# Catholic Elementary School Test Results



## Smitty (Mar 19, 2005)

How my Father-in-Law finds these is beyond me...Cyndi and I were almost crying by the end.  

Pay special  attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the Bible,  even a little,  you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a Catholic Elementary school test.  Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by  children. They have not been retouched nor corrected. (i.e., incorrect  spelling has been left  in)

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of  creating the  world so he took the sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were  created from an Apple tree. Noah's wife was called  Joan of Ark. Noah built  an ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. Lots wife was a pillar of  salt during the day, but a ball of fire during  the night.

4. The Jews  were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble  with  unsympathetic Genitals.

5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led  astray by a Jezebel like  Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines  with the axe of the Apostles.

7. Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where  they made unleavened bread which  is bread without any ingredients.

8.  The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went  up to  Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

9. The first commandment was  when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

10. The seventh Commandment is thou  shalt not admit adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada.  Then Joshua led the Hebrews  in the battle of Geritol.

12. The greates  miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand  still and he  obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the  liar. He fought  the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in bibical  times.

14.Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700  porcupines.

15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the  Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived,  they found Jesus  in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had  an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on  his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto  others before  they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by  sweat alone.

20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and  managed to get the  tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who  followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

22. The epistels were the  wives of the apostals.

23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was  also a taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy  acrimony, which is  another name for marraige.

25.Christians have only  one spouse. This is called monotony.  

Smitty


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## Glaswegian (Mar 20, 2005)

Absolutely superb!!!!!!!

I've seen some Sunday School stuff similar to this before but that beats the lot.  

Shame about Moses not reaching Canada though.....


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## tails (Mar 20, 2005)

The was great, got any more. I have one for you, let me know what u think.

Anita, 11 years old, is forced to go to sunday school by her parents, she absolutely hates is and falls to sleep all the time during class. The teacher had noticed that she was sleep in this one class and decided to ask her 3 questions to see if she was paying attention.
question 1 'who created the trees the stars and all living things'
the boy behind her, had noticed she was asleep and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. She woke up and said 'God Almighty' and went back to sleep. The teacher asked a second question. 'who was nail to the cross and executed by thrown stones' the boy behind her, poke her with a pin, she woke up and yelled 'jesus christ!' and went back to sleep. The teacher asked her a third and final question, 'what did eve say after  having her 35th child' the boy behind her poked her with the pin, she woke up, turned around as said 
'IF YOU KEEP JABBING THAT THING INTO ME, I"LL SNAP IT IN HALF!'


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## milesUK (Mar 29, 2005)

#25 is spot on.


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