# Star Wars: Rules of Smuggling



## xlHammer (May 21, 2009)

Just a bit of fun. 
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1. Try to remain inconspicous, For example avoid hiring a 7ft tall hairy dog/ape/man as your co-pilot.
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2. If you owe a vindictive gelatinous blob a lot of money, probably best to stay away from his home planet. 
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3. You're a smuggler, chances are your going to have to leave places in a hurry, don't leave it to the last minute to check if the hyper-drive works.
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4. If you have acquired a mate's spaceship by beating him at cards, don't be surprised if he's a bit miffed.
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5. Don't expect sympathy from anyone who keeps a monster under a trapdoor in his living room. 
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6. Pick a cool smuggler name that doesn't sound like it might be a euphemism for something. 
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7. If the state of your wiring puts you in mind of an explosion in a wool factory consider investing in a fire extinguisher. 
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8. If you suspect someone may have put a homing device in your ship why not have a shufti around to see if you can find it? 
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9. Boasting about the performance of your ship carries more credibility if you don't get units of distance mixed up with units of time. 
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10. When being pursued by the law it's safe to assume they won't think of looking for you in the garbage. 
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11. When attacked by a scimitar-wielding nutcase, improve your rogue credibility by simply shooting him. 
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12. Never trust men with beards (those are the droids they're looking for). 
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13. If you manage to acquire an enemy's uniform as a disguise don't abandon it halfway through your escape for no apparent reason. 
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14. When murdering someone in a bar always remember to tip the landlord (15% is considered the norm, 10% for a maiming). 
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15. Regardless of the language spoken by an alien (or your co-pilot) always respond in English, after all how else are they going to learn? 
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16. Remember, in space, no one can get a proper haircut. 
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17. And what's with that waistcoat thing? That wasn't even cool in the seventies.
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18. It's all a bit far-fetched if you ask me, I mean what exactly were they supposed to be smuggling? It's not like there were customs posts anywhere they went. 
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19. If he's not simply avoiding import duties then he must be smuggling something illegal. It's not guns because he has an obvious, unconcealed weapon and nobody seemed bothered by that. So what does that leave, drugs? Slaves? Powdered rhino horn? And he's supposed to be one of the goodies? 
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20. Let's look at the facts, he gets enough money that it has to be moved around in crates, he keeps the ship he won in an illegal card game and he gets the girl who,incidentally, conveniently murders the money lender he is in debt to! All charges dropped, no questions asked. Who says crime doesn't pay.

May the farce be with you.


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## Domski (May 21, 2009)

Quality!!! 

Have you seen the Family Guy take off of Star Wars (Blue Harvest)? Most entertaining.

Dom


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## xlHammer (May 21, 2009)

Dom

I am a big fan of Family Guy. In my opinion the Family Guy/Star Wars hybrid was a wok of genius.


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## xlHammer (May 21, 2009)

xlHammer said:


> wok of genius.


 
I appear to have accidently created a name for a Chinese restaurant


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## Domski (May 21, 2009)

LOL!!! Or something a little beardy chinese dude might put on his heed to enhance his mystic powers!


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## xlHammer (May 21, 2009)

Wok of Genius - Quahog's Premier Oriental Dining Experience

Has anyone got Seth MacFarlane's email address?


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## Fazza (May 24, 2009)

I like the 'wok of genius'.

Off topic. 'May the farce be with you' reminds me of a sticker on a Ferrari, "May the horse be with you".


