# How not to eat with your hands



## starl (Oct 22, 2013)

In the USA, depending on where you're at, you want to drink a flavored carbonated beverage, you ask for a soda, pop or coke.

Does the same variance apply to eating utensils? When you're at a restaurant and they forgot to give you all the eating utensils, what do you ask for? silverware? cutlery? something else?

I'm in the upper midwest of the USA and say "silveware".. but at the same time, I grew up on an international base and it's been pointed out to me that i talk weird sometimes 

Where are you from (specifically or generally) and what would you say if you needed all the eating utensils (fork, spoon and knife)?

Note - curious to hear what anyone speaking English says. If English is your second language (or 3rd, 4th, etc) - where did you learn it?


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## Jon von der Heyden (Oct 22, 2013)

I say cutlery, or ask for the specific utensil (knife, fork or spoon).


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## Smitty (Oct 22, 2013)

Unless you ask for the specific utensil, I say Silverware.


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## Joe4 (Oct 22, 2013)

Just ask for a "spork".  That should cover all the bases!


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## Taul (Oct 22, 2013)

oi numpty! you forgot the Knife & fork (west London)


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## TinaP (Oct 23, 2013)

I live in Ohio, near the Pennsylvania border (midwest, but just barely), and I use silverware.  In my mind, cutlery refers to knives and other cutting instruments only.


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## Drrellik (Oct 23, 2013)

I would only have to ask for a Fork.  

If the Chile needs a spoon it's to soupy, If the meat needs a Knife it's too tough.


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## Jon von der Heyden (Oct 23, 2013)

When I lived in the UK I'd have had to ask for a chainsaw for my steak!


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## starl (Oct 23, 2013)

Drrellik said:


> I would only have to ask for a Fork.
> 
> If the Chile needs a spoon it's to soupy, If the meat needs a Knife it's too tough.




*lol* Drrellik. Where are you at?


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## Drrellik (Oct 23, 2013)

Born and raised in TX, currently living in SC. (last 23 years)


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## Snakehips (Nov 7, 2013)

Over here in the UK, when Joe Average is missing a suitable ensemble of eating utensils he's most likely to ask for 'some cutlery'. 

If Joe's a bit on the rough side of average then he might well ask for 'some eating irons'.

By the way, the last time I had steak in South Africa I had to ask them to take it back and stop it mooing!
Even when they brought it back it still needed a tourniquet to stop the blood making my chips soggy!


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## Smitty (Nov 7, 2013)

Snakehips said:


> By the way, the last time I had steak in South Africa I had to ask them to take it back and stop it mooing!
> Even when they brought it back it still needed a tourniquet to stop the blood making my chips soggy!



I had one like that in Madrid a few years ago.  Now I'm a rare/medium-rare kind of guy, but this thing didn't even have sear marks on it.


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## SydneyGeek (Nov 8, 2013)

I like my steak pretty rare. Needs to be sealed on the outide though.
And I ask for cutlery if it's missing. Or, I look on the other side of the plate (I'm left handed, and the knife is always on the wrong side. Don't get me started on which side plate is yours...)

Denis


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## Snakehips (Nov 8, 2013)

Denis,

As a 'leftie' and therefore a child of the devil, do you not carry a fork with you at all times?  

Also, with me being from the 'eating irons' level of society, could you please clarify……….. what exactly is a side plate?


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## MARK858 (Nov 8, 2013)

> Also, with me being from the 'eating irons' level of society, could you please clarify……….. what exactly is a side plate?




It's the one they stick your bread roll on


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## Snakehips (Nov 9, 2013)

> It's the one they stick your bread roll on :wink:



Bread Roll ? ………..  I'm assuming that you mean a 'batch'?

In my neck of the woods if you go into a supermarket or bakery and ask for a 'batch', you get a bread roll.

If you stray too far home and go into a supermarket or bakery and ask for a 'batch', you get a blank / quizzical looks!!!

Then, when you point your finger at the bread rolls, depending upon which part of the country you are in, they might say…….

"Oh, you mean a 'cob'?"   or  "Oh, you mean a 'barm'?"  or  "Oh, you mean a 'bap'?"

