By getting grunts to do things for them that they can't while they concentrate on kissing @ss


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## Hatcheda

When you can make sure that 'Leapfrog' doesn't stand a prayer against Excel.

When you build a sheet to teach your 2 year old their ABC's and it sings the letters in mommy and daddy's voice!


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## Lewiy

> When you build a sheet to teach your 2 year old their ABC's and it sings the letters in mommy and daddy's voice!



When it gets to Z does it move on to AA?


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## Hatcheda

No. It sings 'Now I know my Abc's and stops

Heres How it works
Starts with a button and a small box that displays "ABC's" in an empty screen
Hit the button any number of times and it will run that number

The little box becomes a big box with a red "A" and pauses
It calls a wavefile located the same path of the excel file. The file is A.wav
It holds A until the wav ends. That is as short or as long as you make the A.wav
Then it goes to B

for example
If you child is having trouble with B it would go something like

'A' visual, 'A' audible / 'B' visible, 'B, Aaron, say B' audible and continue
or a is for . . . , b is for . . .

Just something I thought he would like
He loves it and at 2 knows all of them. asks to "Do ABC's all the time!


Here's one thing I was thinking though

If later I wanted to work with words

How could I break out each letter in a word to display in another cell

ex
a1 contains "Ball"
B1 displays, "B", then "A", then "L", then "L". when I hit a button (I would actually link it to clicking the cell containing ball -this I can do)

of course this would have to work with any length and I would stick the wave fetch in it.


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## pawebb

> You know you are an Excel guru when ....
> 
> 1. The only Bible you know is by some guy name "Walkenbach"
> 2. You start receiving viruses from support@microsoft.com
> 3. You write "sexy formulae"
> 4. Microsoft starts sending _you_ clients
> 5. You do more "nesting" than your pregnant wife
> 6. You're T-shirt says so!
> 
> Cool variation on "You know you're a redneck if..."!
> 
> Of course, a little harder, I guess I know more rednecks than Excel gurus...



...You can't stop laughing at the above post!


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