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## hatman (May 26, 2009)

Okay, I guess I need to be a geek and start picking this apart: There are many references that explain the use of units of distance (parsecs) to be a measure of how fast the Kessel run is made. The easiest to find is the <URL=HTTP: Millennium_Falcon wiki en.wikipedia.org>Wiki Page:</URL>

<QUOTE>





> The Falcon is often connected to the Kessel Run, a pathway from Kessel past the Maw Black Hole Cluster used by smugglers to transport precious Glitterstim spice. Solo in _A New Hope_ brags that the _Falcon_ made the Kessel Run in "less than twelve parsecs". As this is a unit of distance, not time, different explanations have been provided. In the Expanded Universe, it refers to his ability to move the ship closer to the Maw's black holes and therefore cut the distance traveled. On the _A New Hope_ DVD audio commentary, Lucas comments that, in the _Star Wars_ universe, traveling through hyperspace requires careful navigation to avoid stars, planets, asteroids, and other obstacles, and that since no long-distance journey can be made in a straight line, the "fastest" ship is the one that can plot the "most direct course", thereby traveling the least distance.


 
By the way, the explanation also gives one reference to a smuggled substance...</QUOTE>


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## Oorang (May 26, 2009)

Fazza said:


> I like the 'wok of genius'.
> 
> Off topic. 'May the farce be with you' reminds me of a sticker on a Ferrari, "May the horse be with you".


I was just watching a vlog of someone talking about lame resteraunt names and "WokStar" came up

Although, true story, in Columbus Ohio on the OSU Campus there is/was a "Cluck You Chicken".


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## xlHammer (May 27, 2009)

Name for a 24-hour Chinese Restaurant?

"Wok Around The Clock"

Sorry.


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## Domski (May 27, 2009)

Name for a Chinese computer repair shop:

"I'm Woking On IT"

More sorry.


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## snowblizz (May 27, 2009)

...should I be sorry because those really did make me laugh? Sometimes bad puns are what you need.


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## xlHammer (May 27, 2009)

hatman said:


> Okay, I guess I need to be a geek and start picking this apart: There are many references that explain the use of units of distance (parsecs) to be a measure of how fast the Kessel run is made. The easiest to find is the <URL=HTTP: en.wikipedia.org wiki Millennium_Falcon>Wiki Page:</URL>
> 
> <QUOTE>
> 
> By the way, the explanation also gives one reference to a smuggled substance...</QUOTE>


 

That's where you started to pick it apart? Did you not get to number 11.

Also if this is true then he definitely is an illegal drug dealer so why should we believe a word he says?


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## hatman (May 27, 2009)

xlHammer said:


> That's where you started to pick it apart? Did you not get to number 11.
> 
> Also if this is true then he definitely is an illegal drug dealer so why should we believe a word he says?


 
Actually, I dismissed 11 as an obvious reference to Raiders of the Lost Ark.

I also figured I'd leave the low-hanging fruit for others... though it's apparent that people found other aspects of this thread to play with


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## xlHammer (May 27, 2009)

Blimey is there no subject on Earth that doesn't have its own Wiki?

Though presumably the one about Chinese food is called a Woki..............

(pause for tumbleweed to go past)

Seriously, I'll get my coat.


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## RoryA (May 27, 2009)

So if Chewbacca were Chinese, he'd be a Wokie? 
Is this politically incorrect? (is anyone still reading?)


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## snowblizz (May 27, 2009)

Stop it you guys.


and xlHammer, I do not believe there is anything that does not have a dedicated Wiki.
I swear there's probably a wiki of wikis somewhere. 
Or why not a Kiwi Wiki.


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## hatman (May 27, 2009)

snowblizz said:


> Stop it you guys.
> 
> 
> and xlHammer, I do not believe there is anything that does not have a dedicated Wiki.
> ...


 
But of COURSE!

A few Wiki examples...


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## hatman (May 27, 2009)

hatman said:


> A few Wiki examples...


 
Oh, that was just the Entertainment Hub, of this particular Wikia site... here's the list of hubs.


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## snowblizz (May 27, 2009)

hatman said:


> But of COURSE!
> 
> A few Wiki examples...



Yup as expected. I have friend/colleague who is involved with wiki research.
Got to throw a few of these by him.


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## xlHammer (May 27, 2009)

Of course you know the Chinese food wiki has an online chat forum...............



.............it's called the Jabber Woki

(desolate tolling of lone church bell in the distance)


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## Fazza (May 27, 2009)

Beware


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