It's then your turn for a quizzical look, although you try and disguise it by nodding your head, knowingly.

What do they call a bread roll where you are?


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## SydneyGeek (Nov 9, 2013)

Snakehips said:


> Denis,
> 
> As a 'leftie' and therefore a child of the devil, do you not carry a fork with you at all times?



Nah -- if I stick it on my pocket, it hurts to sit down.



Snakehips said:


> Also, with me being from the 'eating irons' level of society, could you please clarify……….. what exactly is a side plate?



A 'side plate' holds your bread / bun / bap / cob / whatever they call it. It also gets in the way of your elbows. And if you take the "wrong" one, some people get a bit snarky.

Of course, if you're at a table with side plates they may also have napkins and wine glasses. More stuff to confuse you with.

Denis


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## Snakehips (Nov 9, 2013)

SydneyGeek said:


> A 'side plate' holds your bread / bun / bap / cob / whatever they call it. It also gets in the way of your elbows. And if you take the "wrong" one, some people get a bit snarky.
> 
> Of course, if you're at a table with side plates they may also have napkins and wine glasses. More stuff to confuse you with.
> 
> Denis



I am indeed confused.  


However, I do appreciate that it is not appropriate for me to take up further valuable space, on what is essentially a serious forum, in an attempt to gain knowledge that has previously been denied me by my social status.  Not only that but I'm beginning to feel somewhat embarrassed by the exposure of my ignorance.


So I will go away, quietly and Google 'napkins' and 'wine glasses' !


It would appear that I may well have fallen asleep during English Language class at school so I will also Google 'snarky' whilst I'm at it.


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## MARK858 (Nov 9, 2013)

In Hampshire a bread roll is any type of bread roll. 
Batch is a another term sometimes used for a generic soft roll, Cob is a specific shape of a full sized loaf (a round one) but I have heard rolls called it on my travels (so have Wiki (see below)).

Bread roll - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I'm outta here now B4 anyone starts talking about the correct knifes and spoons to use.


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## Smitty (Nov 11, 2013)

> What do they call a bread roll where you are?



If it's what comes out of my wife's "bread maker" we call it a brick.  

Seriously though, if it's what you get for sandwiches it's a loaf; hamburgers/hotdogs it's a bun.  In a restaurant (where bread comes in a basket covered with a napkin) it's just bread, but then you get a restaurant where something is actually served ON bread, it could be on a roll vs. a bun, in which case the roll is long where the bun is round.   But if you have a "dinner roll" it'd be round and about 1/4 the size of a "bun".  

Wait, unless you're talking about hotdogs/hamburgers/cheesesteaks, in which case a hotdog comes on a bun, which is long, like a roll (not a dinner roll); a hamburger comes on a bun which is round, and a cheesesteak comes on a roll (generally Sourdough or Kaiser), which is also long.

And don't get started about "Texas Toast"...

And here "cob" generally refers to corn, i.e. "corn cob".


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## Snakehips (Nov 13, 2013)

Smitty said:


> If it's what comes out of my wife's "bread maker" we call it a brick.



I do hope that Mrs Smitty doesn't get to read that otherwise she might be after your man tackle with a seriously large and sharp piece of 'CUTLERY'!!!!!   Or should that be 'SILVERWARE'?


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## Joe4 (Nov 13, 2013)

> I do hope that Mrs Smitty doesn't get to read that otherwise she might be after your man tackle with a seriously large and sharp piece of 'CUTLERY'!!!!! Or should that be 'SILVERWARE'?


...or hit him with a "brick"!


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## Snakehips (Nov 13, 2013)

Joe4 said:


> ...or hit him with a "brick"!



D'you mean  'loaf' '  i'm to death!!!!  ?


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## Smitty (Nov 13, 2013)

Snakehips said:


> I do hope that Mrs Smitty doesn't get to read that otherwise she might be after your man tackle with a seriously large and sharp piece of 'CUTLERY'!!!!!   Or should that be 'SILVERWARE'?



Like she says: "the fastest way to a man's heart - is through his chest with a steak knife..."


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## spaneminent (Nov 13, 2013)

Joe4 said:


> Just ask for a "spork".  That should cover all the bases!



Yes, a spoon and pork! those two will do definitely


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## EPURON (Dec 11, 2013)

Just say it how you say it in your hometown. Also i live in canada and when i go to the states, I say washroom by accident and they look at me like i am out of the ordinary xD


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## Joe4 (Dec 11, 2013)

> i live in canada and when i go to the states, I say washroom by accident and they look at me like i am out of the ordinary


Where I live in the States, people would know what you are talking about (some people actually do use that phrase  here).  But then again, I don't live that far from the Canadian border.


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## Snakehips (Dec 11, 2013)

EPURON said:


> Just say it how you say it in your hometown. Also i live in canada and when i go to the states, I say washroom by accident and they look at me like i am out of the ordinary xD



Washroom????!!!!!!!!

This all started off as a civilised and sensible discussion as to how people, from different places and perhaps different walks of life, refer to the implements they would use in order to avoid eating food with their hands.

Then for some inexplicable reason, we wandered away from the core subject and ended up discussing not only the various ways we refer to items that are, essentially, 'baked dough' but also how certain of such items, notably those produced by Mrs Smitty, might be suitable for building houses or even as implements of murder!


Is it acceptable that we now appear to veering so far off the core subject that we are discussing colloquialisms and euphemisms associated with our 'elimination needs'?

I seriously think that the forum's Moderators need to keep a close watch on this thread.  

In my humble opinion, standards are fast going down the 'porcelain throne in Mrs Tinkle's house'!!!!!


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## jsotola (Dec 11, 2013)

ask for a shovel  ....  consume mass quantities ....


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## Joe4 (Dec 11, 2013)

> Is it acceptable that we now appear to veering so far off the core subject that we are discussing colloquialisms and euphemisms associated with our 'elimination needs'?
> 
> I seriously think that the forum's Moderators need to keep a close watch on this thread.
> 
> In my humble opinion, standards are fast going down the 'porcelain throne in Mrs Tinkle's house'!!!!!


...that's exactly what the Lounge is for!
(as long as it all stays "PG"...)


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## EPURON (Dec 11, 2013)

Amazing how you pull off a speech for us  but I am just referring to as like as he said, there's a lot of ways to say silverware in different parts of a country. As in Canada we say "washroom" but in the states they say "restroom".


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## Snakehips (Dec 12, 2013)

EPURON said:


> As in Canada we say "washroom" but in the states they say "restroom".



EPURON,

Despite you having, single-handedly, swerved the focus of this thread from knives, forks, spoons and bread to toilets, yes…. TOILETS!!!, I bare you no ill.

In fact I'm even prepared to do you a big favour and offer some friendly advice……..

If ever you should visit the UK and find yourself caught short, as in needing the toilet, don't go asking the whereabouts of the Washroom or the Restroom!!!

If you ask for the Washroom it will be assumed that you have soiled clothing to process and are actually looking for the Laundry Room.

If you ask for the Restroom it will be assumed that you are tired and in need of a lie down. Hence you will be directed to the Bedroom.

As neither of these will result in you reaching the toilet, it is likely that embarrassing disaster will ensue.    In which case, you _will_ need to ask for the Washroom!!! 

I do hope that is helpful information.

Once again, I urge the Moderators to keep a close watch on this thread in case we get any Aussies join in!!


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## MARK858 (Dec 12, 2013)

Tony, I can think of plenty of words we use in the UK that match the Aussies sayings but I'll leave those to your imagination


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## Snakehips (Dec 12, 2013)

Mark, no offence but that pugilistic cat of yours is starting to annoy me!!!!


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## EPURON (Dec 12, 2013)

How do you say washroom in the UK? The LOOOO? The LAVVVVY?


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## BrianMH (Dec 12, 2013)

Born in South Dakota and lived there until I was 10 then moved around a bit.  SD>HI>NY>SC>KY>SD> United Kingdom.

Growing up I said Silverware/Restroom
Now I say Cutlery/Loo or Toilet being in the UK means I have had to change quite a few words I used in order to be understood.


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## EPURON (Dec 12, 2013)

Did you pick up the accent?


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## Snakehips (Dec 12, 2013)

EPURON said:


> How do you say washroom in the UK? The LOOOO? The LAVVVVY?



I can't believe that I've been sucked into this potentially unsavoury topic!!!

Yes, give or take the the odd excess O and V.

I would say that the most common of polite references to 'the facilities' would be The Loo.
The Gents or The ladies are also universally understood and perfectly acceptable

The Lav or Lavvy less common but is used.

I flatly refuse to quote any further examples in case the Moderators mistake me for an Aussie! 

BTW EPURON, I much prefer your new hat and it's good to see that you have had a decent haircut.


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## BrianMH (Dec 12, 2013)

When I go to the states people say I've picked up some accent.  I think it is more that my Midwest American accent has softened and people of course notice me using different words (like bin instead of garbage).  When I meet people here for the first time they ask me how long I've been here (10 years) and then say how strong of an American accent I still have.  

The accent is in the ear of the listener.

I do say one thing in a proper British accent, bloody (h)ell. I suppose it is because I learned it over here so never said it with any other accent.  People always laugh when they hear it for the first time because it sounds so English it surprises them.


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## MARK858 (Dec 12, 2013)

Snakehips said:


> Mark, no offence but that pugilistic cat of yours is starting to annoy me!!!!


That's ok, it's overdue for a change...
I'll have a look at it at the weekend or before if I get bored Xmas card signing tonight.


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## EPURON (Dec 12, 2013)

Lol i don't know if I'm being insulted due to the proper english that you are encountering but.. Thanks! Everyone needs a fresh haircut some point in their lives :D!


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## Snakehips (Dec 12, 2013)

Mark,  Forget the Xmas cards.   The priority has to be that pesky cat!!!!


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## BrianMH (Dec 12, 2013)

One note.  The moment that the English can agree on what defines "proper English" is the moment I accept the argument of "It's ENGLISH and I'm ENGLISH so my way is correct.!"


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## Snakehips (Dec 12, 2013)

BrianMH said:


> One note.  The moment that the English can agree on what defines "proper English" is the moment I accept the argument of "It's ENGLISH and I'm ENGLISH so my way is correct.!"



Hey Brian, the clue's in the title!!!  ENGLISH!!  Not Americanish nor Canadianish or Whateverish.  When we were kind enough to grant you folk across the Atlantic licence to use our wonderful language we half expected you to look after it.  Then what happened?  For no good reason whatsoever, you started making up your own words, changing the meaning of words that were perfectly acceptable as they were and generally messing with our spelling!!!  Why is it that you guys insist on leaving the  'U'  out of words like colour?  Why do you so annoyingly and randomly substitute Zs for Ss ? It's time you lot toed the line!


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## BrianMH (Dec 12, 2013)

And as soon as the line is agreed between all the English I'll toe it.


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## MARK858 (Dec 12, 2013)

Temporary avatar placed to relieve Tony's eyes (not getting into a discussion on proper English (especially with words like colour/color) as it is much too complicated).


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## Snakehips (Dec 12, 2013)

Mark,  

On the one hand I really appreciate you binning the moggy (American translation: putting the cat in the garbage) but now I realiZe (oops!) that people are going to be looking at my previous posts and think….. 'Cat?'   'What cat?'  'This Snakehips character must be a bit of an idiot.  His posts don't make a whole lot of sense!!'

Hey-ho, no change there then?


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## EPURON (Dec 13, 2013)

In canada we say "colour"  Americans say "color". Get your facts right! :D


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## theBardd (Dec 21, 2013)

BrianMH said:


> One note.  The moment that the English can agree on what defines "proper English" is the moment I accept the argument of "It's ENGLISH and I'm ENGLISH so my way is correct.!"



That's the whole point of English as spoken in the motherland, there is no such thing as proper English. It is an ever evolving language, unlike the American abomination where much of the language is 17th century English, and/or they have a crass habit of trying to use nouns as verbs. And of course there are the regional variations, not just dialect, but whole phrases that aren't used elsewhere. Hell, it such a dynamic language we have loaned it out to the world and are absorbing their influences. And you know people who really say bloody hell with or without the h)? I don't, and I have lived here a few more than 10 years.

BTW, I wouldn't take much notice of anything Snakehips says, anyone who uses Excel 2002 and 2007, the two worst versions of Excel period, cannot be treated seriosuly.


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## Snakehips (Dec 21, 2013)

theBardd said:


> BTW, I wouldn't take much notice of anything Snakehips says, anyone who uses Excel 2002 and 2007, the two worst versions of Excel period, cannot be treated seriosuly.



Ouch!!!!   
In a pathetic effort to improve my credibility, I've just been online and added 2010 to the dinosaur that is my collection of Excel applications.
The money spent was earmarked for Christmas presents for my grandchildren but now they will have to go without!!

I hope theBardd can sleep easily in his bed tonight, with that on his conscience?


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## theBardd (Dec 21, 2013)

Quite right. Now that you have a decent Excel version, you can teach your grandkids how to use Excel properly. Much better Christmas present than a new phone, or an XBox game. Time to sleep easily now zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!


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## Snakehips (Jan 11, 2014)

Although the more recent posts would appear to have drifted away from the original subject, I still feel that as far as intellectual content is concerned, this thread stands head and shoulders above most others within the Lounge.

So the primary purpose of this particular post is to prevent this ‘jewel in the crown’ from dropping off the bottom of the page and into the obscurity.


The question did cross my mind as to why nobody had, thus far, mentioned asking for chopsticks.  Or should that be woodenware?  Then I recalled, from personal experience, that as chopsticks are so fiendishly difficult to master, the occasional user may well find themselves having to resort to eating with their hands or in the case of soup, slurping direct from the bowl.  And that is exactly what this thread is trying to avoid!




(I typed this as quietly as I could in an attempt to avoid waking theBardd.)


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## Drrellik (Jan 11, 2014)

Well contrary to popular belief eating with your hands is not that bad, in fact I am able to eat with my hands most of the time.  I do occasionally reach for a spoon, but that is generally when the only thing I can find to eat after midnight is a bowl of cereal, (sorry spoon), as for the knife I rarely use him either of course this could be based solely on my diet, consisting mostly of Pizza, Chicken, French Fries, Bacon, link sausage (for breakfast) of course Bacon is good all day... and of course burgers & dogs you know the good food.  So unless it is to prevent me from double dipping into the butter with my fork, I don't use a knife much either, so I tend to just stick with the things I can cut with a fork, or stab whole and eat around the edges (if I cant get the whole thing in my mouth) or finger food.   * Note I cant believe I actually used the word Diet in this post.    LOL.


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## farmerscott (Jan 11, 2014)

To Snakehips and all you other "POMS",

let me put this in _plain_ English- 'WE WON THE ASHES 5-ZIP'.

Now that the natural order has been re-established between the 'convicts' and the 'Old Dart', we sleep so much better......

FarmerScott


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## Snakehips (Jan 13, 2014)

Snakehips said:


> Although the more recent posts would appear to have drifted away from the original subject, I still feel that as far as intellectual content is concerned, this thread stands head and shoulders above most others within the lounge.




Firstly, a big thank you *Drrellick* for getting this thread back on track and giving us that wonderful insight into his refined eating habits.  I do sincerely hope that the fast food industry of South Carolina is suitably appreciative of the selfless contribution this man is making to their profits.



Secondly, and in direct contrast to Drrellick,  *farmerscott*’s post is so far off subject that he has surely, metaphorically speaking, ‘bowled a wide’.
How sad that Mitchell Johnson didn’t do more of the same.
The only way I can see post 54#  having any relevance to this thread is that England were, indeed, eaten alive by the Aussies. 
 We served it up to them on a plate, but as to whether or not they ate with their hands, I cannot not be sure.   


Anyway, no hard feelings Mate, you enjoy the success and may all your spreadsheets be cursed with #Value errors!!




I offer my sincere apologies to members not versed in the niceties of test cricket.
 Also I would ask the moderators to consider whether it against forum rules for farmerscott to highjack a thread in order to gloat?


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## EPURON (Jan 15, 2014)

Chopsticks are as easy as using sporks


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